


Farewell, My Corona

by LavenderCheerio



Series: White Blood [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: "what even are summaries", Batman AU, Dissassociation, Doctor!Hide, Emetophobia, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Joker!Kaneki, M/M, This was supposed to be a one-shot I swear, chemical burns/scars, rape mention, will be a series because I hate myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-04-12 04:22:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 48,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4465307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LavenderCheerio/pseuds/LavenderCheerio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He enjoyed killing for fun until someone dear to him went missing.</p><p>“Honestly, I’m surprised you’re even alive. By the way, I'm Hideyoshi, but you can call me Hide.”<br/>“Kan... Kaneki.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's written in 3rd person, but sometimes it'll change POV (I hope I made it obvious enough).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pwwft there's some introductions and a big flashback. I suck at summaries.

It was just one grenade. _One_. And now he couldn’t see anything but shifting grayness and the occasional streak of red pain. He was sure he had fallen on some sort of pole that had impaled his side, but it felt like his senses had just... shut down. His memory struggled to recall his perfect, fool-proof plan.

Follow the man... Get the girl out of there... Question him... Kill him...

But what had been in that grenade?

**“Iron sulfide, you dipshit, didn’t I tell you to keep it away from the acid?”**

_Dammit, Nishio_. The voice of his weapon’s provider echoed in his clouded head, chasing away other thoughts. He gathered the blood in his mouth and spat, a sharp pain sparking on his tongue; he knew it didn’t go very far by the quick _splat_ it made. He was near the ground, but his feet were touching air. His fingers twitched, sending pins and needles vibrating up his arms. It was starting to hurt to breathe.

The acrid scent of chemicals and blood weighed him down as if he were laying at the bottom of the ocean. Each shallow breath was a fresh wave of foul air into his lungs and through his body. He wanted to vomit, but he couldn’t remember what he had eaten, he couldn’t even feel his stomach.

 _At least I... killed that... officer_ , he thought, a painful smirk pulling at his lips. So this was how it ended; so this was his last kill.

“Hey!”

The darkness lightened. Was someone calling to him? Impossible. The voice sounded simultaneously very near and far away.

“Oh god, are you alright?”

Who else was around? Who else was hurt? _No, it was just me; is someone talking to me?_

“Uh, shit, um...” The voice sounded panicked and something tender and clammy touched his hand. Fingers. Skin. He forced his fingers to respond, to move, to cling to the warm, sweaty hand.

Sweaty?

“I’ll get you out of here, I’m a doctor. Well... sort of.”

 _Well that’s... reassuring_ , was the last thing he thought before slipping out of consciousness.

* * *

Kaneki awoke in a dark room.

Scratch that; the room wasn't dark, he just couldn't see anything.

“Fuck,” he cursed, bringing his hand to his face. He ran his fingers over his sleep-cracked eyes, sweaty nose, chapped mouth, through his oily hair, and down tense his neck. The only thing out of place was a bumpy line, skin that must have been corroded by the misplaced grenade. It stretched from his left cheekbone down to the corner of his mouth. The skin was taut, tender, and touching it made him wince.

“No no no!” a voice exclaimed as something crashed the floor -- a glass maybe? -- causing Kaneki to jump. Socked feet pounded over to him and warm hands grabbed his own, pulling them away from his face. “Don't touch _that_! It’s a chemical wound and you haven’t washed your hands.”

Kaneki’s eyes widened as he tried to make out the person before him, but all he could see were gray, blurry shapes.

The person, a man by the tone of his voice, sighed. “Jeez, I really can’t leave you alone for a minute, it almost got re-infected. Now hold still, I’m going to clean the wound, _again_ , and apply the bandage.”

“How - ?” Kaneki started, but the person hissed at him.

“Sh! Moving your mouth makes this harder, wait until I’m done.”

So Kaneki reluctantly kept his lips still as the person dapped at the chemical burn with a wet cotton swab. A moment later there was a tearing sound of the person opening up a bandage package, but then he stopped and gave a surprised gasp.

“I know! Now that you’re awake you can take a bath and get all that dirt off you. You’ve got several other cuts and bruises too.”

Kaneki’s hand came to his stomach where he had been impaled.

**“You’ll want to throw this bomb at least ten meters, otherwise you’ll get caught in the range and that’ll hurt. Then again, you’re such a crazy bastard I don’t expect you to listen to me.”**

_Yeah, well, fuck you, Nishio,_ he thought bitterly, forcing his hands to obey him and roll up his shirt where his fingers sought for the hole that should be in his stomach.

A hole that wasn’t there. All he found was a sweat- and disinfectant-soaked ace wrap.

“Oh, that should be cleaned as well,” the person added, reaching forward and unbuttoning Kaneki’s shirt. “That’s the worst one, but at least that’s bandaged and you didn’t touch it -- what did I _just_ say about touching the burns?” The person sighed, but Kaneki could tell the man was smiling as he did. “Honestly, I’m surprised you’re even alive. By the way, I'm Hideyoshi, but you can call me Hide.”

“Kan...” He swallowed. “Kaneki.”

Hide worked the tattered shirt, one that had formerly been something of a dress shirt, off Kaneki’s weak shoulders. “Sorry that we’re meeting in such an awkward way. Say, what were you doing in the red light district, anyway? You weren’t exactly dressed for a, uh, _fun night out_ , if you know what I mean.”

As Hide helped Kaneki to his feet, he contemplated his answer. _I was out there to kill a man? I_ did _kill a man? He was a military officer who shouldn’t’ve been an officer..._

“Just... looking for someone,” Kaneki replied hoarsely as he was helped through the shadowy house, feet passing from cold wood to colder tile. Hide flicked a light switch and the shadows receded slightly.

“Did you find them?” Hide asked. “Also you’re light as a bag of feathers.”

Kaneki didn't have the energy to give a reaction. He was helped to sit on the toilet seat as Hide prepared the bath.

“Yes.”

* * *

Hide turned the silver faucet and waited for the hot water before plugging the drain. The almost too-loud sound of rushing water was a welcome disturbance to the silence between the two. As he waited, Hide looked at the man he had rescued; specifically the scars scattered across his body. It was clear Kaneki had been caught in some kind of chemical explosion, but the _why_ had yet to be answered.

Other than the one currently hidden on his chest, the most prominent scar was the one on Kaneki’s cheek. It arched from his cheekbone down to his mouth. Several other, small, pink blotches dotted his skin, neck, and shoulders. Hide had treated each of them in turn, but the one on Kaneki’s chest still worried him. Whatever had caused the burn, it had torn away at the skin like acid.

The other question Hide had was about the man’s makeup. The horrific green lipstick looked like it had been applied by a toddler, and the dark eyeshadow around his eyes was like someone for halloween. To clean Kaneki’s facial wounds and for his own comfort, Hide had quickly washed away the makeup. With it gone, Hide supposed Kaneki could be considered handsome, with a soft featured face and sad, gray eyes. Even his white hair had an odd allure.

Hide jumped when he felt the hot water lapping at his hand slung idly over the bathtub rim. He quickly turned the water off and grinned at Kaneki, who still appeared to be unable to see. “Well, it’s time, let me remove that bandage.” _I really ought to take him to the hospital._ “It won't hurt, I promise. Though the water might sting a little. I think.” _Really, really ought to..._

Kaneki didn't move as Hide unwrapped the three ace bandages used to cover the wound. They fell away wet and slightly bloody. An acrid scent came to hover in the air; subtle, but there. Hide winced at the burn scar.

It blossomed across Kaneki’s chest like a bloody flower: the skin bubbled here and there, and where it didn't it had pulled tight, almost white. The center was the darkest, sporting some dried puss.

_The hospital..._

Hide helped Kaneki climb out of his remaining clothes and into the warm water. As soon as the water touched the scars Kaneki winced, a small cry of pain escaping his lips. His hands clung to Hide’s arms almost for dear life as he lowered himself in.

_But I have no doubt he killed that other man._

* * *

The water felt nice, he supposed.

The tiny scars scattered across his body stung as they came in contact with the water, but after a minute or so the pain numbed and Kaneki was able to enjoy a cleansing bath.

Hide took the liberty of washing Kaneki’s back, shoulders, and arms -- as Kaneki himself hadn’t even the strength to keep his head straight. When it came to the scar on his chest, one he wished he could see, Hide dabbed at it gently with what felt like cotton. Still, the touch was enough to send spasms of pain out through Kaneki’s body. He jolted in the water, tears of pain pricking his eyes.

“Oh man, this reminds of the time I ran into a wall and chipped my tooth,” Hide started with a light tone, one hand firmly on Kaneki’s shoulder while the other returned to his chest. “I broke my front tooth right in half and it hurt like hell. I got an emergency appointment with the dentist on a Sunday and I kid you not, the guy _tapped_ the broken tooth with _cotton_ and I burst into tears. Apparently a nerve ending was showing, can you believe it?” Hide’s hands moved away. “There, all clean!”

Kaneki tentatively raised on hand out of the water to grope for Hide’s arm. When he found it, he held the dripping skin for a moment before choking out, “Can... can you wash m-... my hair?”

There was a pause then a burst of sunshine and warmth.

_Is that his aura? Or am I just crazy?_

“Of course I can!” Hide replied happily.

_Perhaps not being able to see is a gift in disguise._

“I’ll have to be careful with shampoo, I’m pretty sure that shouldn’t get in your burns, but if I’m careful this’ll be a piece of cake!”

Kaneki nodded as he released Hide’s arm, returning his hand to the water. A moment later Hide’s hands were cupping water of Kaneki’s head. It turned out washing his hair was a long and delicate process, and by the time it had been rinsed the water was lukewarm.

“I had no idea you’re hair was black!” Hide was exclaiming as he helped Kaneki out of the tub and into a towel. “You used so much hairspray and dye I actually thought it was white.” He laughed. “Trying to fool someone?”

Even though Kaneki couldn’t see it, knowing the dye was washed out made him feel a little more relaxed, like he had less of a facade to keep up -- but what facade was there left? What facade had been there to begin with?

“Yes,” Kaneki replied quietly.

_I was trying to fool myself._

* * *

_Kaneki didn’t know the man’s name; all he knew was his story. In media cliches wasn’t it usually the other way around? Either way, that didn’t matter, Kaneki wasn’t killing for love or for vengeance or for practice._

_He was killing because he liked too._

_But this time it was a little more than that. Somehow, his target knew Touka who knew Nishio. Yoriko had gone missing a week ago and Touka was beside herself with worry. When the target’s name had come up, Touka had been speaking to Nishio about university applications a new neighbor._

**_“A military officer?”_ **

**_“Yeah, he’s between duties. He knew my dad and came to pay his respects.”_ **

**_“He sounds like a prick. Your dad’s been dead for years.”_ **

**_“Shut up, idiot Nishiki,_ you _never payed respects.”_**

**_“I never knew the guy!”_ **

_And then Yoriko had gone missing. Touka went to Kaneki, Kaneki went to Nishio._

**_“Yeah, she told me about that dickhead. He came to ‘visit the college’ because his ‘daughter’ had gone there. All he did was try to peek up girl’s skirts -- I’m telling you, keep away from him.”_ **

**_“He was... already part of my weekend.”_ **

**_“...You can’t be serious.”_ **

**_“If he’s taken Yoriko, chances are he’s taken other girls.”_ **

**_“So revenge killing on other’s behalf is part of your personality now? I never took you as the righteous type.”_ **

_Kaneki sought more information. He spoke to Uta, an aloof man who seemed to know_ everything _that went on in the city. Uta gave him a tip that the officer would be in the red light district in two nights._

_Making plans was easy, it had always been easy. Whether it was shop lifting a general store to murdering the heiress of a corporation, his plans were always perfect. Nothing ever went wrong. Even with two days to plan, Kaneki knew everything would be executed perfectly._

**_“Everything’s already perfect, why do you need this?”_ **

**_“Help me out, Nishio, this man needs to die as horrifically as possible.”_ **

**_“All he did was rape a few girls, let the police deal with it.”_ **

_Kaneki’s hand slammed the table. With his other, he grabbed Nishio’s collar and dragged the other man’s face closer to his._ **_“_ All _he did? That’s_ exactly _why he needs to die.”_**

 _Nishio was silent for a minute before relenting._ **_“Fine, I get it. To be honest I want this douchebag gone, too, before he goes after Kimi. Now do you want to see what I have or not?”_ **

_Kaneki released the other man, who stood and straightened his shirt._ **_“I’ve been working on a new kind of grenade, one that deals a little more damage than a normal one. It’s got chemicals, so be careful. You’ll want to throw this bomb at least ten meters, otherwise you’ll get caught in the range and that’ll hurt. Then again, you’re such a crazy bastard I don’t expect you to listen to me.”_ **

_He followed Nishio to the back room._ **_“Congratulations, you get to see my study.”_ **

**_“How often do you have sex in here?”_ **

**_“Not often enough.”_ ** _Nishio laughed as he bent over materials scattered across a stone counter._ **_“Here hold this.”_ ** _He passed a silver rod thinner than a pencil and no longer than his pinkie finger to Kaneki._ **_“It’s highly reactive so keep it away from the - ”_ **

**_“What’s the green stuff?”_** _Kaneki interrupted, moving closer to a heated beaker. The rod in his fingers warmed unexpectedly and he dropped it in surprise. It_ ting-ed _on the cement floor._ ** _“What was that?”_**

**_“Iron sulfide, you dipshit, didn’t I tell you to keep it away from the acid?”_ **

**_“No, you didn’t.”_ **

**_“You didn’t give me a chance to!”_ **

_Two days passed quickly. As the night drew nearer, Kaneki’s heart raced at the thought of avenging Touka’s friend. Like Kaneki, Touka saw herself as a monster, making Yoriko a very dear friend, someone who saw Touka as a real person._

I might need someone like that _, Kaneki thought as he stepped into his small, apartment bathroom and grabbed the tube of white hair-paint. Squeezing a generous amount into his hand, he lathered it and spread it all through his scalp. The dye easily hid his natural, black hair. The spots that needed touching up were easily taken care of with hair-spray._

_Once finished, Kaneki always felt different. Even just like this, the costume uncompleted, Kaneki was no longer Kaneki._

_Who was he?_

_The makeup finished the transformation. Baby powder paled his skin, green lipstick not only covered his lips but also drew a deformed smile up to his cheekbones, and what once might have been woman’s eyeshadow was now racoon-looking markings around his eyes._

_The others might know what he did, but only Uta -- who had helped him device the disguise -- knew that Kaneki wasn’t Kaneki when he killed._

_The night was warm and humid. Almost immediately sweat began beading on his back and neck; his shirt soon clung to his skin. His pockets felt heavy with the two grenades he carried and the handgun in the back of his pants._

_He had bought his current apartment intentionally near the red light district, since many of the ones he enjoyed killing spent evenings down those streets. Luring a target into an alley with the promise of love and a night of forgotten problems was almost too easy. More often than not, people seemed drawn to Kaneki’s angel-white hair and lips of envy._

_The officer was where he was supposed to be. A meaty arm was secured around the waist of a young girl. Her hairspray was drying out in the night, leaving strands of blonde hair to stick up. Her midnight blue dress just covered breasts she didn’t have. Kaneki wondered what had made her decide to come out here?_

_He followed the couple. The officer, dressed out of uniform but wearing a couple medals to add to what little lure he had, dragged the young girl around a corner and down a couple more alleys. The noise of the night city dulled and to avoid suspicion, Kaneki focused on softening his footsteps._

_Cigarette smoke, beer, wine, powdery drugs, cheap perfume, gasoline, feces, other bodily fluids; these poisonous scents hung in the air like sinful, fallen stars. Kaneki wrinkled his nose in distaste and thought of how blood would mix with these scents. In his mind, blood was a harmonious element that complimented everything, be it mixed with cigar smoke curling from meaty lips to the color dripping down the old brick walls._

_At last the couple stopped in a dead end alley. Kaneki knelt against a half-closed doorway to appear like nothing more than a drunk beggar, waiting for the moment to strike. He closed his ears to the sounds coming from the couple and the steady beat of music from the building at his back as he reviewed his plan one last time._

_Follow the man... Get the girl out of there... Question him... Kill him..._

_He was certain: nothing could go wrong._

_He stood from his hiding spot and started towards the couple. The officer immediately noticed him and he turned an irritated face to the approaching man, zipping his pants to retain what little dignity he had left._

**_“You lost, boy? Scram.”_ **

_A smile tugged at Kaneki’s lips. Without hesitating, he withdrew the first grenade, pulled the pin, and threw. The couple’s eyes followed its arching path before it exploded on the opposite wall, out of harm’s way._

_The explosion was something to be marveled at. There was little sound, only a hissing noise as the acid peeled away the wall’s graffiti and destroyed the metal shell of a lamp post. The main light source flickered before keeling over, crashing against the opposite wall, plunging the alley way into momentary darkness before the people’s eyes adjusted to the faint light spilling from windows and the skyglow above._

_The girl screamed in terror a second later, the fear of the situation seeming to finally catch up to her. The officer’s grip weakened and she wrenched herself free, making to scramble away. As she passed, Kaneki grabbed her arm._

**_“Tell no one of me,”_ ** _he hissed. She whimpered and nodded before bolting out of the alley, hopefully back home. Alone with his target, Kaneki let a grin spread across his face. He locked eyes with the officer, who gazed at him with a mix of anger and fear._

 **_“Who the fuck are you?!”_ ** _he demanded, instinctively reaching to his belt for a gun that wasn’t there. It only made Kaneki smile more._

 **_“Only the last person you’ll ever see, hope you enjoyed your last fuck.”_ ** _He chuckled._ **_“Looking for one of these?”_ ** _His hand slipped behind him and withdrew the 22 semi automatic pistol._ **_“I brought this just for you.”_ ** _He tossed the gun to the officer. It skidded near his feet and the large man groped for it gracelessly. Once he had it, he raised it with a practice hand. Kaneki laughed._

 **_“I will shoot you!”_ ** _he shouted, voice strong._

 **_“You trust the gun your killer gave you?”_ ** _Kaneki walked forward fearlessly. The officer’s arm twitched and he pulled the trigger. Nothing. He pulled the trigger four more times with still no bullet. The gun tumbled from his grasp and he started backing up._

**_“Y-you want something? Money? Girls? I can get you anything you want!”_ **

**_“I don’t want your deals,”_ ** _Kaneki spat, kneeling down the pick up the gun. He held the barrel to his temple, a teasing smile on his lips._ **_“Want to see where the last bullet is?”_ ** _He pulled the trigger. Still nothing. He laughed._ **_“Now where could it be?”_ ** _He dropped the gun and in a fluid motion ran his straightened fingers into the officer’s shoulder, going in about half an inch. The officer screamed in pain. Kaneki removed his hand, and between his pointer and middle fingers was a bullet._ **_“Oh, there it is.”_ ** _He flicked it behind him._

 _The officer’s hand clamped over his wounded shoulder._ **_“You... you bastard.”_ **

_Kaneki reached into his pocket and withdrew the second grenade, something no bigger than his palm._ **_“I’ve got a special surprise for you if you can answer this question correctly: where are the girls you kidnapped?”_ **

**_“I - I don’t know what y-you’re talking about!”_ **

**_“You don’t?”_ ** _Kaneki’s finger teased the grenade’s pin._ **_“You’re sure about that?”_ **

**_“I’m sure! I’m sure!”_ **

_His words grated on Kaneki’s ears. He was a liar. The smile fell from Kaneki’s face as his anger took over. His knee shot out and slammed into the officer’s abdomen. The man’s knees buckled and Kaneki planted a hand firmly on the officer’s shoulder to keep him down, his nails digging into the man’s jacket._

**_“Surprisingly, I don’t believe you.”_ **

_He pulled the pin with his teeth and slammed the grenade into the officer’s mouth, breaking some teeth from the strength. The man screamed as the grenade was shoved down his throat, his tongue fighting it. As he writhed, Kaneki stepped back, and realized what he had done._

_But he realized too late. The grenade exploded, destroying the man. The only things still intact was an arm, his legs, and his lower intestines. Blood exploded against the walls like a popped balloon; bones shattered; organs and appendages turned to jelly._

_Searing heat slammed into Kaneki’s chest and he fell backwards, face, neck, and hands prickling with pain. Blood bubbled up into his mouth from biting his tongue and the world turned dark._

**_“Iron sulfide, you dipshit, didn’t I tell you to keep it away from the acid?”_** Dammit, Nishio. At least I... killed that... officer. _“Hey!” “Oh god, are you alright?”_ No, it was just me; is someone talking to me? _“Uh, shit, um...” “I’ll get you out of here, I’m a doctor. Well... sort of.”_ Well that’s... reassuring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prepare for some Uta and Nishio sass in the next installment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *"lean on me" plays in the background* Lean on me~ when you're not strong~ And I'll be your frriiieeend~ I'll help you caaaarryyyy ooooon~! (okay, I have no idea what to put for the summery, please bear with me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw, I failed chemistry so don't expect specifics for, like, formulas and stuff.

“Eyesight any better?”

Kaneki shook his head as he tentatively took another bite of cereal. Watching him, Hide sighed. Whenever Kaneki did anything, he acted like an overly cautious rabbit exploring something for the first time; from the small bites he took while eating to the quiet way he walked, Kaneki acted like the world was glass and one wrong move would shatter it.

At least his complexion was looking better.

“Should I take you to the hospital?”

He shook his head again.

“So you’re content with living the rest of your life blind?”

This drew a long pause.

Hide sighed again. “How are you ever going to gaze upon my magnificent face if you can’t see?” He chuckled at his own comment. “Alright, do you know anyone who could help? I’m an... uncertified doctor and you clearly don’t want to go to the authorities.” Hide tapped his chin in thought. “If I had the right tools I could assess the damage myself, but those are some expensive tools and I’m borderline broke -- med school is pricey, you know.”

Kaneki opened his mouth, hesitated, then said quietly, “I know a guy.”

Hide’s face lit up. “Brilliant! Who is it?”

“You don’t... really want to meet him,” Kaneki replied. “If you have a phone, I’ll call him.”

* * *

Hide ended up having to dial for Kaneki, since he momentarily forgot he couldn’t see the buttons. Kaneki’s stomach was heavy with the shame of having to be taken care of to such a degree, but he really had no choice until he got in contact with Nishio or Uta and got his eyesight back.

The phone rang for a solid minute and a half before a voice droned from the other side, “I was in the middle of something really important so unless you’re my boss or the mafia you can kindly fuck off.” A muffled, woman’s voice sounded from the other side and Nishio snapped, “I’ll take you up on that deal if you give me three minutes!”

Kaneki swallowed, searching for his voice. “It’s me.”

“Oh, you?” the voice returned. “So you’re not dead.”

“...I’m not.”

“But the other bastard _is_ dead and I just heard from Touka that Yoriko is still missing. Just how much did you fuck up?” Kaneki’s lengthy pause drew a concerned, “You still there?”

“I can’t see.” Kaneki’s voice sounded distant to himself. He was slowly becoming hyper aware of the warm plastic of the phone, heated from his tense grip. Every muscle in his body was tightening and a faint ringing resonated in his ears. The scents of cheerios and 99 cent coffee became nauseating and his stomach tightened.

“Kaneki? Kaneki!” Nishio’s voice echoed from the phone as it tumbled from Kaneki’s grasp and he stumbled out of his chair, hands searching for the nearest trashcan.

What he found was a sink. Bile and a couple spoonfuls of cheerios fell out of his mouth and Kaneki coughed hoarsely, feeling disoriented and lightheaded. He just wanted to lay down and sleep for a month and maybe wake up to everything being alright.

A cool hand landed gently on his shoulder, a touch as soft as a butterfly’s wings. As Kaneki dry heaved against the cold sink, Hide’s hands moved deftly across his shoulders, their touch strangely soothing. Hide was saying something, but the ringing in Kaneki’s ears persisted for a while more.

Finally, his stomach empty, he turned and sank against the cabinet. He wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand and begged the gods to return his sight.

Hide sat down next to him and Kaneki was glad he wasn’t alone.

“I spoke to your friend. He said to bring you to Uta’s. He also said you would know where that is, seeing as I definitely do not.”

Kaneki’s head fell against Hide’s shoulder, fatigue washing over him. “We can... go tomorrow.”

“You sure? I mean, it’s only 9am, if you want to rest we can go this evening or something.”

Kaneki sighed and closed his eyes. “This evening then.”

* * *

Hide let Kaneki borrow his bed -- the only bed in the entire two-room apartment. The dark-haired boy in Hide’s slightly too big clothes fell asleep almost instantly. Hide made a mental note that just because someone had been knocked out from pain didn’t mean they had gotten any rest.

While Kaneki slept, Hide tidied the room a little so that when Kaneki got his eyesight back he wouldn’t see such a mess of strewn papers, binders, take-out containers, and stacks of books imitating the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

If he came back, that was.

Still, Hide pretended he was using it as an excuse to finally clean his place.

As it turned out, getting hot sauce and teriyaki stains out of the small carpet took more time than expected. Hide went through a whole bottle of bleach and two rolls of paper towels before the rug looked even remotely decent again.

But there was still the pile of laundry and two-week old homework.

Looking at the clock and dismayed to find it was only noon, Hide decided to give himself a well deserved break and called up his favorite fast-food-delivery place, ordering two extra dishes for when Kaneki awoke -- hopefully the other boy would be able to keep down his lunch.

Kaneki jolted awake when the doorbell rang, his hand groping his side for something that wasn’t there. Hide wondered what kind of instinct that was as he opened the door, paid the delivery boy, and brought the food over.

“Hope you like chicken fried rice, ‘cause that’s what I ordered for you. Also some wonton soup.”

Kaneki sat up and rubbed his eyes. His disheveled hair and face revealing tired emotion rather than his usual deadpan expression was almost... cute.

_Cute?_

Hide shook his head as he dished beef lo mein onto a paper plate for himself before handing a plate of rice and chicken to Kaneki. This time, the scent didn’t seem to make him green, and he dug right in.

“Feel better?” Hide inquired, dismissing his earlier thought. “Sleep is practically the remedy for everything. At least I think so.”

Kaneki’s lips curled in a small a smile, the first Hide had seen and he found himself perplexed by the innocence of it.

“Yeah,” Kaneki agreed quietly.

Hide swallowed and set down his plate. “I need to call my boss and tell him I won’t be in work today. I’ll be right back.” Not waiting for an answer, he grabbed the cell phone and dashed outside into the stifling heat of summer. He jabbed the number into the phone and tapped his foot as he impatiently waited.

“Hello, this is the editing department, can I help you?”

“Hey, Seidou, got a minute?”

“No I don’t.”

“Please?” Hide begged. “Just two minutes. Besides, it's Sunday and you’re just playing Pac-Man over there.”

“I’ll have you know I’m a very busy person!” Seidou argued.

“What’s your score?”

“...2,375.”

“A-ha! Now you have to listen to my woes.”

“Unless it has to do with unrequited love or you’re finally getting fired I don’t want to hear it.”

“Well...” Hide was quiet for a moment. “Look, I just met them last night and - ”

“I didn’t take you as the person for one-night stands, Nagachika.”

“No no! It was nothing like that! Listen, I just need pointers. Or something.”

“How did you meet?”

“Uh... I found him - I mean them knocked out. After a fight.” _That’s putting it lightly._

Seidou sighed. “Okay, I don’t know the word for it, or even if there is a word for it, but your brain is probably tricking you into thinking you’re in love if you met in a dangerous situation. If you two met at a moment of heightened emotion your human need for companionship latched onto it like a lifeline. It’s not bad and you can easily get out of it. Seriously, you’re calling me for _this_? Unless you’re telling me you’re going to be late for work I need to hang up now.”

Hide grinned. “Nah, I’m calling to tell you I won’t be into work at all. I’ve got a patient!”

“Nagachika I swear to god if you’re doing something stupid - !” Seidou was cut off as Hide hung up. He tipped his head back and sighed at the dazzling blue, cloudless sky. In the quiet, empty, Sunday afternoon, the cicadas filled the silence with muted screams.

“Well, makes sense,” he muttered as he turned to go back inside. Did finding someone covered in blood next to an exploded corpse count as a dangerous situation?

Probably.

* * *

By the time 5pm rolled around Hide had miraculously drawn fifteen minutes of conversation from Kaneki, as well as gotten him to help stop precariously leaning books from falling over. With fresh bandages and a quick snack of Ritz crackers, the two were off.

At first, Kaneki could feel his face warming in shame of having to latch himself onto Hide’s arm to be guided through the streets -- but after a while he admitted to himself that he had no other choice and he felt better.

Hide wasn’t a bad person, and it felt like forever since Kaneki had met such a character. Hide filled the silence between them with absentminded comments about school, work, his childhood, and his favorite foods. Car engines and horns, the incessant murmur of the crowd’s chatter, and restaurants’ sizzling and plate clinking seemed drowned out by one boy’s words.

Hide was warm. When Kaneki walked outside, he often felt stifled by the city’s chill and summer’s heat; but as he clung so close to the complete stranger, Kaneki only felt surreal warmth.

Despite his better judgement, he wanted to know more about Hide.

In his line for work, friend’s were weakness. He only considered Touka and Nishio friends because he knew they could handle themselves if shit ever hit the fan -- which it often did. Based on the short time Kaneki had known Hide, he was sure Hide’s kindness and naivety would get him killed if he stayed around Kaneki any longer than necessary.

“Okay, we’re at that corner store facing south. Left or right?”

“Left.”

Scents of food faded out, replaced by fog machines and cigarettes. The pulsing beat of dance clubs pounded the ground, the sound overwhelming. His hearing compromised, Kaneki found it harder to stay balanced and he leaned more on Hide.

“The Masked Ghoul, right?”

Kaneki nodded.

“Alright. There’s two steps, be careful.” Hide had to bring his mouth close to Kaneki’s ear to be heard as they entered the club. The bass intensified and Kaneki, without sight or hearing, felt completely lost. A familiar fear wormed its way into his stomach.

“There should be a door to the left labeled ‘office’!”

“WHAT?!” Hide shouted.

“TO THE LEFT!” Kaneki replied, louder. “A DOOR LABELED ‘OFFICE’!”

There was a pause, then a faint, “Oh, I see it,” and they were moving again. The heat from dancing bodies flooded the small space between the mob and the wall.

Kaneki didn’t need to see to know that couples were flattened against the walls and forgotten shoes littered the floor. Once the club was closed, it would look like a thousand vomiting faeries and flown through and, in a drunken stupor, pickpocketed the randomest things: earrings, pennies, rubber bands, bobby pins, gum wrappers, wallets, fishnet stockings, broken glass, hair extensions, the list went on. Occasionally, blood speckled parts of the wall and floor, and one time Nishio had even brought a black-light in -- that was an experience Kaneki had no want for remembering.

Kaneki barely heard Hide open a door before he was ushered inside. Kaneki braced himself on the railing to avoid tumbling down the stairs he knew were there, and Hide pulled the door shut behind them. The music faded and Kaneki could hear himself breathe again.

* * *

“Holy shit. Stairs.” Hide hadn’t been expecting them and almost fell down them, surprised that his blind companion wasn’t phased by them at all.

Hide helped Kaneki down the stairs where the music faded to an ignorable hum. At the bottom they opened into a wide room filled with tables overflowing with various tools. Hide couldn’t even begin to guess what some of them were for.

One half of the room looked like a chemistry experiment gone wrong, the other looked like a cosplay runway.

Hide looked around for the guy they were supposed to meet but couldn’t spot anyone.

“Uh, it was Uta, right? Is he not here?” Hide inquired as he watched Kaneki shuffle across the room towards a nearby bench.

“No, he’s here,” Kaneki replied simply.

Hide looked around some more. “Where, though?”

“Behind you,” a voice hissed in his ear and he jumped a good foot.

Hide whirled around in surprise to find a tall and lean man had been hovering behind him. The man was dressed casual, as if he had just picked up and put on whatever had been lying around his floor: a white tee and black jeans cut off at the knee. His dark hair was shaved on one side and his bare skin sported several, unique tattoos.

The man -- Hide’s deductive reasoning deciding he was Uta -- leaned in, dark eyes scrutinizing Hide, a look like that of a scientist wanting to dissect a new species of frog.

“Thank you for taking care of him,” Uta said at last, leaning back. His kind words were not something Hide had been expecting and he was caught slightly off guard.

“You’re welcome,” he stammered quickly. He stuck out his hand. “I’m Hide!”

Uta looked down at the hand as if it were a foreign object before taking it lightly with his finger tips. “Uta.”

“You gave the materials to Nishio, right?” Kaneki asked, getting back to business.

Uta turned to him. “I did.”

“So you can fix my eyesight?”

“Tell me how you lost it.”

Kaneki closed his eyes and paused. Hide wondered what was going through the other boy’s mind. Hide stared hard at Kaneki’s face, trying to read his mind, but he came up with nothing. He barely noticed Uta, in turn, staring at him.

Finally, Kaneki said, “I was about a meter away when the... grenade went off inside the other guy. I closed my eyes so I don’t think I got any of the liquid in them, it was just the gas.”

“Hmm... Didn’t Nishio tell you to throw it at least ten meters?”

Kaneki _tch_ -ed, as if he had been dancing around a certain detail and Uta had just tripped him. “He did.”

Uta shrugged. “It’s all the same to me, you brought this on yourself.”

“He wasn’t responsible for Yoriko, I still have work to do.”

Throughout the conversation, Hide had grown quieter and more thoughtful as certain thoughts were confirmed and others brought to new light. It was now obvious Kaneki had killed the other man -- but not for the hell of it. The man had somehow done something to this Yoriko person and Kaneki wanted to fix it.

For some reason, the thought of Kaneki killing someone didn’t bother Hide -- if anything, Hide was even more intrigued than before. Clearly there was some justifiable reason as to why the other man had had to die.

Uta moved towards one of the tables holding chemistry- and medical-looking supplies. “Alright, I’ll add it to your tab. Head over to the chair.”

As Uta prepared his materials, Kaneki didn’t move, only continued to stare blankly at the floor. Hide figured out quickly that Kaneki had no way of getting over to the chair hidden in the corner without likely making a mess.

Hide hurried over and took Kaneki’s arm. “Here, I’ll help.”

Kaneki replied quietly, “Thanks.”

The chair, styled like that of a dentist’s, was covered with a grimy sheet weighed down by boxes of empty glass bottles. Hide carefully placed them to the side before helping Kaneki up. A moment later Uta walked over, wheeling a small trolley that held nothing but two syringes and a roll of paper towels.

Hide stepped away as Uta bent over Kaneki, fiddling with something. When he stepped away, Hide saw Kaneki had been cuffed to the chair.

“What’re those for?” Hide asked as Uta fixated a bright light over Kaneki’s face.

“Safety.”

“Whose?”

“Everyone’s.”

Uta reached over and brought a metal contraption over from behind the head of the chair. It was minimal, only a couple bent bars and screws, but Hide had no idea what it was for.

“Open your eyes,” Uta said and Kaneki complied. Until now, Kaneki’s eyes had been hooded or shadowed -- now, Hide could see how foggy they were, the whites encroaching over the iris and against the pupil. There didn’t seem to be any immediate damage, thankfully.

Uta lowered the device around Kaneki’s head; two, U-shaped pieces hooked under the lip of his eyelids to hold them open.

“Your nerves will react, but all you’ll feel is a sting,” Uta said as he tapped the first syringe before lowering it over Kaneki’s right eye. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

Hide stepped back to give Uta room, but not far enough that he couldn’t see what was happening. He waited with baited breath as Uta positioned the syringe over Kaneki’s eye and let the first, clear drop fall.

Kaneki’s reaction was immediate. His hands clenched the armrests as he cried out. His eyes fought to close, but couldn’t. His breath hissed between his teeth as Uta continued dropping the solution into Kaneki’s eye.

“Does it hurt that much?” Hide asked tentatively.

Uta looked over his shoulder and smiled, his lip piercing glinting in the fluorescent light. “Of course.”

Hide grimaced as Uta set down the empty syringe and picked up the second, moving opposite Hide. Kaneki lay gasping between them, fingers curling and uncurling in an attempt to harness the pain.

“Now for the other eye...”

Uta positioned the syringe and Hide cringed as if he were the one preparing for the pain. Kaneki took a deep breath and held it as Uta repeated the process with his left eye. Once again, Kaneki writhed in pain, but he was able to contain it better than before.

Hide was thankful when it was over; Kaneki, looking exhausted, appeared grateful as well.

Uta wrapped a white cloth around Kaneki’s eyes and helped him sit up. “Satisfied?”

Kaneki exhaled before replying softly, “Thank you.”

“Your eyesight should return by morning.” Uta glanced at the analogue clock nearby. “That concludes my work here, out you go.”

Hide didn’t even need to offer his help, Kaneki reached out for him and fell against him weakly.

Hide nodded to Uta. “Thanks again.”

Uta returned the gesture as he pulled a lollipop out of his pocket and stuck it in his mouth.

* * *

Kaneki had been expecting that much pain, telling himself he could endure it, but he had proved himself wrong. Uta had been right, most of the pain was in his head, but that hadn’t stopped him from feeling it.

Too tired to worry about what it might look like with him leaning heavily on Hide, Kaneki only thought about laying down and sleeping again. No matter how much he wanted to find Touka and Nishio and get more information on Yoriko’s kidnapper, he acknowledged he couldn’t do much without sleep.

“I guess... leftovers for dinner then?” Hide asked as they climbed the stairs to his apartment.

“Or maybe... just sleep,” Kaneki replied tiredly.

He felt Hide nod. Once inside, Kaneki kicked off his shoes and let Hide guide him towards the bed. It wasn’t the nicest bed, nothing more than a mattress on an old, wire frame, but at the moment it was the softest thing in the world.

* * *

Once Kaneki was out, Hide sat down and contemplated what to do.

He had nowhere to sleep.

The floor was out of the question because it was wood.

The carpet was too small.

He could pile a couple quilts but each was worn out and Kaneki was on top of good one.

Hide groaned quietly and tidied up the floor a bit more. He knew he had to sleep since he had work tomorrow followed by night classes at the university.

His eyes drifted to the bed and Kaneki’s sleeping form.

He turned away. _No, no, no, and no. Out of the question. Absolutely not._

But all he was doing was sleeping, so there wouldn’t be a problem... right?

Hide changed into shorts and a tanktop to accommodate the summer’s heat before walking to stand over the bed. _No big deal, no big deal, no big deal._

With one foot, as if afraid of contracting some disease, Hide nudged Kaneki over to make room for the both of them. The bed was against the wall, so Hide didn’t have to worry about shoving Kaneki off at any point. Stiffly, Hide settled himself onto the narrow space and stared at the ceiling.

_Now I’m more wound up than usual and can’t sleep at all..._

Hide sighed and rolled over on his side so his back faced the other boy. He frowned at the far wall and whispered to himself, “I probably shouldn’t be interested, he seems dangerous.”

As if admitting it to himself was the magic spell, Hide drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Kaneki awoke to faint light filtering through the cloth over his eyes. Slowly, he sat up, feeling refreshed, and tugged the cloth away. As his eyes adjusted to the gray, morning light, his heart leapt at the _sight_ of things.

The apartment was smaller than his: there was only one room for the bed, coffee table, kitchenette, and piles of school papers. An overflowing trashbag was propped near the door, and next to that was a second door that was likely the bathroom. Kaneki reached behind him and pulled the single window’s curtain away, spilling more light across the worn, wooden floor.

Someone groaned and rustled next to him. Kaneki jolted, having not realized someone was in the cramped bed with him. He looked down to see a man -- the one who had been taking care of him? -- rubbing his eyes, sunflower hair a haphazard disaster.

Kaneki knew immediately: this was Hide.

“Is it morning already...?” Hide groaned, sitting up and yawning, stretching his arms behind his head. “I feel like I didn’t sleep at all...” He turned half closed eyes to Kaneki. “Did you sleep well? I know I didn’t. I guess I kinda did, I don’t know.”

Kaneki searched for his voice as he found himself unable to pull his eyes away from Hide’s face. His skin was sun kissed, his sleepy eyes like melted chocolate, and there was a light scattering of freckles across his cheeks, nose, and shoulders.

“I... I slept fine,” Kaneki finally replied, voice sounding choked to his ears.

Eyes still semi-closed from sleep, Hide grinned; a smile that lit up the room and made the morning light glow. “That’s great! You must be feeling better then. Can you see?”

Kaneki’s voice caught in his throat again. “I’m...” He scratched the back of his neck as he thought of everything that had happened: the officer exploding, the pain in his chest, Hide finding him, Hide taking care of him, Hide giving him a bath, Hide getting him food, Hide helping to Uta’s, Hide letting him stay at his house...

Kaneki’s face blossomed with redness and he brought his hands up, trying to hide the blush. “F-fine,” he finished quietly, looking down.

Hide was quiet for a long moment before the bed creaked and climbed to his feet. “Well, I’ve got some left overs for breakfast; hope you don’t mind rice.”

If Kaneki dwelled on it, he thought he heard Hide’s voice containing a similar strain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not as much sass as I wanted, but I got to build up the relationship a bit! everything is going to go great! right? ...right? *nervous laughter*


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the plot shall now roll. (the plot being a tractor tire that's on fire and heading towards some kindling.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might be a bit late to say, but editorial comments or any kind of constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!!

“So... are you going to tell me about yourself?” Hide inquired as they walked towards the train station. The sky was overcast and there was a cool breeze blowing from the north -- or so the weatherman had said -- making the summer’s heat miraculously tolerable.

Hide was fully conscious of his immense focus on keeping his eyes either on the ground or straight ahead. For some reason, he felt like if he even glanced at Kaneki’s bewitching, silver eyes he would lose the ability to speak.

He was also afraid this was their last conversation. Kaneki, with his eyesight returned, had no more reason to stay with him. As thanks, Kaneki had somehow turned a $2 ramen package into a breakfast feast, telling Hide how he lived alone on a budget, so he had learned how to make a lot out of a little.

Other than that, and that Hide had deducted that Kaneki must be the leader of some underground revenge mafia, Hide knew nothing about random friend he had made.

If he could call their weird relationship ‘friendship’ at all.

Kaneki pondered Hide’s question for a while before replying, “I don’t really know what to tell.”

Hide gave a determined frown at the lampost ahead. “Anything! Do you have family? Were you born here? What’s your favorite food? Favorite color? I’m dying to know anything at this point.”

Kaneki chuckled, the sound tempting Hide almost enough to look -- but he fought the urge and kept his eyes forward.

“I guess it doesn’t take much to satisfy you. I’m an only child and yes, I was born here. I like hamburgers, the gourmet kind that are almost eight dollars. I’d have to say my favorite color is...” He paused and Hide risked looking back.

Kaneki’s eyes were staring off into nowhere, their gray shade luminous under the silver clouds.

Hide wondered what those eyes were seeing.

“Red,” he replied at last, and Hide snapped his head back around so Kaneki wouldn’t know he’d been staring and almost walked into a stop sign. “I like the color red.”

* * *

Hide’s question had been innocent enough, but when Kaneki thought about an honest answer he had stopped short.

His favorite color?

His initial thought had been green, like the color he painted his lips to entice targets. His second thought had been white, like the false innocence he portrayed to fool strangers into questioning their nighttime choices. His third thought had been yellow, like sunflowers, like the hair of the man who had voluntarily saved him.

That thought he had quickly chased from his head.

Then he considered what he liked to do: kill. Why did he like to kill? He felt himself slipping away as he thought about _how he enjoyed the sight of severed arteries painting the ceiling and walls; how beerbellied douchebags popped like water balloons, their intestines spilling into a soupy mess across the cracked pavement; how broken appendages sometimes twitched before he cut them free from their mortal host, who lay curled and screaming in the corner, begging for mercy; and what did all these have in common?_

Blood.

His favorite color was blood.

But, of course, he couldn’t say that. Despite Hide knowing that Kaneki had exploded a military officer with a chemical grenade and continued to stick around, Kaneki wanted to preserve Hide’s carefree outlook on the situation as much as he still could.

“Red. I like the color red.”

Not that it mattered that much, once they parted way at the train station, Kaneki would make sure they never ran into each other again.

“What about yourself?” he asked, diverting the topic from himself to Hide.

Hide laughed. “I’m an only child too, came to the city from the countryside to go to medical school. Unfortunately I’m broke as well, but it’s working out! I’ve stayed in the top fifty of my class the entire year, so I might get a scholarship for the next semester, and then I might be able to afford real food!” He paused after the exclamation and seemed to be thinking, so Kaneki didn’t say anything. “I like pies and I think my favorite color is orange.”

“That suites you.”

“What?”

“Oh, sorry, I said that suites you. Orange, that is.”

Hide chuckled, but it sounded slightly forced. “You think so?”

“I do think so.”

They reached the train station. Without a word, Kaneki paused at the edge of it. Hide took several more steps before realizing he was no longer being followed. He turned to regard Kaneki with curious eyes.

Kaneki took a deep breath, fighting the dread that hadn’t seemed to leave his stomach since the two had departed from the apartment. “Hide...” he started.

“I know,” the blond interrupted. “You’re leaving from here, aren’t you?”

Kaneki’s eyes widened before he nodded. “...Yeah.”

Hide sighed before mustering a smile, a look so pure all the words Kaneki had been rehearsing vanished.

“Yeah, I thought as much. You seem to be involved in some deep shit and I would just endanger you. Don’t worry, I already made up my mind.” He held out his hand. “It was awesome meeting you. All I gotta say is make sure to keep your wound clean and stay ten meters away when you throw... you know, _things_.”

An amused smile tugged at Kaneki’s lips. “Thank you, Hide, for everything.” He shook the other’s hand, focusing on remembering it’s texture and warmth. At the same time he was relieved Hide understood the situation, Kaneki wished Hide could have become a friend like Yoriko was to Touka.

The train rolled into the station and Hide jumped, as if just remembering where he was. “Oh, well, uh, I gotta go then. Um...” He dropped Kaneki’s hand awkwardly. “Goodbye, then.”

Kaneki managed the most genuine smile he could. “Farewell.”

He stayed where he was, watching Hide dash through the ticket station and leap aboard the train just before the doors closed. Kaneki remained until the train was out of sight, and even then his feet were glued to the old cement.

 _I can’t stand here forever,_ he chided himself, reluctantly forcing his feet to move. He took his time walking down the familiar streets, for some reason dreading what he would encounter at Anteiku.

And simply because he dreaded that, he turned in the opposite direction and headed towards the library.

He knew for sure he would be questioned by Touka and Nishio, probably even Yoshimura; next he’d receive an update from Irmi and Yomo about who might have taken Yoriko, then he’d avoid any other responsibilities that Koma would want to throw on him and plan his next kill.

At least he wished that’s how it would go.

When he got to the library, he took a seat in the far back and pulled one of his favorite books off the shelf, ‘Monochrome Rainbow,’ and quickly lost himself in it.

He ended up reading the entirety of ‘Monochrome Rainbow’ and half of ‘The Black Goat’s Egg’ before he realized it was five o’clock and he was starving.

 _Guess I’ll just get food from Anteiku_ , he thought as he put the book back and headed out of the library and down the darkening streets.

When he was within sight of Anteiku, whose first floor was a cafe, a clever cover up to keep the police from finding their somewhat highly illegal doings, the door burst open and Touka stormed out.

“It would’ve killed you to have called, wouldn’t it’ve?!” she barked, stopping in front of him and poking his chest harshly. “Stupid Nishiki comes in this morning saying you got yourself blinded and here the rest of us thought you were dead!”

“Touka, aren’t you on duty right now?” Kaneki asked hurriedly, trying to quell her anger.

She swiped at her dark bangs before crossing her arms. “Yoshimura closed early because there’s some major stuff we gotta deal with and you were fucking nowhere to be found! We were all waiting for you, especially Koma. Took your sweet time getting here, didn’t you?”

Kaneki sighed and smiled slightly. “I was seeing someone off and then I got lost in the library, I’ll tell you guys about everything in a minute, so can we go inside and get something to eat?”

“Oh you’re not eating yet, this is your punishment for standing the rest of us up,” Touka retorted with a glare before turning and leading the way into the cafe.

It was a quaint place, it’s specialty being serving freshly ground, exotic coffees, an old hobby of the manager’s, Yoshimura. When Irmi and Yomo and joined, they added family recipes to the menu that rivaled even official patisseries.

“By the way, who’s clothes are you wearing?” Touka asked as they walked through the empty shop.

“Oh, uh...” Kaneki looked down at the green tank-top and jeans. “They’re from the person who helped me after the... incident.”

**“So, yeah, your clothes were super beat up, so you can borrow some of mine!”**

Touka scoffed. “Not really your style.”

They entered the back room that appeared too small for the occasion. At the table in the center, Nishio fiddled with some handguns and pocket pistols; in one corner Irimi and Yomo were flipping through notebooks and a tablet, likely going over old news articles and jobs, searching for patterns; in another corner, Yoshimura and Koma were discussing something quietly, probably Kaneki’s incident and the fact they had pinned the wrong man.

In the Anteiku group, Kaneki wasn’t an official member. He had been a rogue serial killer who had gotten caught after targeting one of their protected members, Ryouko Fueguchi. Though he had known the woman was an ex-mafia guard, a delay in train transportation made him get there late to the home, arriving just as a younger girl, a middle schooler, had been. The girl, whom he later learned was Ryouko’s daughter, Hinami, had screamed bloody murder and Irmi, who happened to be visiting, caught Kaneki before he could run far enough.

Anteiku had been smart enough not to ask Kaneki to join -- he would have declined and likely tried to undermine their system. Rather, Yoshimura offered a treaty with Kaneki that he hadn’t been able to refuse -- protection from the police in exchange for helping with occasional, messy jobs.

Nishio, naturally, had been strongly against the whole ordeal, but after seeing how Hinami had taken a liking to Kaneki, he relented.

Hinami and Kaneki happened to bond over horror novels, much to her mother’s dismay.

“About time you got here,” Nishio droned without looking up from his work. “I see you can see again. You sounded pretty desperate over the phone yesterday -- how long did you cry onto your boyfriend’s shoulder after breaking down?”

“Can it, shitty Nishiki,” Touka spat. Kaneki only shrugged the comment off.

Yoshimura stepped forward, his writhered, old face as kind as always. “We are glad you could make it, we were hoping to hear what happened from you personally.”

“What? My tale wasn’t good enough?” Nishio asked, mockingly sounding offended.

“Your tale was bullshit and we all know it,” Touka quickly replied.

“I executed the plan perfectly, as I usually do,” Kaneki started, ignoring the other two’s banter. “I followed him until he was alone, got the girl out of there, and shoved a grenade down his throat.”

“Yes, but did you get any info?” Irimi inquired.

**“I’ve got a special surprise for you if you can answer this question correctly: where are the girls you kidnapped?”**

**“I - I don’t know what y-you’re talking about!”**

**“You don’t? You’re sure about that?”**

**“I’m sure! I’m sure!”**

**“Surprisingly, I don’t believe you.”**

“He didn’t know anything,” Kaneki continued. “He didn’t need to kidnap anyone, he was prepared to have enough fun to last him a couple days in one night. Plus he didn’t have any standard kidnapping materials on him.”

“And did you figure that by personal experience or after you exploded him?” Nishio interrupted.

“It doesn’t matter, Yoriko is still missing,” Kaneki replied.

Irimi, a slender woman with a calming air, stepped forward. “That’s what we’ve been working on -- Yomo and I.” She held up the tablet. “After a little research we found that there have been a total of six kidnappings over the past three months, all in a similar fashion: when the person was walking home from work or school around six to seven o’clock. And it hasn’t just been girls, two boys have gone missing as well.”

“And the police aren’t investigating this shit? Why do we have to do it?” Nishio groaned.

Touka slapped her hand on the table. “Because he’s taken Yoriko! What if it’s Kimi next? Or one of us? This is a personal matter now.”

“I don’t know why I have to continue helping,” he snapped, face threatening. “I did my part - ”

In a blur, the screwdriver was off the table and in Kaneki’s hand, the tip resting against the side of Nishio’s throat. The room fell silent.

“She’s right, this is everyone’s problem now. If I was hired to find this guy then you can be damn well sure you’re gonna help,” Kaneki hissed.

Nishio swallowed before batting the screwdriver away and adjusting his glasses. “Fine, I get it.”

Irimi rubbed the bridge of her nose before continuing. “In other news, while we try to find more information about this kidnapper, Koma has something to say.”

The barrel-chested man with a chubby, button nose stepped forward, smiling brightly as he usually did. “Because of the situation and our lack of ears, we’ve decided to reach out to a particular sponsor for help.” He turned to Kaneki, and Kaneki suddenly felt like the other man’s smile was very threatening. “I’ve already set up an appointment.”

Kaneki felt his insides squirm, dreading where this was going. “Okay.”

“Out with it, Koma,” Nishio demanded absentmindedly.

“Kaneki, we’d like for you to meet with Tsukiyama Shuu for dinner at the Epicurean Guild.”

Kaneki stared at Koma for what felt like a solid minute before inquiring, deadpan, “Are you fucking with me?”

“Of course not!” Koma replied heartily, stepping forward to land a large hand on Kaneki’s shoulder, squeezing harder than necessary. “He likes you, you’re our only shot at acquiring some of his...” He searched for the right word. “ _Connections_.”

Kaneki groaned inwardly, knowing he couldn’t get out of the meeting. “I get it, I get it.”

“You’ll need something else to wear,” Yoshimura added. “You can use the suit you wore from last time, though there’s still some blood on the left side of the shirt.”

Kaneki remembered the time Tsukiyama had tried tricking him into going to a love hotel -- Kaneki had promptly beaten him bloody and almost gotten arrested.

 _He’s the biggest masochist if I ever met one_ , he thought, dreading the encounter.

“It’s still in the closet, I believe, why don’t you go get ready,” Yoshimura concluded, gesturing towards the door.

Kaneki was halfway out when he realized they had more to discuss, just out of his earshot.

 _Whatever, it’s not like I need to know that much anyway_ , he reasoned with himself as he took the suit out of the upstairs closet and brought it to the bathroom. It wasn’t a bad suit; the black color, he thought, complimented his complexion and hair, and the blood-red silk tie was his favorite color, so he couldn’t complain about that. He was simply unused to the stiff restrictions of the suit, and he immediately felt uncomfortable and reluctant to go out wearing it.

_It’s just for dinner, you can do it._

Kaneki exited the bathroom to find Touka leaning against the wall, waiting. She straightened when she saw him, eyeing him up and down before sighing. “Have you ever heard of this miraculous invention called a brush?” She moved past him to grab it from the counter before hitting Kaneki’s shoulders to get him to kneel.

“You’re going to wrinkle my suit,” he argued playfully as she brushed his haphazard hair into something presentable for a five star, world-class restaurant.

“It’s already wrinkled from when you round-house kicked the poor bastard,” she replied, yanking at a knot, earning a wince from Kaneki.

“Please don’t grow up to be a hairdresser,” he pleaded.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she accused, kneeing his back to let him he could stand again.

He smiled. “I just wouldn’t want any of your clients to go bald. Also you’re a terrible conversationalist.”

“Still better than Nishio,” she replied out of the corner of her mouth. “Yoshimura told me to tell you that your meeting’s at six exactly, which is in an hour or so, and it’ll take you thirty minutes by train so you best get going.”

“I take it I’m not allowed to be late?”

“If anything be as early as you can.”

Kaneki sighed. “I won’t punch him this time.”

“Or round-house kick.”

“Or round-house kick,” he echoed. His expression softened. “I promise I’ll find Yoriko, even if it means sitting through dinner with Tsukiyama.”

She smiled and nudged his shoulder. “Get going.”

* * *

Hide thought he had arrived to work on time, but he found Seidou staked out at the back entrance Hide usually used. Seidou was tapping his foot and glancing repeatedly at his watch as Hide approached.

“You’re a minute and fifteen seconds late, you owe me a noodle lunch.”

“C’mon, Seidou! The train was crowded!” Hide tried to reason.

“Nope, a deals a deal, now get inside before we’re both yelled at by her highness.”

Hide hurried into the building, Seidou close behind.

“What do you have for me today?” Hide asked as they hurried towards the elevator.

“Deliveries to the sales management floor as well as some pickups from the downtown post office. We have six manuscripts arriving by one o’clock and they’ll need to be edited and then faxed, the faxing being your job,” Seidou listed off. “That being said, you should be out of here by six or so.”

“Aw man, Seidou, when am I supposed to eat with all this work?”

“On the way to the post office, obviously.”

The elevator dinged on the ninth floor and the doors slid apart to reveal the boss standing there, arms crossed, expression sour. The two men jumped and gulped.

“You’re three minutes and forty-two seconds late,” Akira Mado said sternly, sea-green eyes reflecting her thoughts of various torture techniques. “And because of that I am now four minutes and ten second behind on editing, meaning I can’t leave until seven-oh-three. So you better get moving before the clocks ticks any further.”

“Yes ma’am!” Seidou and Hide replied in fearful unison. Without further comment, deadpan, Akira turned and walked back to her section of the office.

“Could’ve been worse,” Hide said as Seidou smacked him across the back of the head.

Hide’s workday panned out exactly as Seidou had said. After running back and forth between the sales management and editing department floors at least twelve times -- having to take the stairs three times when the elevator was too crowded -- he unlocked his company bike and pedaled as quickly as he could to the post office practically on the other side of the city. On his way back, manuscripts stored safely in a backpack, he stopped for a quick sandwich to quell his growling stomach before continuing.

When he got back, it was three in the afternoon and the editing department was reaching it’s peak of activity. Seidou and the others were running back and forth and answering endless calls; even Akira looked frazzled as she scribbled away on a particularly long manuscript with a dying red pen.

Hide was paid with bringing in the six new manuscripts with groans and sorrowful looks he couldn’t brighten. In the short time before he had to fax anything, he bought some green tea for himself and Akira simply because she looked like she needed it.

Around four o’clock Hide received three manuscripts at once and his sore legs from running around all day begged him to stay sitting. Nevertheless, Hide found the energy and started the faxing.

An hour or so later, Seidou stumbled into the fax office looking beat. “I wish they let us bring whiskey here,” he complained, dropping down into a chair. “Maybe I should buy one of those five-hour-energy bottles...”

“Oh come on, Seidou,” Hide chided brightly, “look at how much work you’ve done today! You should be dancing!”

“If I ever have the energy to dance again...” Seidou sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“You’ll be dancing at your wedding and you know it,” Hide argued, starting on the next manuscript.

“Like I have time to even be in a basic relationship,” the other man groaned.

“What about Akira?”

“What about her?”

“Have you thought about dating her?”

“Why would I want to date her?!”

Hide shrugged. “‘Cause it’d be cute? I don’t really have a reason.”

Seidou sighed again. “As I said, I don’t have the time. But speaking of relationships, how’d it’d go with your emotional trouble?”

“Let’s just pretend it never happened.”

Hide’s voice must have given away more than he meant, because Seidou perked up.

“Oh? And why’s that?”

“They’re a... busy person. Like you, they didn’t have time for relationships; not like I liked them like that anyway.” Hide recalled Kaneki’s wise, silver eyes and soft, angel-like smile -- physical attributes that were so much more than appearance; his eyes had seen many things and his smile gave away his wanting to forget those things.

“Hey! Hide!”

Hide snapped out of his thoughts. “Sorry, was thinking.”

“Watch the fax machine!”

“What? Oh shit!” Hide exclaimed, realizing he had knocked the printer’s arm back into it’s hiding spot and someone was printing something, thus their papers slipping onto the floor. Seidou helped Hide clean up the mess before returning to work, and Hide pushed his thoughts of Kaneki out of his head as he finished faxing the edited manuscripts.

As Seidou had said, Hide finished exactly around six o’clock. His stomach was crying at him again and his legs felt more beat up than usual. Every Monday was like this; editors _always_ made Monday the last-minute deadline, thus there was always an overflow of manuscripts and emails and phonecalls.

Hide still didn’t know how the editing company worked, exactly, but shadowing Akira and being an errand boy was helping him better grasp the experience.

As he stepped out into the cool evening, he thought about skipping his night classes, but quickly decided against it. He ignored the stiffness in his knees as he walked towards the train station. Mentally, he checked off the items in his bag: water bottle, homework, binder, textbook, pens hopefully...

“Ah, geez, this is exhausting,” he complained to himself. At least he had missed rush hour, so he wouldn’t have to deal with people needlessly jostling him on the train.

He got through the ticket machine without trouble and gratefully took a seat on one of the waiting benches, his feet breathing in relief. No one else was in sight save a tired, middle-aged business man snoozing against the plastic advertisement panel.

When the train pulled in, Hide dragged himself aboard and took another seat in the empty cart. Seconds before the doors closed, the man from before scrambled aboard.

Hide chuckled as the train started moving. “That was close,” he commented as the man took a seat across from him.

The man heaved a sigh. “It’s been a long day.”

Hide nodded in agreement and, seeing as the man appeared to only want to sleep, dropped the conversation. He looked out the window and enjoyed watching the old buildings fly by in silver streaks, the pattern broken by the occasional tree or neon sign.

Hide must have dozed off, because he jolted at the sound of, “University Street, doors opening,” resonating from the speakers. Stretching and grabbing his bag, Hide stepped off the train, checking the time as he did. It was only six-forty-five, he still had half an hour to kill before his first class.

“Maybe I should find something to eat,” he mused aloud as he started walking down the quiet streets. This was a classier part of the city, the clean streets lined with fancy restaurants and posh hotels, the prestigious university sprouting up at the end.

Hide wondered if Kaneki was home as this hour, or if anyone else was. He knew Akira and Seidou were still working for at least a little while longer, and he realized he had never treated Seidou to lunch.

_Guess that’ll happen tomorrow._

He next wondered about the man on the train. The poor fellow looked beat up from working all day, Hide hoped he got home soon and went to sleep.

The thought of the man from the train made Hide slow his pace and frown in confusion. For some reason he couldn’t recall the man’s face, and usually he was quite good with remembering what people looked like.

Hide’s neck prickled and he began turning too late. An arm wrapped around his shoulders and a foul smelling cloth was shoved into his face. Surprised, he gasped, inhaling the putrid scent.

 _Halothane vapour, methyl -_ Hide thought quickly before the world fell dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah, I've been on a huge writing spree -- but from now on you SHOULD NOT expect chapters every 1-2 days... probably more like 2-4 days? I'm not entirely sure myself, I'm updating it here as I write it. anyway, I understand this is the second worst chapter I could leave you hanging on, but as the author that's a good thing... (kinda) (believe me, the next chapter is a lot worse) (but hey! Tsukiyama will be there!).


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hello darkness my old friend~" ugh this chapter hurt me to write but look BATMAN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah, editorial comments and pointing out grammar issues etc would be fantastic. though comments in general are just super awesome :)
> 
> edit: 8/6/15: there were typos and I am ASHAMED. they should be fixed now.

Kaneki had never liked posh and fancy restaurants -- as he found them highly pretentious -- even though he had never stepped foot in one... That is, before he met Tsukiyama.

The first time the two met, Kaneki had been buying supplies for a particularly nasty kill he was planning. The hardware store was downtown and it was nearly midnight, so when Kaneki ran into the flamboyant man dressed in a gaudy, green suit, he had known it hadn’t been by chance.

**“Ah, what a coincidence, meeting you at this hour, Kaneki Ken.”**

**“It hardly seems like a coincidence at all. Who’re you?”**

**“Me?”** He had bowed, as if greeting a King. **“I am Tsukiyama Shuu, an admirer of yours.”**

**“‘Admirer’?”**

**“Yes, your art is very... _merveilleux_.”**

Though the encounter had been brief, it had been the first time a random meeting hadn’t made Kaneki want to brutally murder the person, and that was simply because Tsukiyama had left an impression Kaneki hadn’t felt in a while:

 _Intelligence_.

That didn’t mean that others around Kaneki weren’t intelligent. Despite her hotheadedness, Touka adapted well to fights where she had a disadvantage; despite his bitter demeanor, there was nothing Nishio couldn’t work with to make a grenade; even Uta, with all his creepy and slightly perverted hobbies, was unrivaled when it came to simply _creating_.

Still, when Kaneki had first met these people, each had given him an impression of inexperience and idealism -- he didn’t like that they had goals of _helping_ people and working together.

Tsukiyama, on the other hand, gave neither of those impressions. He had appeared extremely experienced when it came to illegal activities and bypassing the law, and his idealism came off more as opportunism.

However, Tsukiyama’s personality left something to be desired in the conversation department. While Kaneki had initially liked him, it soon became apparent that Tsukiyama was overflowing with ulterior motives.

On their second meeting, Tsukiyama had said, **“Kaneki, would you marry me?”**

**“...What.”**

From there, Tsukiyama’s attempts at winning Kaneki’s favor became more and more exuberant, and more and more Kaneki did his best to avoid the other man.

Thus, he was less than happy when Yoshimura called on Tsukiyama’s help and sent Kaneki to bargain for and or receive it.

The Epicurean Guild was a two-story restaurant close to the city’s university. As Kaneki walked down the sidewalk among other, well-dressed people heading to dinner, consciously feeling very out of place, he wondered what time Hide started school and what he even did for work.

_Stop it, you’re never gonna see him again, it doesn’t matter._

Tsukiyama was waiting for Kaneki outside, looking like the love child of a human and an eggplant: his suit was a rich purple that complimented his dark hair and the bright blue tie looked like a piece of afternoon sky. Everyone was staring at him as he smiled and waved Kaneki over.

Which Kaneki hated because now they were staring at him too.

“Ah, Kaneki!” Tsukiyama exclaimed, taking Kaneki’s hand in both his own. “I’m am positively delighted that you could meet with me, we have so much to discuss!”

“Yeah, we do,” Kaneki replied stiffly, pulling his hand from Tsukiyama’s overly touchy-feely grasp. “Yoshimura told me about it.”

Tsukiyama ignored the doorman and held the door open himself for Kaneki to enter. “Indeed, indeed. I have already prepared the reservation. Shall we then?”

Kaneki entered awkwardly, not entirely sure how to act in this kind of position. The restaurant was a delicious smell of flowers and high-class food. The first floor was brightly lit, scattered with a series of round, white-clothed tables decorated with different bouquets of flowers. All the plates were white and blue porcelain, the utensils probably all pure silver. The carpet was plush navy with an argyle pattern. Small, crystal chandeliers looked like raining diamonds and the ceiling depicted legends from Greek mythology in gold leaf. The low murmur of indiscernible conversation hung in the air like a swarm of mosquitos.

Tsukiyama took the lead when a waiter approached them, asking for their reservation. The two were led towards a table near a window overlooking a lush and exuberant courtyard.

The table was big enough for exactly two, whereas others appeared to be able to seat six or even eight. Decorating its center was a small vase of white roses. As Kaneki took his seat he found himself staring at them, their color, for some reason, bothering him.

After the waiter had poured wine, the name of which Kaneki could barely pronounce in his head, Tsukiyama surprisingly went straight to business.

“I was contacted by Yoshimura yesterday,” he began, “and debriefed of the situation. I’m amazed you’re taking such a personal stand in all of this.”

Kaneki took a sip of the red and bitter tasting wine to stall for a moment, gathering his thoughts so as to make sure he didn’t say anything stupid. “The perpetrator happens to pique my interest in addition to meeting...” He paused. “My requirements.”

“Ah, that does make sense, doesn’t it,” Tsukiyama replied, a smile pulling at his lips. “As it happens, this _perpetrator_ happens to pique my interests as well, albeit for slightly more intimate reasons.” He ran his finger absentmindedly around the rim of his wine glass. “You see, Chie has gone missing.”

Kaneki’s breath caught. Chie Hori, a short girl, five years his senior, was a chipper photographer who was always the life of the group. How she had gotten involved with Tsukiyama remained a mystery and Kaneki had no idea why she still hung around the sociopathic man.

“And the way things are going, Yoriko will not be the last.”

“Are the police doing anything about this?” Kaneki asked.

Tsukiyama leaned forward, his expression like that of a teasing lover. Kaneki feared he would regret asking the question -- but that was why he was here, wasn’t it?

“I’ve heard some things,” Tsukiyama started softly. “They’ve been tracking this kidnapper for over three years. There was a two year gap between when the first kidnappings happened and now. But you wouldn’t remember that, you came to this city after that whole ordeal had ended.”

Kaneki took another sip of wine, waiting for the other to continue.

“Only one victim came back from the first time, a girl named Sen Takatsuki. Whatever she went through, they admitted her to a psych ward a month following, during which they tried to question her about what happened -- she couldn’t provide any information, though.”

“Sen Takatsuki...” Kaneki repeated on his breath. “As in Sen Takatsuki the horror novelist?”

Tsukiyama sat back. “The same. After being discharged she became the popular writer we know today.”

“I’m a fan of her work.”

“As I would expect you to be.” Tsukiyama quieted as the waiter came back over, asking for their order, and Kaneki realized he hadn’t even glanced at the menu. Thankfully, Tsukiyama ordered for the both of them; Foie Gras for Kaneki and Wagyu Beef for himself.

Once the waiter had bowed and left, Kaneki said, “So basically... the police have no leads.”

“Not necessarily. They didn’t get zero information from Takatsuki. They found her in an old warehouse by the north docks, wrapped in only a dirty sheet. Most of her hair had been cut off and she sported multiple wounds, most of which had not been from a simple beating.”

Kaneki frowned. “How did you find this out? I never heard about this in the media.” _Not that I pay much attention to the media anyway_ , he added silently.

“Connections,” Tsukiyama replied simply. “There’s a reason many come to me for information, and those same reasons apply to why you’re here now.”

Kaneki sighed. “So what leads _do_ the police have that you know of?”

“The kidnapper tortures his victims. The victims the police never found were declared dead. They suspect that after Takatsuki escaped, the kidnapper feared she would tattle, so he cleaned up wherever his workplace had been and laid low. Now, perhaps, he believes he can continue where he left off.”

“You’re saying he does it... for fun?”

“Why do you look so confused? Don’t _you_ do it for fun?”

Kaneki wrinkled his nose, remaining silent as he didn’t have an argument.

Tsukiyama chuckled. “I know you so well, Kaneki, as do the members of Anteiku. You’re no longer the Nameless Joker of Cards.”

Kaneki glared at the mention of his old media name, having never really liked it.

“Well, you know I always have to have the last laugh,” he replied tartly. “But that’s not really the point here. Right now, it’s this kidnapper laughing and I will turn hell upside down to end him.”

“Hm, a curious ambition,” Tsukiyama mused as if to himself as two waitresses walked over carrying silver trays, each holding a different dish. A white plate holding something that looked like can-shaped cat food next to a pathetic pile of scallops and spinach was set in front of Kaneki, while a plate holding two slices of bloody beef next to artfully decorated line of yellow toothpaste and cherry tomatoes was set in front of Tsukiyama.

Kaneki wondered grimly why they couldn’t have just gone to McDonalds or something.

Once the waitresses had left, Kaneki hissed, “How the fuck am I supposed to eat this?”

“Follow my lead, Kaneki,” Tsukiyama replied brightly, though the glint in his eyes suggested the statement could mean something else. Kaneki tried not to gag as he gracelessly nibbled away at the unfamiliar food.

“Is there any other info you can give me?” Kaneki asked after deciding that whatever Foie Gras was it was pretty disgusting.

Tsukiyama daintily dabbed at his mouth with the blue napkin that Kaneki thought didn’t work at cleaning up messes for shit.

“There is one more thing. Six have gone missing in the past three months, yes? Well, in the first month, only one was kidnapped; the second month, there were two; the third month, three. Are you following?”

Kaneki lowered his fork slowly, fearing where this was going.

Tsukiyama held his hand, all his fingers out save his thumb tucked against his palm. “We are now in the fourth month. If this pattern continues, four more will go missing.”

His appetite was completely lost now. “And this will continue?”

“Until the kidnapper is caught.”

 _Yoriko... Touka is going to flip shit when she hears this_ , Kaneki thought. _And if the kidnapper is mainly going after girls in this area... that’s roughly three-hundred-thousand in this district alone... Chances of Kimi, Hinami, Ryouko, Touka, Irimi, or Itori getting kidnapped are slim._ He paused.

_But he’s going after boys too, so none of us are safe, none who can’t fight anyway._

“Tsukiyama,” Kaneki started, and the other man perked right up at the sound of his name, “I need you to do something.”

Tsukiyama’s expression was something one might expect to see on a kid licking his first lollipop. “Anything for you, dear Kaneki.”

“Find out exactly what the police are doing about this. Are there any undercover plants in random places acting as bait? Have they contacted anyone outside the city for support? Are any of the victim’s families sponsoring the investigation? I, no, Anteiku needs to know so we stay out of their way and don’t get caught ourselves.”

“I’ll complete this request to the best of my ability,” Tsukiyama said formally, placing a hand over his heart and bowing his head. “And since it is you asking, you may receive my services free of charge.”

“Great.” Kaneki stood and turned away. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find some real food.”

* * *

He first returned to Anteiku to get rid of the suit. The cafe had opened to business again, and as usual, it’s seven to eight o’clock rush was in full swing. Touka, Irimi, and even Nishio were scurrying around taking and delivering orders while Yoshimura and Koma tended the counter. Kaneki easily snuck along the wall and up the stairs. Once out of the suit he exited as quickly as possible.

His next stop was his apartment. His only change of clothes out of the suit were the ones he had borrowed from Hide, and he felt it necessary to wash and return them. He felt happy at the idea of seeing the blond -- someone who was like sunshine incarnate -- again.

As he made his way downtown towards the red light district, he passed an electronics shop with some TVs displayed in the window, each brand playing the same, local news channel. The image behind the news anchor made Kaneki pause.

It was a censored picture of the man he had exploded two nights ago.

_“ - remains a mystery. Blood samples reveal there was a second man who had also been wounded. Whether or not this man was the perpetrator or not is still unconfirmed. Police Chief Kureo Mado tells us that it is likely two men were involved in the murder; one who committed the crime and was harmed, and the other who helped him get away. Right now, the police say this was the work of the infamous serial killer, the Nameless Joker of Cards.”_

The picture changed. Now it was an image of the street where Kaneki had just had dinner.

_“In other news, the seventh kidnapping in the past three months occurred just tonight. This time, it was a college sophomore - ”_

Kaneki turned away and started walking again. _I’ll just hear it from Irimi, no need to listen to the news_ , he thought, shoving his hands in his pockets.

 _Hide’s pockets_ , he mentally corrected.

Due to his lax pace, Kaneki didn’t arrive home until around eight-thirty, though that didn’t really matter to him. Already, the red light district was showing activity that would no doubt increase exponentially over the next couple hours.

Kaneki’s apartment was on the fourth story of the complex, facing a thrift shop and a barely running Italian fast-food place. Kaneki happened to be the two store’s main customer, as he was always in need of something quick to eat at odd hours and fresh, cheap clothes.

He inserted his key into the door numbed 47, its gray paint flaking as he swung it open. Inside smelled like old laundry and hairspray. The curtains were still shut, so it was absolutely dark as the door slammed shut behind him. Kaneki cautiously stepped forward to fumble for the light switch, flicking it on when he found it.

His apartment was a short hallway, small kitchen, squashed living and dining room, a tiny bedroom, and an even tinier bathroom. Yet it was bigger than Hide’s.

For a brief moment, Kaneki felt like a stranger in somebody else’s home. The clothes scattered across the floor weren’t his, the sink filled with dirty dishes were not dishes he had eaten food from, and the messy bed that hadn’t been properly made in over a year was something he had never slept in.

 _What am I thinking_ , he chided himself as he picked his way over to one of the dining chairs, on which lay clothes that had only been worn two times rather than five. Right there, he carefully stripped out of Hide’s clothes, folded them, cleared a space for them on the table, and climbed into his own black jeans and dark blue t-shirt.

He looked around his trashed apartment once more before carefully scooping up Hide’s clothes like a newborn child and heading out barefoot.

The nearest laundromat was two blocks away, and Kaneki was thankful he had a handful of quarters in his pockets. If he put in the effort, he could probably scrounge up around a hundred and fifty dollars just from loose change in clothing pockets.

Kaneki was not only the only person under twenty at the laundromat, but also the only guy. Thus, for the forty-five minutes he waited for Hide’s clothes to finish washing, he was stuck in a conversation between two middle-aged, graying women about crocheting and the best apple-muffin recipes.

When the laundry was done, Kaneki grabbed it and bolted out of there, eager to be away from the annoying people who didn’t meet his “I can kill this person” requirements.

After a block, he paused to neatly fold the clothes before continuing on his way. By now it was nine-twenty and Kaneki’s stomach was starting to grumble quite audibly and he remembered how he hadn’t eaten anything yet.

Relenting with a sigh, he sought out the nearest fast-food place, hoping he would find a McDonalds and get something off the dollar menu.

An hour later he was highly considering abandoning his moral values and murdering every cashier within a thirty-mile radius.

All he wanted was one fucking hamburger.

Apparently that was too much to ask at ten-thirty at night.

Kaneki ended up walking a good two miles out of his way in his quest of food, and by quarter of eleven he finally found a Chinese place that was virtually empty.

He staggered to the counter and ordered the first thing that tumbled from his mouth.

“Chicken fried rice, please.”

The man nodded and placed the order faster than anything Kaneki had ever witnessed. When all Kaneki could do was dig up $2.25 in quarters, the meal being $3.50, the man kindly took the shorthand cash and gave Kaneki the meal anyway.

With that, Kaneki amended his previous thoughts of mass murder and happily went on his way.

After consuming the chicken fried rice at such a speed he nearly choked, he tossed the oyster pail and plastic fork in the nearest trashcan, wiped his hands on his shirt to somewhat clean them before neatening Hide’s clothes, and was on his way again.

Hide’s apartment was a quaint, two-story place near, what seemed like, all the flower shops and small-business clothing stores. The street seemed quieter than the rest of the city and a nice smell hovered in the air.

_Wait, is he even home at this hour?_

Kaneki’s feet kept moving despite the halt in his mind.

_Maybe he comes home between work and classes?_

_When does he have work?_

_When does he have classes?_

_Shit._

Kaneki stopped in front of the door with a silver 23 next to it. The feeble light from street lamps made it difficult to make out much detail. Taking a calming breath -- wait, why was he nervous? -- he knocked on the door and waited.

After a couple minutes of nothing he knocked again.

_Maybe he’s not home? I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised that he’s not, but..._

_I’ll try one more time._

As he raised his fist, the door to his left cracked open, warm light spilling forth. A huge man leaned out, a man so big Kaneki took a nervous step back as he thought about the various ways the man could break Kaneki’s skull between his hands.

“You looking for Nagachika?” the man inquired, voice surprisingly kind.

Kaneki’s mind drew a blank for a second before he stuttered, “Y-yeah.”

“Haven’t you heard?” the man asked, suddenly sounding quite concerned. He stepped out more and Kaneki got a better look at him: a shaved head, small beard on his well-defined chin, and a distinctly muscled upper body.

Kaneki’s stomach was starting to sink. He had guessed something would happen to Hide for being seen with Kaneki, just not so soon.

“The kidnapping, about four or so hours ago...”

The man lay a hand on Kaneki’s shoulder, the touch strangely welcoming and Kaneki forgot his initial instinct to lean away. Then again, he was so focused on the man’s words someone could have stabbed him and he wouldn’t have noticed.

“It was Nagachika.”

* * *

A broad-shouldered man stood on top of one of the many skyscrapers in the city. It was just past midnight and the stars were blotted out by the skyglow; though that didn’t make the scene any less beautiful, the lights of the city were spread like a calm sea.

“I expected I would find you here, Dark Knight,” a woman’s voice said from behind the man. He turned slowly, his eyes and nose covered by a black mask; the rest of his attire was also black, a suit that at first looked like formal wear gave him easy movement and his shoes were laced boots built for long times of use.

The one who had spoken was dressed similarly, though her clothes additionally outlined her voluptuous figure. She wore a tight fitting one-piece that covered from her legs to her arms, on her feet were tall boots sporting a deadly heel. Like the man, her eyes and nose were covered by a mask.

To each, the other was nothing but a silhouette against the bright city.

“And I expected I would meet you here, my Lady Sable,” the man replied gruffly.

“I haven’t seen you out in a long while. Have you finally given up your chase of the Nameless Joker?” she inquired, stepping closer.

The man turned around, mouth twisted in a sour frown. “Surprisingly that has become the least of my worries. Now I focus on the man behind these kidnappings. If it the same as from three years ago...”

“There’s no doubt about it,” the woman affirmed. “So the police have contacted you?”

“They have. They can’t do this on their own.”

“Naturally. This city has a knack for criminal activity, don’t you think?”

The Dark Knight had no comment to that.

Lady Sable sighed. “I’m here because I want to help you.”

“It’s not often you offer your services so voluntarily.”

“Did you mean that in a sexual way?” She laughed before becoming serious again. “The most recent kidnapping was an associate of mine. Whatever happens to those victim,he doesn’t deserve it. I want the man responsible found and punished as soon as possible.”

“Then I am grateful for you aid.”

“And if you weren’t it’d be a terrible tragedy for them to find out who you really are,” she teased, turning to leave. “Don’t take advantage of the opportunity I’m giving you. That being said, don’t tell the police or I’ll be the next one on your hunting list and you’ll be the next one on mine, _Amon Koutarou_.”

* * *

Hide was first aware of the cold.

There was also breeze, as if a window was open or a vent was circulating air. He shivered uncontrollably and he wondered why his clothes weren’t dulling the chill, or if he was wearing anything at all.

He was next aware of the pressure across his eyes and around his head: a blindfold.

Thirdly he was aware of the chair his arms and legs were strapped to, the metal cuffs biting his skin.

He had no idea where he was, how he got there, or what time it was.

A door opened from his left and he tried turning his head, but it felt too heavy, similar to the feeling when you’re half asleep and every part of your body feels like lead.

“I see you’re awake, Nagachika,” a deep, masculine voice said as heavy footsteps drew closer. “I didn’t expect the drug to be nearly so effective, you’ve been out for nearly five hours; most others are only out for two.”

Hide swallowed, his lips dry. “Are you that kidnapper?”

The man laughed, a laugh that made Hide cringe. “Very astute of you.” There were some rustling papers. “I see you’re a sophomore med student at the university, you must be quite smart, then. Have you ever done a real surgery?”

Hide forced a smile. He had to stay light-hearted in these kinds of situations, right? “Well, I’ve done a knee-transplant on a cow, does that count?”

The man chuckled again. “I like you, Nagachika, I almost feel bad about your future.”

“My - ?”

His words were interrupted by something foul smelling brought under his nose. By the touch of the cold rim of the container on his upper lip he suspected it was a beaker or a glass mug. The smell was so awful his gag reflex triggered and he coughed, nausea exploding in his stomach and rising up his throat.

“That’s your dinner tonight, lout,” the man sneered, dragging the container to Hide’s lips and turning it upward. A warm liquid spilled over Hide’s lips, a couple chunks of _something_ running into his skin and falling against his legs. A little slid into Hide’s mouth and the scent paled in comparison to the taste.

Hide had eaten rotten yogurt before on a dare, but this was much worse as whatever _it_ was, was warm and chunky. Hide retched until all he could taste was bile.

The man laughed again. “That’s enough for tonight. Sweet dreams, Nagachika.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what I said about chapters every 2-4 days? okay, I lied, NOW there will be chapters 2-4 days. (also haha I'm a terrible person for enjoying writing this chapter but it did also hurt me so we're all in this together you nerds)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mostly a transition chapter and some funny shit and the antagonist gets a name  
> edit: fuck, the antagonist doesn't get a name, all the chapters are blurring together sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long to get out, my editor was away for the weekend D: also idk what your headcanons are for Ayato, but he does cross-dress here and doesn't really like it, so please don't get offended by that... Also there were typos in the last chapter and I AM ASHAMED but they're fixed now :) also thank you for comments you beautiful souls ily you make my day!!!!!!

Kaneki was running, something he didn’t often do.

He had left Hide’s clothes with the man from next door, whose name was Yukinori Shinohara, before bolting down the stairs and across the street.

At first he didn’t know where he was going, the energy that had exploded in his chest simply told him to _run_. There was no ‘flight or fight’ mode pulsing through his blood, only the desperate need to -

_To what?_

After a couple minutes he came to a street he recognized as one way to get to Anteiku. Without hesitating, he turned that way, thinking that if there was anyone he could talk to it would be them.

Then again, it was nearly eleven at night, would anyone still be there?

The city grew quieter as he neared the business district. Most places had closed up, though a couple restaurants were still open. It was mostly the red light district and surrounding area that were alive at this hour.

Kaneki breathed a sigh of relief when he saw a shallow light spilling from Anteiku’s windows. He picked up the pace, covering the remaining meters in a matter of seconds. His hand slammed against the handle and he wrenched the door open, breath coming in erratic gasps.

Only Irimi and Koma were there, still dressed in their work uniforms, bent over papers and the tablet at the bar.

“Kaneki?” Irmi asked, standing at his entrance. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be home?”

Koma smirked. “You said ‘no’ when Tsukiyama asked you to dance, right?”

Kaneki staggered forward, trying to get his breath back as soon as possible so he could speak.

“The - ” he managed to start. “Kid... napper...”

“Yeah, struck again,” Koma said, tapping a pen against his chin.

Kaneki shook his head as he fell into one of chairs. “No... I mean... The boy...”

“The boy...?” Irimi repeated, frowning in confusion.

Koma snapped his fingers. “Oh! You mean the boy who was kidnapped? Hideyoshi Nagachika?”

Kaneki’s breath caught and he started coughing hoarsely, his hand gripping his shirt over his chest. Koma got a glass of water as Irimi tried to calm him down, but her words fell on deaf ears.

 _He’s gone_ , Kaneki thought despairingly. _He was with me for one day and now he’s missing._

_At least he wasn’t kidnapped because of me._

_It’s just coincidence..._

_Right?_

i... n... c... o... r... r... e... c... t...

The world grew quiet. It was happening again.

y... o... u... r... ... f... a... u... l... t...

“No no no, get out,” Kaneki whispered into his hands.

“What?” Irimi asked, trying to put the glass in his hands.

He leapt to his feet and bounded out the door, ignoring Irimi’s startled, “Kaneki?!” behind him. He didn’t know where he was running, all he knew was that he had to outrun those voices that whispered guilt and remorse. Anteiku had been too quiet and his mind had been spinning too fast, thus they had surfaced.

Why was Hide’s kidnapping bothering him so much? He had barely known the cheery blond boy for more than a day.

_It’s because he didn’t see you as a monster._

A second later Kaneki knew what he had to do. He started looking for the nearest payphone as he groped his pockets, searching for even one quarter. As the fluorescent illuminated booth came into view his fingers touched cold metal in the depths of his back pocket. Before he had even fully stopped, he had shoved the quarter into the payphone and started dialing the number.

The phone rang for a minute before Touka’s voice answered. “If this is a solicitor go away.”

“It’s Kaneki,” he replied, trying to calm his ragged breathing. “I need a favor.”

“That’s not something I hear often.”

“Get the Nexus.”

She snorted. “I don’t know what you need the Nexus for, but it’s not a good idea.”

“You don’t understand, I’m going to visit _him_.”

Touka was silent for a long moment before reluctantly saying, “Fine.”

“Great. Tell him to pick a position out of sight -- the meeting will be in front of the Town Hall at 1am. And... if Claymore could make it, that’d be good too.”

“I’ll do my best. But you, don’t you do anything stupid,” she chided.

Kaneki smirked. “Alright.”

* * *

He descended from the belfry to the street like a shadow... At least, that’s what it would have been like to most people. However, the Nameless Joker of Cards seemed to always be aware of exactly where the Dark Knight came from even on moonless nights.

The young villain leaned against a lamppost, the yellow light reflecting off his white hair like tarnished gold, darkening his wicked, green grin, casting hooded shadows over his eyes so all that showed was a spark of mercury-silver.

“Glad you could make it, _Dark Knight_ ,” the boy sneered, straightening to greet the other.

Amon glared. “I’m not here for your pranks, what do you want?”

The Nameless Joker splayed out his hands. “Come on, don’t you ever have a little fun?” He snapped and suddenly there was a card between each finger. “Why not a friendly game of Kapaga?”

Amon’s hand went to rest on one of his throwing knives. “How about you tell me whether or not you killed that man last Saturday? And include the ‘why’.”

The Nameless Joker sighed, flicking the cards back out of view. “Fine fine, I can see you’re simply _dying_ of curiosity to know what I have to say.” He started walking in a circle, folding his fingers in various patterns. “You see, the man I so gloriously killed two nights ago was a suspect of these kidnappings. Unfortunately, he was the wrong one.” He paused and tilted his head back, looking up at the dark sky. “I want to kill the one behind these kidnappings.”

“Since when did you take such a righteous stand in all this?”

“ _Why_ does _everyone_ keep _saying that_ ,” he exploded, clenching his fist. There was a glint of silver as something flicked out from his sleeve, and then Amon suddenly felt the Nameless Joker’s breath on the back of his neck, but he didn’t move. He had the advantage here, he was the Dark Knight, a hero of justice in the shadows, he had nothing to fear.

“You have five seconds to tell me what you know,” the other hissed.

“The night is my domain,” Amon growled, unwilling to admit to being slightly shaken.

The other laughed. “You may have adapted to the dark, but I was born there.” Something cold and sharp pressed against Amon’s throat -- the knife. “Info. Now. Since we have common interests I’ll stay out of your hair until this case is solved -- how’s that for a compromise?”

Amon was quiet for a moment before reluctantly starting, “Most of the kidnappings have been happening around the five-star district; students on their way home from school or to night classes, women coming out of bars drunk, those sorts of people -- people who are alone. The police say that the Shanghaier must have his base around there.”

The blade’s touch vanished. “So you’re working for the police now?”

“They need my help.”

He chuckled. “I still want to paint with your blood.”

“And I still want to see you behind bars.”

This drew a long, gasping laugh from the Nameless Joker. “Oh my Dark Knight, you are so naive. Do you also want this _Shanghaier_ behind _bars_? No no no, we can’t have _that_. I want to see his entrails used for decoration, strung up with tacks and staples. I want to dry his eyeballs and use them for earrings, I want his teeth for a necklace and his toes pureed with his nerves and served to his family. I want to see his hair braided into strings so his body can become a ventriloquist’s dummy. I want his genitals dismembered and sent to the families he’s harmed.”

Amon’s eyes strained to trace the other’s dancing movements.

The Nameless Joker stopped, his laughter quieting as it grew more maniacal. His shoulders trembled with mirth as he whispered, “I want his heart on a platter served with a paintbrush and I want his skin stretched across an easel so I can create the next great Monet.”

He tipped his head backwards so his dark eyes could grin at Amon. “So no, this man will not end up behind _bars_ \-- the only bars he’ll ever see are the ones I impale him with.”

* * *

When Kaneki got home, he didn't bother washing off the make up, he immediately fell into bed and was out like a light.

When he awoke, the late morning sun was spilling through the window and he realized he smelled awful. He rolled out of bed and stumbled towards the shower, not waiting for the hot water and stepping right in. The makeup stung his eyes, but it felt good to wash it away.

He remembered reality when the water-soaked ace bandage unwrapped itself and suddenly the scar on his abdomen was burning.

_Ouch._

He looked down to observe the huge scar, something that looked like a deformed worm latched onto his skin. The edges of the scar were irritated and the center was cold with pain. Its color was blotchy pink and white, like some kind of child’s finger painting.

_I wish Hide was here to fix this._

The thought came unwarranted and the strings of fear and guilt were plucked harshly in his chest. Kaneki’s fingers curled over his heart and he cursed the events of the past three nights.

Someone knocked harshly on Kaneki’s door. Not wasting a moment, he turned off the water, pulled on a random pair of jeans, grabbed a butter knife, and cautiously approached the front of the apartment.

“Open the _damn_ door you worthless bastard!”

Kaneki sighed, dropped the knife, and pulled open the door, revealing a glaring, dark haired demon-incarnate.

“Jesus Christ you sleep forever,” the younger boy cursed, shoving his way inside. “You called me out at some ungodly hour and then you sleep until noon? Just who the fuck do you think you are?”

“Nice to see you too, Ayato,” Kaneki said evenly, too tired to put up with the other’s sassy bullshit.

“Nice my ass, are you gonna explain what your part is in this mess or am I gonna have to do it for you?”

Kaneki sighed. “What do you want in return for helping?”

“Good question! You should have wondered that before you had my sister call me at midnight.” He ran a stressed hand through his hair. “Is this about the kidnapper?”

“How astute of you,” Kaneki replied, albeit a little bitterly. “Yes, it is, and I'm gonna need your help again and I'll pay you whatever you want.”

“Fucking fantastic.”

“You and Touka are gonna act as bait.”

“Oh _hell_ no!”

* * *

“Ayato hold _still_.”

“This is _bullshit_! Bull. Shit.”

“Why are you acting like you’re gonna get raped or something?”

“That is literally what you’re setting me up for.”

“Then kick the bastard in the nuts!”

“How am I supposed to move in _this_?” Ayato shoved himself away from Touka and bunched the flowered skirt in his fists. “This is the ugliest thing I've ever worn. I like black. _Black_! And what the hell are these?!” He awkwardly fumbled with his makeshift breasts, which were paper towels stuffed in a B-cup bra. “How do girls even _function_ with these inhuman contraptions?”

“Fuck you, Ayato, I will poke your eye out with my eyeliner.”

“I would consider that mercy at this point. Do I have to wear the _thong_?”

“Do you want to be a girl or not?”

“Not really!”

“Okay, Ayato, we’re gonna try something okay? It’s called the vacuum adjustment. What you need to do is _suck it up_ ,” Touka snapped, jabbing a bobby pin into her brother’s scalp, earning a yelp of pain.

“God _dammit_ , Touka!”

“You guys done yet?” Nishio asked, poking his head into the bathroom. The siblings turned in unison to face him and watched in slight wonder as Nishio’s face went from deadpan to contorted with laughter in two seconds flat.

“Fuck you, Nishio,” Ayato snapped.

“If you’re gonna laugh you may as well help,” Touka sighed. “Hold the shirt while I pin it up. Do you think he looks like a girl yet?”

“Well he certainly doesn’t look like a boy,” Nishio replied, holding the shirt as Touka directed while trying not to get bit by Ayato. “What exactly is the plan here?”

“We’re gonna try to lure the kidnapper,” Touka explained through her teeth, several pins pressed between her lips. “We’re gonna go at different times and the other will watch, ready to intervene if something goes wrong.”

“So the great Nexus and Claymore are at it again,” Nishio stated with mock majesty, dancing to the side as Ayato tried to kick the older man’s shins.

“No one said you had to be here,” he growled.

“Hey, I’m here cause I’m on duty.”

“Then get the hell back to your job!”

“No, we need his help,” Touka interrupted.

“I will pin the damn thing up myself!”

“Is everything alright in here?” Koma asked, poking his head around the corner, only to find the three practically at each other’s throats: Touka wielding sewing needles, Ayato trying to strangle Nishio with his blouse, and Nishio vainly trying to fend off both of them.

“Or dear, perhaps I should get the manager,” he mused quietly, but somehow his words were heard over the tumult. Instantly the three froze and gave Koma a long, hard stare before silently detaching themselves and getting back to their respective jobs.

Irimi appeared next to Koma and smiled at the other three. “It’s wonderful to see you guys being so productive, I would’ve expected it to be chaos here.”

Nishio and Touka shared a glare over Ayato’s head before turning away from each other while Ayato just _tch_ -ed and crossed his arms.

“So who’s going out first?” Koma asked, deciding not to enlighten Irimi on what had actually been happening before she came.

“Me,” Touka replied as she grabbed a couple hair extensions. “I’m heading down that street with the college at six-thirty. If nothing happens, Ayato will come out around seven-fifteen. From what Kaneki told us, the police aren’t really stationed in that area -- yet anyway.”

“And where is our intrepid wayfarer?” Nishio asked. “I would’ve thought he’d be in the front row to watch all of this.”

Ayato waved his hand dismissively. “He’s holed up in his apartment doing shit on the computer or something. I don’t know, he kicked me out after he explained this god awful job he’s having us do.”

“I didn’t expect otherwise,” Irimi said quietly, earning a raised eyebrow from Ayato.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

“Well...” She turned hesitant eyes to Koma, who only nodded. “Last night he came here, around the eleven. I think something about the most recent kidnapping really got to him, though I’m not sure what.”

“The fact that the kidnapper struck again or because of who was kidnapped?” Ayato pressed.

Koma stepped forward and leaned against the wall. “As Irimi said, we’re not sure what’s going through that boy’s mind at the moment. You could say he’s crazy enough as it is” -- this earned a muted laugh from Nishio -- “but there was something different about this time. He seemed almost... not there.”

“‘Not there’?” Nishio asked.

“At least not totally there. We’re not sure how to explain it,” Irimi answered.

“We spoke to Yoshimura,” Koma added, “but all he could tell us was that Kaneki just needed some space and our help. After all the help he’s given us, it’s the least we can do.”

“We’re keeping him from getting arrested!” Nishio snapped. “What more does the selfish bastard want?”

The question was met with an awkward silence. The only ones in the room who knew any more details about Kaneki’s actions were Touka and Ayato, but neither could find the voice to speak up and explain. Both had been working with Kaneki since he had come to the city, and after he had joined Anteiku, they had followed -- fully leaving behind their old lives as the Nexus and Claymore to help Yoshimura’s cause.

A majority of the villains in the city were psychopaths, such as Kaneki, but Anteiku was built to be something of a safe haven for ex-villains and vigilantes alike.

“Kaneki’s help is valued right now,” Touka said at last. “If anyone can find this kidnapper it’s him.”

* * *

Ayato had been praying to every god of every religion he could think of that the kidnapper would take Touka’s bait and he could swoop in, save her, and get out of the stupid skirt as soon as possible.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. Touka walked leisurely around the district, purposefully making sure she was alone most of the time, but no one came for her. When seven-fifteen came, Ayato got the dreaded text from his sister saying _“Your turn”_.

“Fuck this,” he hissed under his breath as he ducked out of the cafe he had been sitting in. The only okay part of this mission was that Ayato had to make a point to be alone, thus fewer people saw him dressed like this -- and the more likely he was to get kidnapped, but that was the least of his concerns.

As he wandered down the streets, he let his mind wander to keep him occupied.

He knew this wasn’t the first time the kidnapper had appeared. Irimi and Koma had discovered the kidnappings from two or three years ago were very similar to the ones happening now -- and Tsukiyama’s information only confirmed this. The pattern Tsukiyama had also given was quite helpful.

_We’re definitely gonna catch this douchebag._

Ayato remembered the first time he had met Kaneki quite clearly: Kaneki had just moved to the city and had quickly earned a title among villains and heroes alike. He was some kind of genius who always pulled off plans without a hitch, and Ayato had marveled at that. When he had miraculously befriended the white-haired, green-smiling man, he had been simultaneously creeped out and in awe. And after some persuasion, Ayato got his sister interested.

Kaneki had a way with words that left even the police in dumbfounded silence. The one time he had ever gotten arrested, he escaped as if ending up behind bars had been part of the plan all along.

The only thing Ayato had never liked was that Kaneki didn’t share his plans, not his personal ones at least.

Ayato heard footsteps behind him and he nearly tripped in surprise. He wanted to pull out his phone and text his sister, but would that be suspicious? No, it didn’t matter, Touka was close by and watching, everything would be fine.

To be sure he was being followed and it wasn’t someone who simply happened to be going in the same direction, Ayato veered off down a random, empty street. Sure enough, the footsteps followed.

The street in question was a lane of old houses owned by old people. Hardly anyone from here went out because they believed technology was black magic and Thomas Edison was a witch -- or something like that. Either way, it meant no one would really care if they saw a young girl get kidnapped outside their windows.

The footsteps drew closer and Ayato slowed, resisting the urge to tighten his muscles in preparation to fight. He was an innocent little flower angel who was thinking of cotton candy, puppies, and kittens; then again, he could pretend to be Touka on her monthly and think about men’s blood and crushing skulls between her thighs.

Who was he kidding, she thought about that all the time.

Then again, so did he.

Seconds before he felt the hand land on his shoulder, Ayato whipped around, grabbed the skinny wrist, and kicked the legs out from under the person. In a fluid motion, he bent the other’s arm behind their back to incapacitate them and planted a foot on their chest. Then Ayato found himself staring into dark eyes surrounded by pink and green eyeshadow, lips painted magenta, and a heart-shaped chin sporting stubble.

“Ooh, you got me, I need to work on this,” the man -- at least Ayato thought the person was a man, he wouldn’t be surprised if he was wrong -- laughed. Ayato relaxed, realizing the man wasn’t going to attack and actually meant no harm at all and stepped back..

Then again, the man did have a rag smelling of chemicals in one hand.

“What’re you doing with that?” Ayato demanded.

“Oh, this?” The man sat up, flinging the cloth away from him. “It’s just soaked in baking soda and some facial cleaner.”

“I... That...” Ayato pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. “ _What_?!”

The man finally stood and Ayato got a good look at his gaudy clothing: dark purple jeans that hugged his legs a bit too much, a bright pink dress shirt under a blinding blue vest, and an orange scarf tied around his neck.

“Nico,” the man said, holding out his hand.

Ayato regarded it cautiously and didn’t make a move to take it. “What’re you doing with fake knock-out gas?” he asked instead.

“Oh, just trying to out-kidnap the kidnapper,” Nico replied, running a manicured hand along his chin. “I may need to work on my sneaking skills, or follow a less defensively-apt person.”

“What the _fuck_?”

Nico eyes widened. “What are you confused about?”

“The... This... You’re...” He threw his hands in the air. “Touka get out here and help me!”

There was a rustling to the left and his sister hopped out of a tree. “I was kinda interested in seeing where this was going without my help,” she complained. She examined Nico as she approached, sharp eyes darting from him to the cloth to Ayato’s exasperated expression. “What’s going on?”

“That’s what _I’d_ like to know!” Ayato snapped.

Nico blinked innocently. “I believe I may have the same goal as you two: to bait the kidnapper.”

“How does kidnapping bait a kidnapper?” Touka asked, folding her arms.

“By stalking those he might kidnap, kidnap them first, and narrow down his options until I know exactly who it’s going to be,” Nico explained.

The siblings stared at him before turning to each other and nodding.

Touka continued the questioning. “Why do you want to catch this kidnapper?”

“Why?” Nico chuckled. “Because I knew him in the past and I know what he does to his victims, thus I also know and understand that he needs to be stopped a soon as possible.”

* * *

**“You’re a minute and fifteen seconds late, you owe me a noodle lunch.”**

_You sound like Akira._

**“You’re three minutes and forty-two seconds late. And because of that I am now four minutes and ten second behind on editing, meaning I can’t leave until seven-oh-three.”**

_You spend too much time around her._

_C’mon, Seidou, you two would be cute._

“Nagachika? Are you still here?”

_Sorry I couldn’t treat you to a noodle lunch._

“Not yet, Nagachika, you were starting to be so promising.”

_What does food even taste like?_

“You know, you’re my favorite, you remind me of one of my previous favorites. Now this person was a gem, I’ve never met someone quite so eager to sacrifice themselves.” Something cold brushed against Hide’s stomach. “In fact, word has it they’re still in the city. Maybe I’ll get to them again -- I would like that.”

_I wonder what Kaneki’s doing right now._

**“So... are you going to tell me about yourself?”**

**“I don’t really know what to tell.”**

_Hey, Kaneki, you doing alright? Taking care of your scars?_

_Don’t worry about me._

_I just hope you find a reason to smile today._

_I bet you have a beautiful smile._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit hits the fan in the next chapter


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> poor Kaneki child also Nico is creepy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gosh guys thank you so much for your comments you seriously make my day ;-;

Yomo knocked on Kaneki’s door and waited.

About three minutes later, the door opened and Kaneki leaned out, his raven hair haywire and dark bags hanging under his eyes. He blinked sleepily at the older man before muttering, “Yomo? What’s up?”

Yomo glanced over Kaneki’s head at the dark and dirty apartment before bringing his hazel eyes back to Kaneki’s tired, gray ones. “There’s word from Anteiku.”

“Yeah? Was Touka’s and Ayato’s mission a success?”

Yomo paused before asking, “Can I come in?”

Kaneki sighed and stepped back, making room for the large man to duck into the hall. Kaneki shuffled over to his computer, the only source of light in the room. Yomo flipped the lightswitch to reveal a floor hidden beneath old laundry and a foul smell emanating from the kitchen.

He didn’t comment on it, deciding Kaneki was too preoccupied with the kidnapper to worry about his own hygiene.

“What’s the news?” Kaneki asked, taking a seat on the sagging, maroon couch.

Yomo remained standing, not sure where to sit even if he was offered a seat.

“Someone else had a similar idea as us,” Yomo started, “wanting to out-kidnap the kidnapper. His name is Nico and he knew the Shanghaier back in the day -- they didn’t work together, they were... something like friends with benefits.”

Kaneki scowled at the bag of chips on the coffee table. “I’ve heard of him; someone like Tsukiyama but more passive. And I mean that in a sexual way...”

Yomo exhaled. “The others are talking with him right now. Do you want to as well?”

The other boy was quiet for a long time and Yomo waited patiently.

Kaneki’s eyes slid to the red, analogue clock nearby. It blinked 9:32 PM.

“No, I have someone to meet,” he replied at last. “Maybe I’ll see him tomorrow.”

* * *

Touka slammed her fist on the table. “What part of ‘kidnapping to out-kidnap the kidnapper’ was a good idea?! That literally helps nothing and now a majority of the people in this room want to gut you!”

Nico propped his elbows up on the table. “It seemed like a good idea at the start, but I now realize the Shanghaier would probably know it was me.”

“Okay, you know the guy, spit it out already,” Nishio snapped, crossing his arms -- though Ayato, who stood behind the bespeckled man, could see him flexing his fists.

“His name is Yamori Yakumo,” Nico replied, albeit a little reluctantly. “An infamous serial killer -- he used the cover name Jason at one point. He piqued my interests several years ago and I made a deal with him so I could be close to him. Three years ago his...” Nico pursed his fuchsia lips in thought. “ _Hobbies_ became a little too iniquitous for my tastes.”

“‘Iniquitous’?” Ayato muttered to Nishio.

“Unjust, wicked, sinful, that sorta thing,” Nishio muttered back.

“Just after I left him, someone broke into his little hideout and let the only prisoner left alive escape,” Nico went on. “I heard he was pretty pissed off about that.”

“That’s what stopped the kidnappings the first time?” Irimi inquired.

Nico nodded. “Yes.”

“What else can you tell us about this Yamori person?” Koma asked. “What kinds of people does he kidnap? What does he do to them? Is there any chance of rescuing them?”

Nico sat back and smirked at Koma, a gesture that made even the large man squirm. “Dear, I can tell you right now that three of the seven are already dead, and if you want to rescue the remaining four you better act soon or else no one is getting out of there alive.”

* * *

The suburban area of the city was dark and dead silent. Kaneki drifted like a shadow down the sidewalk towards a house at the end of the lane. Despite it being just past ten and thus pitch-dark, he knew exactly what the house looked like: modern, many windows, colored a pale purple with white trim, and a beautiful front garden filled with roses with a tiny waterfall trickling in the middle.

Kaneki hadn’t wanted to visit the owner of the house, a retired villain even he had trouble handling, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

_You better be honored that I humble myself before you,_ Kaneki thought grimly, _Rize Kamishiro._

Kaneki stepped up to the white door with stained-glass windows and knocked quietly. He waited patiently as a light flicked on and at least six locks were undone before the door opened.

Rize was undeniably an attractive woman, even when it was midnight and her hair was in a half-undone bun, glasses falling off her face, and wearing nothing but a wrinkled bathrobe.

She gave Kaneki a tired smile, though he suspected she wasn’t tired at all and just wanted to tease him. “Well look who it is, Kaneki definitely-not-the-Nameless-Joker Ken. What can I do for you at this lovely hour?” she asked before adding in a teasing tone, “if it’s a favor I’ll take any form of payment, just because it’s you asking.”

“Let me inside so we can have a serious conversation,” Kaneki demanded quietly.

“Jeez, a woman just can’t flirt with you, can she,” Rize relented, turning and walking down the darkened hall, leaving the door open for Kaneki to enter. Taking a deep breath to calm the mix of anger and anxiety, he stepped in and closed the door behind him.

A light spilled from the kitchen and the soft whirr of the coffee machine started as he entered the spacious, white, and linoleum kitchen.

Before he could say anything, Rize started, “I know why you’re here. The Shanghaier is old news nowadays, but I’m ninety-five-percent certain you’re here to talk about him.”

“And the other five-percent?”

“Well, I don’t want to leave out the possibility that you’re here to say sorry and we’ll have some really nice sex.”

Kaneki sighed. “And the chance of that happening is less than one-percent.”

“But that’s still not zero.”

“Rize.” The word was a silent demand.

She raised an eyebrow and looked at him over her glasses. “Kaneki.”

He resisted the urge to give in to his anger and instead shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m not here to talk about the past.”

“Oh, but aren’t you?”

He glowered. “Will you let me finish?”

She giggled. “Alright, I’ll let you finish.”

Kaneki flexed his fingers in his pockets and gathered his words. “It’s been confirmed that the Shanghaier is the same kidnapper as two, three years ago. That being said, I’m sure he’s contacted you because of your... connections.”

“Please,” Rize interrupted with a scoff, “if he wanted connections he could’ve just contacted Tsukiyama.”

“Fine. _Resources_.”

“Better.”

He resisted rolling his eyes. “Enough interrupting. I want you to tell me what you told him.”

The coffee machine gurgled, filling the thoughtful silence.

“He needed supplies,” she said at last. “Medical supplies, military supplies, any kind of supplies. I hadn't heard from him in over a year, so I was also surprised when he contacted me -- I had been hoping moving here had gotten me out of his attention, apparently not.” She waved away the comment. “Anyway, like the good samaritan I am, I gave him what he asked for and it was almost worth it, what he paid me.”

“That’s the only reason you’re staying _here_ ,” Kaneki muttered.

“Didn’t we just have a conversation about _interrupting_?” She rolled her eyes. “You are impossible to please, Kaneki.” She laughed at her own words before sobering. “Yamori gave me a shipping address, but it was a common black-market trade spot, nothing out of the ordinary.”

“The ordinary is quite different between the two of us.”

“Again with the interrupting, shush. Anyway, I tipped a mutual enemy about the Shanghaier’s supposed kidnapping territories.”

_That explains how the Dark Knight and policemen knew already,_ he thought.

“I did a bit of snooping myself, but I only ran into another mutual acquaintance.”

“Yeah, Nico, we ran into him recently too.”

“So you already know what he knows -- which is basically nothing.”

“Based on what I know of him, pretty much.”

“So I’m interested in hearing what exactly you thought you’d get out of me.”

_More than this,_ Kaneki admitted silently. _I didn’t want to have to force you to tell me, but..._ “I’m not gonna make you tell me any more than you want to,” he started, “but if I later find out you were lying to me I will be less than happy.”

“Oh Kaneki,” Rize purred, stepping forward to hook a delicate finger under his chin. “I wish I could take your threats seriously, but I really can’t. I’ll tell you the last thing I know...” She reached her mouth to his ear where she whispered, as if seducing a lover, “Yamori’s most recent play thing is a cute one, but don’t blame yourself for what happens to him; he’s not into the whole torture-then-kill thing any more, so you’ll be sure to see your little friend again.”

“You diabolical witch,” Kaneki hissed, his hand shooting out to wrap around her throat.

She squealed with laughter. “There’s the Kaneki I know and love, tease me more, darling, and maybe you’ll get something else.”

Kaneki pressed his fingers into the side of her throat, making sure his nails would dig in and leave a mark, before releasing her. He turned and exited the kitchen without another word, using all his willpower not to lash out and kill her right there -- he didn’t want to deal with the aftermath since it would be all too easy to figure out her murderer.

It wasn’t exactly a secret that Kaneki hated Rize.

k... i... l... l... ... h... e... r...

Kaneki’s feet halted before the door, hand inches from grasping the handle. The darkness twisted before his eyes, contorting the shadowed lines of the objects around him until they was nothing but cold, muddy water.

**“That’s right, Kaneki, I can help you.”**

“Oh, Kaneki, are you sure you don’t miss me?”

_Which voice is real... Which voice is from the past..._ He couldn’t tell.

“I can help you save your little friend, just say the word.”

**“I can make all the pain go away.”**

Kaneki clenched his teeth. “Get out,” he hissed into the darkness.

e... a... s... y...

He couldn’t feel his body anymore; he felt like an alien using someone else’s body as a host. He tried to force his eyes to focus, to move his fingers, to even lose his balance and hit the floor hard enough to regain control... Yet nothing moved, he was frozen.

Rize’s arms wrapped around his shoulders and chest from behind, resting her head against his back. Her breath tickled the base of his neck, the only thing he could feel.

“You know I’ve missed you,” she whispered sweetly, words as poisonous the _lycoris radiata_ flowers that blossomed in her backyard.

_Lure them in with beauty_ \-- roses -- _and kill them with poison_ \-- red spider lilies.

Rize hummed an old lullaby. “Dead men, dead men, swinging in a tree, how many dead men do you see? Tongue turned blue and face turned gray, watch them as they twist and sway.” Her voice chased away the encroaching silence, but in that moment Kaneki almost wished for the quiet. “The first one killed the butcher man then cooked him in a frying pan, served him to his hungry guests and gave them seconds on request.”

“Stop it.” Was that his voice? He couldn’t tell.

“Just say the word,” she crooned, tracing a cold finger along his jawline. “The next with his smile and sweets stole children off the streets, to men who dressed unsavory he sold them into slavery. Who does that remind you of, Kaneki Ken?”

Sensation flared through his body and he whirled around, using his arm to fling Rize away. She slammed against the wall and shouted out in pain as something crashed to the floor. Kaneki felt his chest heaving as the darkness materialized back into sight: an end table, a broken vase, angles where the wall met the ceiling, Rize slouched against the wall, one hand holding her head...

Kaneki fell to his knees, pieces of glass pricking his legs through his pants, and wrapped both hands around her neck. Her own hands moved from her head to grab his arms, vainly trying to pull him away. She choked out his name, but he was done listening to her words.

a... n... o... t... h... e... r... ... s... i... n...

Her strangled cries weren’t enough to fill the quiet and the voice creeped back into Kaneki’s mind. His fingers tightened, relishing the feeling of her flesh bulging under his nails, his only regret that she wouldn’t bleed.

_He loved the color of blood._

“Wait,” she hoarsely forced out. “I can... help.”

“You think I’ll believe anything you tell me?” Kaneki snarled, feeling spittle leak at the corners of his mouth as his eyes widened in fury.

She tried to speak again, but her voice was nothing but a pathetic squeak.

What Kaneki mistook for silence was not quite silence at all: the rage narrowed his vision and clouded his ears, making him blind to everything but his fingers around Rize’s throat and deaf to everything but his own heartbeat and the murmur in the back of his mind.

A heavy leg collided with Kaneki’s abdomen and he was thrown to the side, slamming against the wall with the breath knocked out of him. Rize’s coughing joined his own as his mind spun, trying to figure out what had just happened.

Heavy footsteps walked over to him and a foot landed on his back, keeping him down.

“Well here’s a face I didn’t expect to see again,” a deep, grating voice sneered above him.

Suddenly Kaneki was three years younger, a junior in high school, an optimistic boy who liked reading and chemistry. A kidnapper had been on the loose, but there was no way that would affect him, right? Then his friend had gone missing. Then he had broken her out... No, he had taken her place.

“Yamori,” Kaneki grunted.

The large man laughed. “Who would’ve thought I’d run into you here of all places.” He ground his heel against Kaneki’s spine. “I’m almost happy to see you.”

Kaneki tried to stand, but he found himself weak with fear as memories floated to the front of his mind. _Wires and scalpels and and shackles and hot iron and rotten food and the -_

Kaneki’s skin crawled as a hundred legs skittered around his stomach and up his shoulders and over the base of his throat. His body writhed against his will as Yamori’s laughter was drowned out by the sounds of tiny feet crawling and clicking across his brain.

Yamori hauled Kaneki up by his collar and jabbed a needle into his arm before he could fight back. Kaneki’s body went limp as the sensation of centipedes dancing through his body intensified.

“I look forward to playing with you again,” Yamori muttered, his foul breath washing over Kaneki’s face. Yamori chuckled and dropped the other boy, who landed in a crumpled pile against the wall. Yamori turned and picked up Rize, carrying her like one might a child. “Let’s speak somewhere more private, shall we?” he said as he left the house, kicking the door shut behind him.

_Wait..._ Kaneki pleaded, though his lips didn’t move. The spinning darkness returned, engulfing his world, letting nothing remain save the faint sound of creeping feet and the voice.

y... o... u... ... f... a... i... l... e... d... ... a... g... a... i... n...

* * *

Shinohara yawned as he walked into the office, not overly thrilled to be working late on a tuesday night. He had been happy to have headed out several hours ago for dinner with his friends and colleagues, but then he had gotten a call from his superior officer about a new recruit who was to help with the Shanghaier case.

_And my day starts all over again at five in the morning tomorrow,_ he thought dismally as he worked his way around numerous recycle bins to the staff room. He glanced down at the papers in his hands, tired eyes attempting to read the name of the recruit under the dim light.

_I need some aspirin._

He pushed the clouded-glass door open with his foot and halted when he found the room empty. In fact, it looked as if no one had even been in since the janitors had come through.

Shrugging, he pulled out one of the nice, black chairs on wheels and sat down with a sigh, leaning back and closing his eyes.

_Probably should have turned a light on,_ he chided himself, but decided against doing it now. _I’m gonna put myself to sleep._

“Oohhh?! Investigator?” a voice exclaimed inches from Shinohara’s face. He started, snapping into an upright position, his forehead knocking against someone’s nose. The person in question rolled backwards on the table, clutching his face.

“What is - ” Shinohara started, taking in the ragged looking boy: his white dress shirt two sizes too big, his gray pants rolled up and held with orange suspenders, barefeet dirty and calloused. “How did you get in here? This floor is for authorized police personnel only.”

“Aww, but the sour looking man gave me his card!” he boy whined, scurrying into an upright position, that being sitting crosslegged while still on the table. Shinohara was slightly taken aback by the boy’s white hair, snowy skin, and ruby eyes. Was he an albino?

“‘Sour looking man’... You mean Itsuki Marude?” Shinohara asked, standing from his chair. He looked down at the papers scattered across the table. “Does that mean you’re... Juuzou Suzuya?”

“Ahh, that’s me! I am Juuzou,” the young man sang happily.

Shinohara blinked, trying to clear his tired brain. “R-right.”

“Ohh? Investigator?” Juuzou said, sounding worried as he leaned forward.

“Yes?”

Juuzou giggled. “When can I kill the Shanghaier?”

Shinohara took his seat again. “When we find him, I suppose. Though we -- the police department -- have made a deal with a third party to simply imprison him.”

Juuzou pouted. “But what about the other’s he’s killed? Isn’t it only fair?”

Shinohara was too tired to debate the morality of the situation, but at the moment Juuzou’s words made sense. Pictures of the victims taken so far rose to his mind, each smiling, each with a list of accomplishments, each piled with letters from mourning family members. Shinohara sighed, tired not only from a long day of work, but also from defeat of not yet making any headway with the Shanghaier case.

“I suppose it is fair, Juuzou, but I don’t think we get the final say in it.”

Juuzou clapped his hands, the noise startling Shinohara. “I know! I’ll just have to find the Shanghaier before the third party does!”

Shinohara dared to question, “Why do you want to find him so badly?”

Juuzou shifted his red eyes to Shinohara’s own, brown ones. “Why?” he muttered before breaking out into a wide grin. “Because he makes you crazy, right? You can’t make what’s already crazy, crazier, right?” He giggled again. “So that means I’m the only one who can take him on, right?”

* * *

Uta found himself walking towards Rize’s house at four in the morning for no particular reason.

He had been sitting back and watching the events concerning the Shanghaier unfold on their own, but being left out of the loop was boring in its own sense, so he had decided to talk to someone who would likely take the same humorous stand as he did.

What he found, however, was her door broken in, a vase he had somewhat fancied shattered, small smears of blood all over the walls, and an unconscious Kaneki.

Standing on the threshold overlooking the mess, he said, “Oh my,” and decided to help himself to some coffee.

Propping the door closed with the end table, Uta flicked on some lights and headed to the kitchen, happy to find a pot of cold coffee already prepared. Heating it up in the microwave was no problem and soon he was sitting at the table happily drinking.

Rize wouldn’t mind.

After the coffee he helped himself to a bagel and some bacon, wondering when Kaneki would wake up.

“Fuck.”

_Speak of the devil._

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” Uta said as he pulled a strip of bacon from the frying pan and lay it on a paper towel.

“Fuck you.”

“Bacon?”

“Fuck you.”

“I heard you the first time.”

Kaneki fell heavily into a chair, gripping his head and wincing as if suffering from one hell of a headache. “What time is it?”

“Hmm...” Uta leaned to see the round clock hanging from the wall. “Something like four-thirty on a wednesday morning.”

“Why are you here?”

Uta lightly tapped the frying pan with the spatula. “For the bacon.” The comment earned him a deathly glare and he sighed. “Just looking for conversation.”

“I didn’t know you and Rize were acquainted.”

“We don’t see each other often. Say, is she still sleeping? Did you two have a fight?”

Kaneki groaned and lowered his head to the table. “Fuck you, Uta.”

Uta only shrugged and went back to tending the bacon.

After a minute, Kaneki explained. “I tried to kill her. Then...” He swallowed. “Yamori came, knocked me out, and took her away. I have no idea where.”

“Ohh,” Uta said, turning the burner off. “Fascinating.”

“And I feel like shit.”

“At least you’re seeing okay.”

“I’m not.”

That caught Uta off guard. “What?”

Kaneki lifted his head, running a hand through his hair to keep his bangs back. Uta noticed heavy bags under his exhausted eyes. Their gray color looked paler than normal. “It’s pretty blurry right now,” Kaneki went on, voice sounding pained and laced with hopelessness. “I can’t quite make out where you are right now.”

Uta brought the plate of bacon over and set it between himself and Kaneki as he took a seat. “Well that sucks.”

Kaneki’s lips pulled into a small, sad smile. “I wouldn’t even care, really, I just - ” His voice cracked and he lowered his head. “I just wanted to see his smile again.”

Uta was wise enough to remain quiet, knowing that a wrong word could make Kaneki snap again. Instead, he busied himself eating the bacon as the sun continued to creep over the horizon, tainting the pale, blue light with a pink hue.

Uta turned his head to observe the kitchen; like the rest of the house, it was quite nice. There was a long, granite counter granting plenty of cooking space, steel-colored appliances, glass cupboards revealing white and other pastel colored plates and such, a spotless, white-tile floor, and a cherry wood table against one wall under a window facing east.

Below the window was a bountiful rose bush, though the red color was muted under the gray, morning light. Uta wondered what Rize’s red spider lilies looked like in the morning.

“Uta,” Kaneki said quietly, drawing his attention back to the boy across from him. “I need to find Yamori as soon as possible. Do you know anything?”

Uta propped his chin up in one hand and regarded Kaneki’s vacant stare. His tongue played with his lip piercing as he thought about Kaneki’s question.

_Well, to be honest, there’s only so much I know anyway._

_What info would be useful to you, I wonder...?_

“The wharf.”

“What?”

Uta tapped the table with his free hand. “The wharf. An informant of mine spotted Yamori around there. Twice, actually. It’s likely his base of operation is in that area.”

Kaneki exhaled, his brow creasing in thought. “And the chance of that being likely...?”

“Sixty-five, maybe seventy-percent.”

Kaneki hefted himself to his feet. “Good enough, I’m a little desperate at the moment.”

“If you happen across a Tivo I’ll check out your eyes again.”

“It’s got something to do with the drug I got last night.” He smiled sadly. “I don’t think you’ll be able to fix this one, Uta.”

Uta shrugged. “Whatever you say.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, no Hide, but Hide gets an extended part of the next chapter


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uta has more sass than Nishio in my writing and I don't know why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember the 'graphic depictions of violence' tag? yeah? good, okay, continue  
> also I don't know if Sen Takatsuki's first name is Sen or Takatsuki so I called her Sen, correct me if I'm wrong  
> also a little implied Uta/Yomo okay bye

Hide stood in a cold, windowless room. Everything around him was concrete and dark. Before him, illuminated by a bright, fluorescent light, was a steel medical table. Strapped to the table was a young girl who looked no older than fifteen, though a woman hidden under a red cloak had said she was twenty-four. Her eyes were hooded from sedation, her only clothing a pair of cloth shorts as the rest of her was bare.

In one hand, Hide held a surgical sewing needle already threaded, and in the other he held a syringe prepped for local anesthesia.

On the other side of the table, hidden just beyond the pool of light, the torturer stood. In the near week Hide had been held here, he had never gotten a look at the man who laughed and taunted him with pain. Even now, all Hide could make out was that the man was very large and wore some kind of formal suit.

“Are you ready, Nagachika?” the man said. “We can’t have you falling out of practice.”

Hide swallowed. He feared what was coming, but the cold shackles around his feet connected to iron balls kept him from moving, from running, from _doing anything_.

A large hand covered in a white, latex glove reached forward, a small scalpel held in it. Hide watched as it was lowered against the girl’s knee. The cut was small but deep, and the rich blood immediately started to pool and spill down her leg. Almost on instinct, Hide reached forward, sticking the syringe needle just above the cut before starting to stitch it closed.

 _It’ll scar, but I don’t think it’ll get infected,_ he thought.

The man chuckled, moving the scalpel to her shin, dragging it once again, parting the skin. Hide moved to it, dropping the needle and thread, instead grabbing gauze and medical tape, quickly covering the wound.

“Good job, shall we move onto level two?” The scalpel vanished into the shadows and was replaced with a carmalt splinter: a tweezer-looking tool whose tip angled to a dangerous point. They returned to the stitched cut on the girl’s knee. They snipped away at the white thread, opening up the wound. Hide watched in horror as they slipped under the skin and forcibly peeled it away, the tips digging into the muscle and pulling it apart.

Was the girl screaming? Hide couldn’t tell. He quickly scooped up the anesthesia and injected a bit more as the splinters moved away. Hide covered the wound with gauze and searched his limited tools for something that would better close the wound.

There was nothing, all he had was the surgical thread.

_What about disinfectant?_

There wasn’t any. Hide was hesitant to ask for some, worried he wouldn’t get any or, in the worst case, get something else entirely.

He placed the skin back together, sticking the wound close and dabbing at the blood, wishing he could clean it. Her entire knee was covered and tiny rivers traced down her calf.

The splinters disappeared, this time replaced by basic office scissors and some kind of large, surgical knife Hide had never seen before. His stomach dropped as he watched the twin blades move around the kneecap he had just stitched.

The word, “Stop!” forced its way from his mouth, and he tried to lunge out to grab the man’s arm and pull it away from the girl’s leg, but arms of the man’s subordinates shot out and stopped Hide, holding him still so he was forced to watch.

The scissors worked their way against her skin until they were wedged around her kneecap, then the man, as if simply breaking a toothpick, closed them, using the knife to pry the kneecap away from the rest of the ligament. The scissors severed the tissue and the knife aided in popping it out.

The girl screamed and fought against her restraints as blood exploded from the wound, the tendon and half of the scissors’ blade skidding across the floor somewhere. Her skin and muscle and bone blurred in Hide’s reeling vision. He leaned forward, emptying what little he had in his stomach onto the floor, the scent not mixing well with the overwhelming stench of blood.

_Stop the bleeding stop the bleeding stop the bleeding stop the -_

Hide forced his numb body to move, grabbing half the pile of gauze pads and holding them against the girl’s knee -- or, what was left of it.

_The outer meniscus and frontal cruciate ligament are surely damaged, if a graduate surgeon were here maybe he could save it, but I’m just a sophomore, I don’t know how to -_

**“I see you’re a sophomore med student at the university, you must be quite smart, then. Have you ever done a real surgery?”**

**“Well, I’ve done a knee-transplant on a cow, does that count?”**

_This isn’t the same, I can’t save her, she’s gonna bleed out. Even if by some miracle she doesn’t die she’ll never be able to walk again._

The man laughed as he removed his latex gloves, the sound grating on Hide’s ears. “We’ll see how well you do on level three -- oh, and you don’t get any more local anesthesia.” He turned and walked away, chuckling to himself.

Hide looked to where the syringe lay on the table between her legs, the clear liquid filling a third of it taunting him. He looked to her face twisted in pain, tears spilling from her eyes.

_I have to say something, something calming._

A small voice laughed in the back of his mind. _‘Something calming’? There isn’t anything you can say to calm her, false hope means nothing here._

Hide bit his lip as he fought back tears, not wanting to cloud his vision and risk making a mistake, though anything he did at this point would be sloppy anyway.

The world grew quiet as Hide emptied the anesthesia around her knee, gently peeling away the gauze and gathering the flaps of skin back, attempting to piece them together and cover the wound.

At least he had enough thread, right?

_Shit shit shit._

The table was covered in blood, it was dripping to the floor, his hands were covered in it, the girl had passed out, she was probably on the verge of death, Hide was also on the edge of losing consciousness, but he had keep his vision clear and heal her.

_I have to heal her._

_I will heal her._

Hide didn’t even realize the torturer had returned until his voice spoke over him.

“Oh, I almost forgot.”

Hide was forced to lean back as the hand, pale and calloused, came forward, once again holding the broken office scissors, still bloody.

“I have one more thing for you.”

Hide couldn’t move, all he could do was watch. The hand rose slowly before slamming the scissors down into the girl’s other knee. She choked out a strangled cry as the pain snapped her awake. The torturer leaned back, wiping his hands as if dusting them off.

“Now I’m done here.”

* * *

“It’s been confirmed.”

“What’s been confirmed?”

“That the Shanghaier’s base is at the wharf.”

“How did we find that out?”

“Koma was dressed a hobo - ”

“He _would_ be good at that.”

“Shut it, shitty Nishiki.”

Irimi sighed. “Both of you...”

Koma took the liberty of placing his hands on Nishio and Touka’s shoulders, scowling down at them while they both exchanged glares. Ayato, who had somehow been silent so far, exhaled and focused on juggling two bouncy balls.

“Isn’t Kaneki supposed to be here?” Nishio asked.

“He’s with Yomo right now, at Uta’s place,” Koma answered.

“He’s been to none of these meeting things,” Nishio sighed. “Whatever, I’ll chew his ear off this afternoon when I see him about some weapons and shit.”

“Don’t be too hard on him,” Irimi chided quietly. “After all that’s happened...”

“I really don’t fucking care, I just want to protect Kimi,” Nishio argued indignantly.

“And I don’t really think the kidnapper gives two shits about who you want to protect,” Touka snapped dangerously. “Both me and Kaneki have lost someone important, and I’m basing that off deductive reasoning since I’ve never seen him so frazzled before.” She balled her hands into fists. “So why don’t you just shut up and play your part.”

Nishio clenched his teeth and jumped to his feet, knocking away Koma’s hand. “Are you saying you don’t care if Kimi gets kidnapped?”

“Of course I care!” Touka exclaimed, also getting to her feet, knocking her chair backward. “But in case you’ve forgotten there are people _already missing_. We need to prioritize them over those who still walk freely.”

“So you _are_ saying Kimi doesn’t matter!” the older man growled, grabbing Touka’s shirt. She made to punch him, but out of nowhere a bouncy ball smacked into Nishio’s face and the group looked to see Ayato had stood, his glare threatening to turn Nishio to ash.

“Let go of her,” he snarled.

Nishio held the younger boy’s glare for a moment before turning away, releasing Touka’s shirt. She continued to glower at his back.

“We don’t have time to be fighting amongst ourselves,” Irimi said firmly. “Let’s just go over our plan and then we can all go home and sleep. I know we’re all tired, but...” She mustered a ragged smile. “The good part is that this’ll all be over soon.”

Nishio scowled but otherwise said nothing.

Koma stepped forward and laid out the maps of the wharf they were targeting. “It seems Yamori’s main building is this old greenhouse -- not the greenhouse itself, but the basements underneath. Getting in will be difficult, since he has guards, but I don’t think they’ll be too difficult to handle.” He tapped the large circle near the left-center part of the map. “The only difficulties we’ll run into is if the police department gets involved. Tsukiyama said that they are also planning a rescue mission tomorrow. Because the target is so important, it’s likely the Dark Knight will be there as well.”

“I’ll take him on,” Ayato said, casually tossing the remaining bouncy ball up and down in one hand.

Touka turned to her brother. “I’ll come with you.”

“That’ll be dangerous.”

“Which is exactly why you shouldn’t take him on your own.”

“You two can sort out the logistics later,” Koma interrupted. “Okay, moving on. With Ayato, and most likely Touka as well, keeping the Dark Knight busy, Irimi and I will secure a way for Kaneki and Yomo to get in, which is where Nishio comes in.” Koma turned to the brunette man. “Whatever you can create by tomorrow night will need to be able to break doors, overwrite security codes, and give us a live map of where people are.”

“Easy,” Nishio snorted.

Koma nodded. “Yoshimura won’t participate in this one. The” -- he winced at his own words -- “years are catching up on him.”

Irimi nodded, Nishio only glowered at the wall, and the Kirishima siblings stared at the wooden floor of Anteiku.

“It’ll be some Friday night, won’t it?” Nishio commented at last, voice quiet.

Everyone nodded and no more words were spoken as they secluded themselves to their thoughts.

* * *

Kaneki bounced his knee as he waited for Uta to finish the chemical mixture. He would have thought he’d had enough chemicals in the past week -- first when he lost his eyesight, again to get it back, and then when Yamori had injected him with a near lethal dose of thioridazine -- yet here he was, waiting for another chemical solution.

“On a scale of one to ten - ” Uta started.

“Four,” Kaneki interrupted. “It’s like having twenty one-forty vision without glasses.”

“I see.”

“Fuck. You.”

Uta snickered.

“At least it’s not twenty two-hundred,” Kaneki sighed.

“Touche.”

There was a knock on the door and Yomo entered, briefly letting in the pulsing music from upstairs before closing the it again.

“Took your time,” Uta chided as he dipped a thing into another thing. Kaneki sighed and lowered his head into his hands.

“There was a police barricade I had to sneak around,” Yomo explained as he shrugged his coat of, likely hanging it up near the door. He walked closer to the other two and Kaneki smelled sugar on him -- did he stop by a bakery?

“Hm? They work fast.”

“How’s the solution coming along?”

There were some clinking sounds and the stench of sulfur mixed with the smell of sweets. “His eyes were already shit, whatever Yamori gave him fucked them up some more. I don’t think there’s any permanent solution, but I can give him eyesight for a little longer.”

“Oh.”

“And this time it won’t hurt, Kaneki!” Uta called out, and Kaneki gave him a weak thumbs up.

“When will it be ready?”

“In a couple hours, but I won’t give it to him until tomorrow afternoon,” Uta explained, “so he has eyesight for longer.”

Yomo lifted what looked like a computer and a white paper bag out of a backpack. “I’ve got the blueprints of the wharf and what we know of underground. Nishio should be working on computer codes and bombs about now. Also some donuts.”

“You know me so well,” Uta flirted, the paper bag crinkling as he reached his hand into it.

“In other news, Touka and Ayato are gonna take on the Dark Knight, Irimi will protect Nishio, and Koma and I are going with Kaneki.”

Uta made a noise of disappointment. “Not inviting me?”

“Didn’t know you wanted in.”

“I always want in, since I like topping.”

There was a long moment of silence and Kaneki slowly raised his head to stare in Uta’s general direction.

“Really?” Kaneki asked. “Was that _really_ necessary?”

Uta shrugged. “It’s like volleyball; you see the ball you gotta spike it.”

“That was nothing like volleyball,” Yomo chided monotone.

Uta only shrugged again.

“Anyway,” Yomo continued, “if you want to help talk to Irimi or Koma.”

“Nah, I don’t want to help.”

Kaneki sighed and went back to staring at the floor, the only thing that could stay in focus.

Uta ended up taking several hours to finish the solution. While it simmered, he and Yomo got into a small, personal argument and left the room to settle it.

While they were gone, Kaneki was left alone with his thoughts, and with the club’s pulsing beat above it was easy to think to the past.

* * *

Friday night came almost too quickly. Kaneki leaned back in a chair as Uta held his eyelids open with his own fingers. Kaneki balled his hands into fists as the first drop of the solution splashed into his eye. Two, three, four more followed, then Uta moved to the next eye after letting Kaneki blink. Once finished, Kaneki sat up, amazed by how Anteiku slowly faded back into focus. 

“Ta-da!” Uta sang, clapping his hands. “All set.”

“Quick, how many fingers am I holding up?” Touka said, shoving her hand into Kaneki’s face.

“He’s blind, not hallucinating,” Nishio snapped.

Kaneki rolled his eyes. “Four.”

Touka sat back and crossed her arms. “You’re sure about this?”

“I don’t think I can get any more sure.” He looked down at his hands. “This needs to end once and for all.”

It was clear there were more words Kaneki wanted to say, but no one pressed him when he remained silent. After a moment or two had passed, Nishio sighed and adjusted his glasses.

“So we gonna do this or not?”

* * *

Amon shrugged the black coat on, taking care to adjust it properly. He regarded himself in the mirror, observing his usual deadpan expression. After a minute, he reached for his mask -

But his hands bumped into somebody else’s. His head snapped up to see that Lady Sable was leaning against the table, her hand pressed atop his mask. She started at him with bright eyes, a small smirk pulling at her lips. She was already dressed for the night.

“I told you not to come,” he said evenly.

“Tonight is too important to miss,” she replied.

“So you always knew who I was?”

Lady Sable slid the mask away from his hand as she leaned closer. “You’re not the most subtle.”

Amon hesitated for just a second before lifting his hands to either side of her head, holding it there gently.

_She has... very nice eyes._

Slowly, he lifted her own mask, and she didn’t try to stop him. Pale, blond hair tumbled out, falling pin-straight to her jawline.

“Apologies that I’m not a multi-million business person,” she laughed quietly.

Amon shook his head. “I now understand all his remarks about his boss, now.”

Confusion creased her brow. “‘His’?”

Amon turned towards the shadowed wall. “He chose the name Cardinal. I believe he’s a subordinate of yours.”

He stood slightly shorter than Amon, dressed in a similar black outfit, though a dark, red pattern dotted his mask. A large gun with a green hilt was slung over his back.

Seidou smirked. “Welcome aboard, your majesty.”

* * *

_Kaneki and Sen Takatsuki became friends over their love of literature. As a sophomore in high school, Kaneki volunteered to help at the community library after school. Takatsuki was a part-time librarian who often wrote since the library was typically empty._

**_“I... I think it’s cool. That, you know... you write.”_ **

_When he finally worked up the courage to talk to her about it, he was relieved to find she was casual and quirky. After some time, she even let him beta read some of her works._

_Half a year later her first book was published and they celebrated by running around town all night -- small cafes, window shopping bookstores, thrift shops, sneaking around clubs, taking the subway to random parts of town..._

_It gave Kaneki a sense of thrill he hadn't ever experienced, and he loved it._

_When he started junior year, it was on a good note. He didn’t need anyone other than Sen._

_A kidnapper appeared in the city near theirs, taking women at night. Kaneki and Sen joked about it, not really worrying. He was taking AP English and AP Chemistry, he was studying for college exams and planning his future; she was working on her next novel, the first having been a massive success. There was no way a kidnapper could affect them, right?_

_Sen had to go to a book signing in that city. She would be gone for a week. It would be fine._

**_“Kaneki, we need to talk.”_ **

_The man was Investigator Arima Kishou, a man who was heading the kidnapper’s case. Kaneki had been taken aside on his way to the library by the tall man with white hair -- though he could only have been in his late twenties._

**_“Sen Takatsuki... She’s been kidnapped.”_ **

_Just like that his world crashed down. His best friend, his only friend, had been kidnapped -- that wasn’t supposed to be possible._

_And that was when he realized:_ Maybe I can save her.

_He was living with his aunt at the time, a woman who cared for him just about as much as he did for her -- that being quite little. When he started coming home only rarely she would shout and chastise him for making her work harder before forgetting his existence minutes later. While the stress was intense, Kaneki took every advantage he had to formulate the perfect rescue plan._

_A week later, he was sure he was ready. Instead of going to school that morning, he took the train to the city. He hadn’t been there since he had been young and his mom had still been alive, so naturally things had changed._

Wouldn’t it be nice to just live here...

_When evening came, Kaneki had infiltrated the kidnapper’s base and was hiding behind a filing cabinet. His heart was pounding and it took all his willpower to control his breathing. Mere feet away, one of the kidnapper’s helpers was bent over a table, a person wearing a hooded red cloak._

Take the person out, get the cloak, get to Sen.

_Easy._

_Kaneki readied the syringe on his hand, got to his feet, and sunk the needle into the person’s neck. With a small gasp, the person fell and Kaneki quickly stripped them of their cloak, throwing it over himself._

_Grabbing a tray of strange materials -- Kaneki had no idea what they could be for -- he headed out of the room and down the quiet, dark hall. Soon he heard laughter and he slowed. When he came to a door slightly ajar, he halted and peered in._

_The room was cramped, like a dentist’s office. In the center was a chair, and strapped to the chair was Sen: her hair cut, blindfolded, and wearing only a pair of shorts. Her skin was split and dotted in blood, both dried and new. Kaneki resisted rushing in right then, knowing it would ruin his plan and probably get them both killed._

_The kidnapper -- wielding a scalpel and making small incisions over her skin -- was a large man built like an ox. His blond hair was slicked back from his face and his wide, malicious smile crinkled his flat nose. He wore a rubber apron over a cream-colored suit; odd attire for a torturer._

_Kaneki noted the door then walked away, working to quell the rage boiling in his stomach._

Just wait...

_He pocketed a couple of the sharp instruments just in case, then bided his time in a side room. About an hour later the kidnapper stormed by, cursing about an infiltration. Kaneki’s heart leapt in fear. Once the kidnapper had passed, Kaneki jumped to his feet and ran back to the room with Sen. She was half unconscious as he cut her bonds and helped her to feet, wrapping the red cloak around her._

_They stumbled down one hallway after another back to the front of the building. They ran into one of the kidnapper's subordinates, who raised a whistle when they saw them. Kaneki didn’t hesitate, stepping forward and jamming a pair of dangerously sharp scissors into the person’s neck._

_That was first time he had killed someone, and the first time he realized he liked the color of blood._

_Sen regained full consciousness when they exited the building. Kaneki carried her towards a telephone booth, setting her down against a tree where she was hidden by shadows before he picked up the phone, meaning to call the police -_

_A gunshot rang out and a sharp, intense pain exploded in the back of his calf. His knees buckled and he turned to see the kidnapper walking leisurely towards him, casually swinging a handgun around by the trigger._

**_“I’ve never had someone break in so flawlessly before,”_ ** _the man sneered, stopping in front of Kaneki and aiming the gun point-blank at his head._ **_“You intrigue me quite a bit, so I won’t kill you -- at least not right away.”_ **

_The barrel moved to Kaneki’s shoulder and the pain was instantaneous._

_Kaneki was brought back to the building and thrown in the room Sen had been in only ten minutes ago, left to bleed until the kidnapper came for him._

_The only bright side was that Sen escaped._

_He was left alone for several hours where he drifted in a cold, fretful sleep. Then, he was harshly awoken by the door banging open and being hefted to his feet by his collar. His eyes refusing to focus, he was hauled through the building to large room and strapped to a bloodstained chair._

**_“I can see it now,”_ ** _the man growled in Kaneki’s ear,_ **_“you’re gonna be a fun thing.”_ **

_Later, only in his dreams, could Kaneki remember in bright detail the events that transpired while he was imprisoned in that room. The cold, the heat, the sickening smell of blood and other body fluids, needles pricking and tearing at his skin, syringes pressed to his neck and eyes, the crawling sounds of a centipede creeping into his ear, all the while the torture’s voice teasing him:_

**_“You’re friend moved away, seems this city was too much for her.”_ **

**_“You’re family is looking for you, adorable.”_ **

**_“The news proclaimed you dead yesterday. They got tired of looking.”_ **

**_“Don’t think of escaping, I would be sad to see you go.”_ **

_And then one day, the man gave not a comment but a question:_

**_“What’s one-thousand minus seven?”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god college starts in a week or something what am I gonna do


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit happens bruh i ate so much candy while writing this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can blame me

The sky was overcast, creating a gray bridge between day and dusk, blotting out the setting sun. It was a cool evening for summer. Under the pale light, Kaneki’s hair looked like pearly snow: not quite pure white, more a pale gray. Something about his dyed hair always interested Touka. Maybe it was because he became a completely different person, or maybe it was because she had met him with white hair. To her, the white-haired-him was the _real_ him and not the other way around.

She watched from a side street as Kaneki adjusted a red ball cap with a white front over his hair, keeping his eyes down. She caught a glimpse of green curling up from his lips, its color dulled under the dim light. She shrunk back into the shadows, adjusting the silver mask covering half her face. Behind her, Ayato stepped forward, adjusting his own black and silver mask.

“Ready?” she asked.

“Of course, I’ve been looking forward to this for the past two years.”

She smirked. “As we both have.”

“Remember when we first met him?” Ayato laughed quietly. “I think it was simultaneously the most horrible and best thing that I’ve ever seen. There was blood everywhere and the man -- if that had even been a man -- had been quartered and his - ”

“Ribs were snapped upright and his lower half had been flayed, I know, you’ve told me many times,” Touka interrupted, giving her a brother a slight eye roll. “I think I met him in a much more spectacular way.”

“The theatre ‘massacre’ doesn’t count, there were only nine people there.”

She frowned at her brother. “That’s still eight more people than when you met him.”

Her brother _tch_ -ed and leaned against the brick wall, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Touka did as well, though she lacked pockets -- instead, she folded her arms. “I’m still kinda worried about him. I mean, even when it came to us, he never showed that much concern. And when he’s...” She glanced out to the street where Kaneki and long since vanished. “When he’s _that_ he shows even less concern.”

“Have we ever known him any differently?”

“I’m just wondering what he was like before he became the crazy, slaughterhouse killer we know today.”

Ayato was quiet for a while and Touka guessed he was mulling over her comment.

At last he said, “If he manages to rescue whoever he’s worried about, maybe we’ll get to see a bit more of who he really is.”

* * *

Kaneki stood across the street of the wharf area, the glass dome of the old greenhouse rising above the other storage units. The glass was tarnished and grime covered; a couple plates cracked or missing altogether. The wharf hadn’t been used in years ever since some accident that sunk several ships to the bottom of the bay and no one wanted to pay for their removal, thus making the water dangerous to navigate for anything larger than a rowboat. Since it now couldn’t serve its original purpose, the city had turned it into a massive storage unit.

A couple feet away from Kaneki stood the telephone booth, its plastic shell scratched and worn.

He stared at it for a moment before blinking.

_It was the middle of the night and blood covered hands groped at the walls and the plastic handle as he was dragged away, biting his tongue so hard to bled to keep from crying for mercy, because if he screamed Sen would come and the mission would have been in vain._

He snapped back to reality a moment later. Looking at his watch as he turned away he decided it was time.

He glanced to his left where Yomo and Koma stood in pale shadows. He nodded slightly, their signal. He would figure out how to lose them once they got inside -- he didn’t want anyone to see his plans for Yamori.

Kaneki pulled a handgun equipped with a silencer from his pocket and darted forward, stepping silently from pavement to grass and back to the narrow road between the storage units. The first person dressed in a red cloak came into view in no time at all. Kaneki raised the gun while running, shot, and caught the person as they fell, slowly lowering them to the ground. Quickly, his hands searched the person for any kind of device: a phone, a keycard, even a regular key. What he found was a small pager, which he tossed to Koma. Koma in turn popped the back off and hooked it to a device Nishio had given him.

Yomo held up a small walkie. “You should get data in a moment.”

There was a quiet crackle of static from the other end before Nishio’s voice affirmed, “Got it.”

The three knelt next to the wall and waited patiently as Nishio did his work. A couple minutes later Nishio said, “This pager is connected to two channels; one is connected to thirty-two other pagers, and the other is connected to only two others.”

Koma nodded. “Can you locate where other henchmen might be?”

“None immediately around you. Go forward a hundred or so feet then turn right - ” He cut off as the sound of sirens echoed from behind Yomo. The three looked up as red and blue lights flashed against the storage units.

“We got company, hurry up,” Koma urged.

“Yeah, I see them too. Anyway, after turning right you should be able to beeline for the greenhouse and the door is on the south side.”

“Got it, we’ll contact you when we get there.” Yomo and Koma pocketed their devices and the three got to their feet, pausing only a moment before starting to run. For the first hundred feet there was no one, but when they rounded the corner they skidded to a halt, finding themselves face to face with another person dressed in a red cloak. The person was just as startled as them.

Kaneki recovered first, raising his gun and shooting the person’s head, creating a hole large enough to see straight through. As the person fell, bullets exploded on the ground near their feet. Kaneki danced away and they retreated around the corner they had just rounded.

“Thanks for that warning,” Koma hissed into the walkie.

“Touka was yelling at me!” Nishio argued. “It seems our favorite man in black has arrived, and he brought company.”

Kaneki cursed, peeking around the corner to see the shadow of a man with an automatic rifle standing atop one of the storage units.

“This is bad,” Koma said.

“No shit,” Kaneki replied.

“No, I mean, I got shot in the leg.” The large man slid down to the ground. “I’ll just slow you down and it’ll only get faster from here out.” He pressed the walkie and transmitter device into Yomo’s hands. “I’ll cover you guys.”

“You sure this is a good idea?” Kaneki asked.

“It’s my only idea. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” He pulled his own gun from his pocket. “I may not be as fast a shooter as you, but I can hold my own. Now go rescue your friend.”

Kaneki was caught off guard by Koma’s last words. _How did they guess?_

He paused. _Is Hide even my friend?_

_What is Hide to me?_

_What am I to him?_

All he said was, “Thanks, Koma.” Jumping to his feet, he and Yomo went around the storage unit opposite the sniper that shot down at them,while Koma opened fire. With gunshots echoing behind them and policemen yelling from the way they had come, Yomo and Kaneki rushed towards the greenhouse.

They ran into two more men on the ground and one more sniper. Kaneki could feel his blood beginning to boil as he replayed shooting the man’s head and the heavy crunch the sniper made when he fell from his perch. It sung and danced in his veins, euphoria surged through his body, his fingers tingled as they teased the trigger and his free hand ached to feel a gun as well.

Kaneki and Yomo reached the side of the greenhouse, pressing their backs against it. From the way they had come, gun shots rang out. A little ways away two successive explosions blossomed into the evening sky, red fire climbing on arms of smoke.

“We should hurry,” Yomo whispered. Kaneki nodded and the two started running around the side of the building to the south entrance. When they reached it, Yomo followed Nishio’s instructions to unlocking the door. As he waited, standing guard, Kaneki eyes swept every shadow in every corner, almost hoping someone would come so he could kill them.

He glanced at Yomo fiddling with the keypad, Nishio’s voice ranting from the walkie. Kaneki gripped the hilt of the gun, his finger hovering over the trigger. _How easy it would be to kill him right now._ Kaneki supposed the blood, darkened under the overcast sky, would look good against Yomo’s pale skin, flecking his eyelashes, leaking from where Kaneki made the fatal wound...

Kaneki bit his tongue -- hard -- and turned away. He couldn’t kill Yomo.

There was a faint buzz, a click, and the door cracked open. Readying his gun, Kaneki stepped forward first, slipping into the shadowed hall.

A dark figure moved beyond and Kaneki pulled the trigger, the person falling heavily, whatever they were holding crashing to the ground. Behind him, Yomo jumped at the noise, but Kaneki only walked forward. The person was a woman and she had been carrying a metal tray holding various medical supplies.

“Medical” supplies.

Kaneki knelt and picked a couple of the items up: a sharp pair of scissors, a syringe, a scalpel, and a pair of abdominal retractors. He pocketed them before standing, not glancing at Yomo as he said, “We’ll be moving fast, stay close.”

Not waiting for a word of affirmation, Kaneki darted forward, keeping his gun ready. The easiest way to lose Yomo would be to first take the walkie then lead him around multiple sharp turns before retracing his own steps.

Kaneki stopped at a corner and peeked around it, spotting an armed guard. He stepped back and nodded to Yomo. “You take him, I’ll ask Nishio where the door to the next level is.”

Yomo nodded without hesitancy, handing Kaneki the walkie. As he started shooting at the guard around the corner, Kaneki said, “Nishio, where’s the next door?”

“You’re close, take a right and then a left from the corner you’re at now.”

The gunfire ceased and Yomo turned back to Kaneki. “Good?”

Kaneki nodded, keeping a hold of the walkie, and hurried forward, stepping on the fallen man’s wrist simply so he could hear the satisfying _crunch_ of it breaking under his boot.

Eagerness was started to simmer in his abdomen, barely contained. With each step it heated, threatening to take control of Kaneki’s actions. His bloodlust was gnawing at his chest and mind, demanding to be quenched.

A grin slowly broke out across his face as he imagined what he would do to Yamori when he found him.

Kaneki lead Yomo in circles, moving fast enough so all the walls blended together. His feet move quicker, he took sharper, more unexpected turns. Yomo huffed a question, but Kaneki ignored it. _Will you leave me be already?!_

At last it worked: Kaneki stepped around a corner to see Yomo’s back disappearing around another. Now moving silently, gripping the walkie, Kaneki hurried back to the door Nishio had first pointed out. He stopped with his back next to it.

“Go for it, Nishio.”

“What’re you up to, Kaneki? You know I can see everything you’re doing.”

Anger twisted his gut, but he kept it out of his voice. “Just open the door.”

There was a quiet _click_ and the door popped open. Kaneki hurried inside, shutting it behind him. Stairs lead down, turning at a short landing. Kaneki checked the bullets in his gun: three left. He pulled a second gun out, also equipped with a silencer. Feeling better holding two, he hurried down the stairs and onto the first floor.

“You have one more floor to go down, then you should find Yamori.”

“Thanks, Nishio.” _But this part is familiar now._ He dropped the walkie onto the  ground, around the corner of the landing and out of sight. _My plans are always flawless._

* * *

Every so often Hide could hear faint explosions above, the vibrations slightly shaking the ground. He wasn’t entirely sure where he was. After he had done what he could do to fix the girl, he had been blindfolded and brought to a room much larger than the previous ones he had been in. He had then been stripped of his clothes save his -- now quite filthy -- boxers and handcuffed to a chair.

He had sat in silence for an eternity before the first explosion came from above which roused him. Soon after the torturer had walked in -- Hide had learned how to different his steps from others: _his_ were heavy and slow and filled with dread. With the footsteps came squeaking wheels and the sound of metallic objects knocking against one another. Hide stiffened.

“We’ve got company, so I’m going to have make this unfortunately quick,” the man sighed, genuinely sounding disappointed. Hide clenched his fists in wait as the man prepared for whatever he was going to do. There were scraping sounds, the strike of a match, a wash of heat and coal smoke, something heavy being lifted...

The man stepped forward and rested something cold and sharp against Hide’s chest.

“Seven-percent of the human body’s weight is blood,” the torturer said, as if to himself. “You die when you lose over sixty-percent of it, and since we don’t want that it’ll now be _my_ turn to keep you alive.” He chuckled, pressing and dragging the sharp object down Hide’s chest, smoothly parting the skin. Hide felt the blood spill down his chest, shuddering but otherwise remaining silent.

The man moved away, setting down the knife, and picking up something else.

“Please let me hear those pretty screams of yours,” the man growled, pressing a smoldering hot length of iron against the cut. First heat washed through Hide’s chest, then cold, then more heat. With the wound cauterized it stopped bleeding, but Hide knew it would leave an ugly scar across his skin.

The man _tsk_ -ed. “Come on, Nagachika, we both know you have a voice.”

The knife returned, this time the cut was quick but deeper. Hide bit his lip despite knowing resistence was futile. A moment later that wound was also cauterized, the rod pressing harder against his skin. Hide whimpered, but that was all.

“You’re making me mad, Nagachika.”

Another cut.

“Nagachika.” It was an order.

Another cauterized wound

“ _Scream_.”

He didn’t even wait for the iron to cool even a couple moments, it went straight from the burning coals to Hide’s skin, heat sealing the split flesh, sizzling against the rivers of blood. The man held it there, pressing it harder against the weak flesh. As lightheadedness washed through Hide’s head, his teeth broke the skin on his tongue and there was nothing holding him back.

Hide screamed, agony pulsing through his body. He screamed for the pain blossoming on his chest, for the girl who got her knees screwed up, for the things he had been forced to eat, for the light that seemed to have faded from his life.

Tears pooled and spilled from his eyes, soaking the blindfold and dripping down his cheeks. Cries ripped themselves from his throat at the torturer laughed, exclaiming words Hide couldn’t make out.

Eventually the screams shifted to whimpering cries, Hide’s shoulders shaking as he tried to get his breath back.

The torturer heaved a sigh, sounding overly content. “That’s what I wanted,” he muttered, setting the iron down. He rubbed his hands together. “I don’t want to leave, but - hm?”

A door opened, cutting the man off. Hide didn’t care, he slouched in the chair as much as he could, his head ringing, his chest and abdomen burning. The sobs subsided to quiet weeping, his shoulders trembling as he wished it would all just _end_.

Words had been exchanged between the torturer and the newcomer. The encounter finally caught Hide’s attention when someone other than the torturer laughed.

“Let me take even more from you,” the torturer sneered, his knuckles cracking.

The other’s laughs quieted to crazed snickering. “Fuck you.”

_That voice sounded familiar._

_But... No, I don’t know anyone who sounds like that._

_He sounds crazy._

_But it still..._

_Is that Kaneki?_

* * *

It was easy to find Yamori’s torture rooms: they hadn’t moved since the last time he had been there. The side rooms were still filthy and bloodstained, broken tools scattered and forgotten. Of ten, only three had closed doors -- but he knew none of those held the person he was looking for.

There was no one else down these gray halls, only echoing gunfire and explosions from above. Nonetheless, Kaneki kept his fingers ready on the triggers of his two pistols, attempting to calm -- even if only slightly -- the singing in his blood.

Then someone started screaming, a scream that made even Kaneki freeze as his heart contracted in pain, his past crying out with that scream, understanding it, sympathizing with it.

And then he realized who the scream belonged to.

He started running. His feet pounded against the cement floor and his breath quickened.

_I’m almost there._

_I’m almost to_ him _._

The door to the largest room came into view as past images flashed across Kaneki’s mind: red, black, white, chains, all blurred by pain.

He let his momentum carry him forward, slamming his body weight against the doors, heaving them open.

What lay before him was like a nightmare come to life.

The room was mostly the same as when he had last been there: large, spacious, and still decorated with those hideous white and black floor tiles. In the center of the room, shackled to a familiar chair, was the bloody husk of a person; hair matted and stained, skin sunken, gray, and covered in scars, feet calloused and caked in dirt and other things -

Yamori stepped away, and Hide’s chest came into view.

Kaneki felt his face twist in utter fury. “ _Yamori_ ,” he hissed, clenching his teeth.

The large man laughed. He, too, hadn’t changed. He was still the same, large, broad shouldered _monster_. His arms and legs bulgings, his meaty fingers toying with an iron rod, face pressed in and flattened, nose wide and prominent. His pale hair was slicked back, the only part of him that remained clean.

A cheshire grin split his face, crooked teeth staring Kaneki down.

“How nice to see you so soon,” Yamori sneered, turning to reveal a scalpel being tossed idly up and down in the other hand. He wore a rubber apron marked with dried blood.

Anger quelled the crazy and Kaneki was able to form words coherent to his brain. “Get away from him,” he ordered, unable to stop a crazed laugh tumbling from his lips.

“I don’t think so, you know how much I love my toys and how I don’t like sharing.” Yamori stopped short and realization dawned across his face. He started laughing. “I can’t believe it! You _care_ for this man?” He threw a finger towards Hide. “This is simply perfect! To think the one I like the most knows the one I _hate_.” He set the scalpel and iron poker down and cracked his knuckles. “Let me take even more from you.”

Kaneki burst out laughing for a moment before it quieted to snickering, his body trembling from mirth. He could feel everything slowly slipping away, the world melting, its sense and sanity dripping away until nothing was left save the crooked skeleton of reality.

“Fuck you,” he hissed, tensing his body so aggressively his neck and shoulders cracked. “I’m ending this now.”

“You escaped from me once and I wasn’t done playing with you.”

“But haven’t you heard?” Kaneki snapped once gun forward, smiling so wide his jaw felt sore. “My plans are always perfect.”

* * *

The blindfold was gently tugged from Hide’s eyes, the shackles clicked and fell from his wrists, and watery lips pecked kisses over his face. He slowly raised his heavy head, blinking away the bleariness. Before him was a large, fairly empty room, its floor tiled black and white. Around the chair he sat the ground was flooded with blood, old and new. Pain danced across his chest and he glanced down to see a hideous scar blooming over his skin.

Someone was on their knees, their hands gripping the material of his shorts as their head rested between his knees. The person’s shoulders shook with soft sobs.

“Kaneki?”

The white-haired boy raised his head, revealing a blood-smeared face smudged with green streaks. Tears traced ravines through the color, mixing the colors into a grotesque water painting.

Kaneki tried to speak, but all that came was a strangled cry. Hide’s own eyes tightened as tears of his own threatened to come. He had to say something.

“It’s okay,” he managed, voice choked and cracked. “It’s okay.”

Kaneki sniffed and shook his head. “It’s... not,” he spluttered. “You didn’t deserve this, this is all my fault, I couldn’t get here fast enough.”

Hide reached a hand to Kaneki’s head, stiff fingers working under the other’s chin and raising Kaneki’s head. Hide stared into those rich, silver eyes, their color swirling with a medley of emotions: fear, relief, sorrow, euphoria, and something else. Something was battling behind those eyes, a fight over Kaneki’s mind, the white-haired him and the black-haired him.

“But you’re here now, aren’t you?”

And Hide realized he loved both.

* * *

Kaneki fell to his knees before Hide, pulling off the blindfold and undoing his shackles with shaking hands. Once Hide’s eyes were free, Kaneki leaned forward, planting kisses over Hide’s forehead, eyes, lips, and to his hands. His head sunk against Hide’s thighs, wanting to feel everything about the other, his hands gripping the other’s shorts, holding on with the belief that if he let go Hide would disappear. The tears turned to quiet sobs.

“Kaneki.”

Hide’s voice was like forgiveness itself.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“It’s not, you didn’t deserve this.” Kaneki voice felt distant to himself, as if the world was nothing but Hide’s warmth. “This is all my fault, I couldn’t get here fast enough.”

Hide lifted Kaneki’s head, and Kaneki gazed in mild surprise into Hide’s beautiful, glimmering, chocolate eyes -- eyes that weren’t dead.

“But you’re here now, aren’t you?” He reached his other hand to gently brush Kaneki’s bangs back. “You have beautiful hair.”

Kaneki lowered his eyes to Hide’s chest and they widened as he took in the sun-shaped scar. Fresh tears broke out and he reached forward to caress his fingers against it. Hide shivered and flinched, but didn’t move away.

Kaneki’s moved his fingers across the corrugated scar tissue, down the edges, feeling Hide’s ribcage and harsh breathing. At last his simply pressed his palm against Hide’s warm scar and felt his breathing and heart beat.

_Alive_.

Hide’s hand wrapped around Kaneki’s wrist, holding his hand there.

Kaneki leaned forward and brought his arms around Hide’s malnourished form, once against resting his face against Hide’s legs.

“You’re alive,” he choked out.

Hide nodded. “I am.”

Kaneki forced himself to look up so he could drink in every feature of Hide’s appearance, the sudden remembrance that he was going blind making his stomach drop. He reached his hands up and pressed them to either side of Hide’s face, stroking his skin, his own eyes drifting across every feature, drinking in the details.

“Hide...” Kaneki started, feeling as if he should say something despite the words being nothing but a jumbled mix in his head. “I’m...” He swallowed.

Hide reached forward, resting one hand on the side of Kaneki’s head, brushing his thumb under Kaneki’s eye. “I can see it,” he whispered. “Your eyes... They’re not... what they should be.”

Kaneki ran his fingers through Hide’s grimy hair, wanting to get rid of the dirt so he could see its brilliant gold -- he wanted to see it once more before he never saw anything again.

His eyes slid back to the scar and Kaneki was reminded of how hurt Hide was, how urgently he required medical attention. With great reluctance, he forced himself to his feet and drew his hands away from the other boy.

“There... should be ambulances outside.” He held a hand out. “You need help.”

Hide was motionless for a moment more before he took the offered hand, standing shakily to his feet. When his knees buckled, Kaneki caught him.

Hide gave a dry laugh. “Can’t say I’m in the best shape, can I?”

Kaneki didn’t reply, but he felt his face tighten in anger that Hide had to be like this. He gripped Hide’s arms tighter as he got Hide back on his feet. Together, the two shuffled out of the room.

* * *

Hide glanced back once as they exited, his hands clenching Kaneki’s shirt more for reassurance than balance.

He realized that what he had at first thought was his blood could not, in fact, all be his since there was just too much of it. It spiraled from the chair of torture around the floor like some kind of abstract painting or something out of a dream.

Hide turned back to the hallway before him, knowing that he didn’t need to linger on the sight any longer than necessary since everything that had happened in the past week would haunt his dreams for months to come.

* * *

Kaneki helped Hide until they were just outside. The remnants of fighting echoed through the buildings, but in their little doorway the world was quiet. Kaneki’s heart was beginning to hammer, because he knew he had to let Hide go so he could get medical help, and as much as Kaneki wanted to accompany him, there would be policemen who would want to arrest him on sight.

But he didn’t want to leave Hide’s side. Not just yet.

But, taking a shaky breath, Kaneki reluctantly pried himself away from the other.

“What are you doing?” Hide asked, his expression hidden by shadows.

Kaneki swallowed. “I can’t go any further.”

Hide was silent for a long moment before nodding. “But... Will I see you again?”

The truth pulled itself from Kaneki’s mouth a lot quicker than he wanted. “No.”

Even in the darkness, the pain that crossed Hide’s face was obvious and it broke Kaneki’s heart.

And then he did something he immediately regretted: he turned and walked away.

“Kaneki?”

Kaneki bit down on his finger to keep from responding.

“Kaneki!”

He rounded the building and he didn’t hear Hide call for him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FEAR NOT THIS IS NOT THE END  
> btw my beta reader is awesome so give him a round of applause


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF KAY BYE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohmygod you guys i cant your comments are way too sweet i literally fell on the floor and my roommate asked if everything was okay and i said "IT'S NOT"  
> but seriously you guys made my first week of college bearable i love all of you :D

Hide was discharged from the hospital two weeks later after multiple police interviews, sessions with several therapists, and testing a couple different medications for depression, PTSD, and infections. It was determined he was relatively unharmed physically save the massive scar adorning his chest -- it was his mental state that had doctors worried.

It wasn’t that Hide didn’t appreciate the therapists sent to see him, he simply didn’t want to talk to them about what had happened . The police could piece together what torture techniques had been used on him based on his scars and the tools they had found in the Shanghaier’s layer; they didn’t need Hide to reiterate what they already knew.

The people who spoke to him figured out easily enough that there was something more than just the torture that was haunting him. Hide had tried his best to keep Kaneki’s name out of his head, but on the third day of hospitalization he woke from a nightmare shouting Kaneki’s name.

The following day the second therapist asked who Kaneki was. At that, Hide clammed up and didn’t speak to anyone for hours, frightening the doctors looking after him.

When he was finally discharged, Hide was prescribed three medications: one for anxiety, one for sleeping, and one for infections. He was deemed “perfectly healthy, just suffering some PTSD.”

When Hide arrived home, the bandages around his chest and abdomen were itching and he felt exhausted. As he unlocked the door, his next door neighbor, Shinohara, stepped out to pat his shoulder, apologize, and say something nice. Hide couldn’t exactly remember what was said to him, but he thanked Shinohara before escaping from the interaction.

Stepping into his apartment felt strange, as if he were stepping into the wrong home. It was just as he had left it three weeks ago: unkempt, school papers scattered about, a couple dishes left in the sink... the only difference was his landline blinking angrily at him with fifty-three missed calls and a neat pile of a shirt and pants.

Hide dropped the bag with his meds and hospital clothes on the ground and shuffled over to the bed, staring blankly down at it before falling forward, landing on his stomach on the dusty blanket. Pain momentarily vibrated from his chest through his limbs, but he was too tired to be bothered by it.

He turned his head to stare at the space between himself and the wall, remembering the time he had woken up to Kaneki bathed in morning light. Remembering the way the sun had filtered through his raven hair like an illusion. Remembering how he had looked like someone out of a movie or a mystery novel.

Hide’s hand curled into the blanket and he turned away, not wanting to think about Kaneki’s retreating back. Simultaneously, the images of black-haired Kaneki and the white-haired him drifted to mind, each a separate person, each someone -

Hide shut the thought down and sat up, rubbing his face.

“I need a shower,” he muttered into the silence, hauling himself to his feet and heading to the bathroom. He flicked on a light, chased a spider from the tub, and undressed, consciously not looking in the mirror so he wouldn’t have to see the scar.

He wasn’t ready to face that yet.

He wasn’t ready to face a lot of things yet.

_But if I wasn’t alone..._

He slammed the faucet on harder than needed, his face contorting as he fought tears, once again the image of Kaneki’s retreating back surfacing, bringing with it a flood of sadness, anger, and longing.

_Longing?_

Hide sunk to his knees, gripping the edge of the tub, as he cursed himself, the Shanghaier, even the police for not getting there in time, and at last Kaneki.

“I hate you,” he muttered, hitting his fist against the rim of the tub. “I hate you... I hate you...”

_I love you._

* * *

Touka slammed the door open, revealing a completely dark room despite it being one in the afternoon. “It’s your turn to help out downstairs! Your pity party is over, get to work!”

Kaneki slowly lifted his head from the desk where he had fallen asleep early that morning after not sleeping the previous night. Touka couldn’t tell whether Kaneki’s puffy eyes were from crying or staying up super late.

“Must I?” he croaked, voice dry.

Touka gave him a pitying look as she walked over, pulling the blinds to let the bright sunlight flood in, though this invoked no reaction from Kaneki.

“Yes!” she exclaimed. “We’ve let you sit on your ass for two weeks now, now it’s time to _do_ something productive with your life.”

“I helped out yesterday evening...”

Touka sighed, crossing her arms and observing the pathetic creature before her that was actually a legendary serial killer.

“You need to go see him.”

Kaneki actually had the audacity to reply, “Who?”

Touka gritted her teeth. She admitted to herself that, since she had only gotten four hours of sleep last night, she was being a little too harsh on him. But it wasn’t only her that was bothered, it was clear Koma and Yomo were worried about Kaneki’s state. All she knew from what had happened that night was that after Koma had been shot, Kaneki had ditched Yomo in search of Yamori. Yomo found Kaneki hours later lying down on a park bench five miles away, covered in blood and fast asleep.

Since then, Kaneki had spoken very little, so the group had to piece together what had happened based on the news reports. They all discovered that the one Kaneki had been worried about was Hideyoshi Nagachika, a sophomore med student. Nagachika, Chie Hori, Yoriko, and one other none of them knew were all brought to the hospital. Only Tsukiyama’s friend, Chie Hori, had to be put into intensive care. Several days after the incident, Tsukiyama paid Anteiku a visit to tell them that Chie was bedridden and would never walk again after what had happened to her knees.

The four of them were the only survivors.

About a week after that Ayato had barged into the cafe in the middle of rush hour, dragged Touka and Koma aside, and told them Rize Kamishiro was missing as was most of Yamori.

 **_“What do you mean, ‘most’ of him was missing?”_ ** _Touka demanded._

 _Ayato shrugged._ **_“I mean they only found, like, twelve-percent of him or something. I overheard some policeman talking about it when I was taking a piss.”_ **

**_“So where’s the rest of him?”_ ** _Koma asked._

 _Ayato shrugged again._ **_“Just... missing. I think the rest of him might be in the same place as Rize, cause no one can find her either.”_ **

**_“Probably sipping tequila in Malibu or something,”_ ** _Touka muttered._

Rize’s kidnapping apparently did not appear in the police reports until two weeks after the ordeal, meaning a total of eight had been kidnapped.

Touka walked forward and placed a hand on Kaneki’s shoulder. “Listen,” she began in a calmer voice, “you need to get out of here. When you’re not helping out in the cafe, you’re just up here laying around. You haven’t gone home in weeks; you haven’t even had a little bit of sunlight. You look ill.”

“Thanks for the mothering, but I’m fine,” Kaneki replied, sitting up and brushing her hand away.

She frowned at the back of his head. “Then at least go out and get groceries, we’re low on sugar and honey. Yoshimura will even give you the money straight up. Stop at a restaurant on your way back. Just... _please_ , get out of here.”

Kaneki was silent for a long while before he reluctantly agreed, “Fine.”

Touka kept a hawk’s eye on him as he stood, put his shoes on -- velcro ones Koma had bought for him. “Who’s gonna show me to the store?” he quietly inquired.

Touka thought for a moment before answering. “Ayato.”

“I’m pretty sure he hates me right now.”

“He doesn’t hate you.” She paused. “Okay, maybe a little, but he’ll be willing to go with you.”

Kaneki sighed and said nothing more, only grabbing his walking stick and working his way out of the room and towards the stairs.

As Touka followed him, she wondered what it would it be like to be blind after being able to see perfectly for the past nineteen years of your life. In her opinion he was handling it well.

When they reached the main floor of the cafe, she sidled past him and dragged Ayato away from where he was lounging behind the bar. He groaned when she pushed him to his feet.

“What now?” he droned.

“Help Kaneki get groceries.”

“So the hermit is finally out of his cave, huh?”

“Don’t be rude.” She glanced at Kaneki who now found himself in a conversation with Irimi. Making sure he couldn’t hear her, she turned back to Ayato and added, “And take him to Nagachika’s place. Make it subtle though, like tell him you’re taking him to a restaurant or something.”

“You’re lucky I even know where this Nagachika’s place is,” Ayato grumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Fine, I see what you’re getting at.”

“Good. Ask Yoshimura for money and get going, I’ll cover your shift.” She glanced at where he had been sitting. “Or whatever it was you were doing.”

Ayato cursed her as he headed to the back room to find the manager. Left alone for a moment, Touka looked to Kaneki’s unsmiling and somber expression, sadness pulling at her heart. At one point in the past, she imagined him getting this distraught if something happened to her. She supposed she had been in love with him at one point.

 _Him, singularly?_ No, it was clear there were two sides to Kaneki, and she had been in love with the black-haired him and only respected the white-haired him. She had given up on her feelings some time ago, understanding that there was no way she could love him for himself if she only felt affection for one side of him.

When it came to love, there was the unstated rule of “all or nothing.”

As Ayato returned, Touka turned away and asked Koma for instructions for whatever her brother had been doing and effectively let her past memories slip from mind.

* * *

Ayato filled the silence -- otherwise only interrupted by the tapping of Kaneki’s cane -- with endless complaining that Kaneki knew was mostly for his own benefit, giving him something to focus on that wasn’t his thoughts. For the most part it worked, but when Ayato even remotely mentioned that night three weeks ago when they infiltrated Yamori’s hideout, Kaneki broke out in a cold sweat and felt nauseous.

_It was very quiet. Almost too quiet. Ragged breathing and dripping blood were the only sounds that resonated through the room. His hands were shaking while the rest of him remained still as stone. He was panicking, his mind lost to something else..._

**_“Yamori?”_ ** _he whispered, his voice distressed._ **_“Where did you go?”_ **

_Only two were left in the room, himself and the one strapped to the chair -- but in that moment he didn’t know who he was let alone the other person, the only name he could think of that was important was ‘Yamori.’_

_He needed Yamori to be there, because whoever Yamori was he was giving himself a sense of presence, a sense that his existence was needed in the world, a sense of purpose; but Yamori wasn’t there anymore, so did that mean he himself wasn’t there anymore either?_

_But he was there and Yamori was not -- what did that make him?_

**_“Yamori where did you go?!”_ ** _he shouted._

_He started walking forward, wading through blood and other bodily fluids, his feet stepping on and breaking soft bags of human organs, spilling their contents while shards of bones cracked under his steps. He didn’t look down, only walked in circles, wondering what was so satisfying about making each part of this human’s carcass indiscernible from the next, creating some kind of grotesque conglomeration of body parts and organs._

Kaneki couldn’t remember everything that had happened, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Once he and Ayato had gotten the groceries, Ayato insisted they go out to eat at some fast food Chinese place -- any would do, he just wanted food. Again, Kaneki assumed this was more of his own benefit than to satisfy Ayato’s hunger.

When they got to a fast-food place, nostalgia ripped itself through Kaneki’s chest.

**_“Hope you like chicken fried rice, ‘cause that’s what I ordered for you. Also some wonton soup.”_ **

“Kaneki you look like you’re about to cry,” Ayato said, concern lacing his voice.

Kaneki brought a hand to his face. “I’m... I’m fine.”

They ordered food, chicken lo mein for Kaneki and just beef teriyaki for Ayato. As they sat down and Kaneki made stabbing motions with his fork as he ate, memories of Hide’s apartment and conversations with Hide and Hide in general closed his throat and he stopped eating after a couple minutes.

Ayato sighed and slammed his own fork down. “Okay, I was advised to keep my mouth shut, but you are pissing me off right now. Look, all you’ve been doing is moping around like a lost puppy, but not in the cute way, more like ‘I want to kick you’ way or ‘I want to push you into a puddle’ kind of way. But since you’re a human not a puppy I mean ‘I want to shove you in a muddy lake’.” The table squeaked at Ayato leaned forward. “So what we’re gonna do is we’re gonna get take home dishes and you’re going to Nagachika’s house right now.”

Kaneki’s stomach dropped. “I don’t need to - ”

“Oh we all know, including yourself, that you _need_ to,” Ayato interrupted, reaching over to slid Kaneki’s meal away from him. “Now sit here for two minutes and then we’ll get going.”

Kaneki obeyed, not because he wanted to, but because he knew there was no way of getting out of there subtly. In the past, maybe, but not now.

When Ayato returned, he pulled Kaneki reluctantly to his feet and the two set off. Now, Ayato kept a firm hand on Kaneki’s arm to make sure he didn’t try anything. With the extra guidance, Kaneki didn’t need to completely rely on the cane.

The first thing Kaneki registered was the scent, a cool breeze of fresh brownies and flowers. Something must have showed on his face, because Ayato said, “Seems someone’s baking on the first floor.”

Neither said anything more. When they started climbing the stairs, Kaneki’s heart began hammering, the beat resonating from his chest to his mind. Warmth prickled over his skin and worry knotted in his stomach. When they stopped and Ayato turned Kaneki to face the door, he felt like his knees would buckle.

Ayato did the honors of knocking. After a long pause he knocked again, harder this time. After another long pause the door finally swung open a new scent drifted out, one of coffee and dish soap and refreshing warmth.

Time slowed for Kaneki, though the encounter couldn’t have lasted more than a couple seconds. Not even Ayato got a chance to speak before there was a quiet, surprised cry and the door slammed shut.

Now Kaneki’s knees did buckle and he stumbled backwards, landing painfully with his back against the railing, sliding to the ground, clutching his chest.

“Jesus christ, that was rude,” Ayato snapped from above, giving the door an angry kick. “I know he’s a victim of trauma but he doesn’t have to be so spiny about it.”

“It’s clear he doesn’t want us here,” Kaneki said, his voice sounding far away. “Let’s just leave.”

“Nuh uh! I dragged your ass all the way here so we not leaving until you have some conversation to fix this mess.”

“Ayato, please - ”

“I am having _none_ of it right now!” Ayato started pounding on the door. “I will break this motherfucking door down if you don’t open it right now! Christ, I’m not the mafia and you know my pathetic friend here, so open up!”

Kaneki only lowered his head to his hands, wishing he wasn’t here right now.

Finally the pounding ceased and the door opened, though nothing but silence followed. Ayato stepped back and hauled Kaneki to his feet, made sure he was standing, muttered curses under his breath, and left.

Kaneki stood there awkwardly, his fingers curling and uncurling as he wished he could see. He wanted to know what expression Hide had right now.

Kaneki had told Hide they would never meet again, yet here they were.

 _I can’t keep any promises,_ he thought, though he wasn’t entirely sure he fully regretted breaking this one.

At last, Hide spoke. “What are you doing here?”

 _A question I’m asking myself._ Kaneki swallowed. His mouth formed the beginning of a word but he couldn’t find his voice. A faint ringing started up in his ears and his sense of balance felt like it was about to fail him.

Afraid he was about to fall, Kaneki’s hand shot out for anything to brace himself. What it landed on was Hide’s shirt. He tried to catch himself, but he fell to his knees, still holding the soft fabric. From the tension, it seemed Hide was still standing, though now his hand was clamped around Kaneki’s arm.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Kaneki whispered, at least he thought he whispered it. Why was he being so weak now? Why _now_?

Hide helped Kaneki regain his footing before saying, “Why don’t you come inside. Or something.”

Dread was broiling in Kaneki’s stomach, but he was thankful for the offer. Once Hide had let him go, he knelt and felt around for his cane. Once he found it, he got back to his feet and shuffled inside.

He stood awkwardly in the doorway, unsure of where to go. A soft breeze wafted through the room so she suspected Hide had a window open. Hide stepped around Kaneki after shutting the door and walked into the room, saying nothing.

Kaneki realized the silence hurt.

“Hide - ”

“Why are you here?”

Kaneki looked down, tightly gripping the top of his cane. “I don’t know.”

Hide snorted. “You seem to know everything else.”

“What?”

* * *

“What?”

Hide gritted his teeth. “You knew what would happen to me, you knew where I would be, you even knew the _fucking_ guy who did all these things.” _What am I saying?_ “And then you said we would never see each other again, but here we are: me, a day out of the hospital, and you, blind as a bat.” He swallowed and turned away, not wanting to look at Kaneki’s pained expression. “I thought you...”

Kaneki was silent for a long moment before asking, “You thought what?”

Hide balled his hands into fists. “Why would you want to know?”

“Because you started the conversation,” Kaneki replied indignantly, voice raising slightly.

Alien feelings bubbled up inside him. Until now he had prided himself with never getting angry and never raising his voice, generally staying happy.

Whirling around, Hide exclaimed, “You’re so confusing! Back there, in the basement, you - !” His face warmed. “You... you _kissed_ me! And then five minutes later you say we’ll never meet again? Are other’s feelings just a game to you?!”

Kaneki’s hands were so tight on the grip of the cane his knuckles were white. “Of course your feelings aren’t a game! I was worried sick about you the entire time! I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat, I even went to enemies for help! You’re the only one - !” He cut off.

“What? I’m the only one what?” Hide demanded.

Kaneki swallowed as red crept up his face. He finished quietly, “You’re the only one I’ve ever done that for.”

Hide stormed forward and grabbed either side of Kaneki’s head, forcing their eyes to meet, though Kaneki’s were nothing more than clouds. Hide stared angrily into Kaneki’s face as words rose and died one after another on his tongue. He pressed his fingers against Kaneki’s skull in his ire, a part of him wanting to hurt Kaneki as he had been hurt, but -

**_“How nice to see you so soon.”_ **

**_“Get away from him.”_ **

**_“I don’t think so, you know how much I love my toys and how I don’t like sharing.”_ **

No, Kaneki had known the Shanghaier, probably had gone through the same if not worse torture, Kaneki knew all too well what it meant to be hurt.

Suddenly shameful of his rage, Hide relaxed his hands and rested his forehead against Kaneki’s.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, strength slowly draining from his legs as fatigue took over.

Kaneki’s hands came to rest on Hide’s forearms. “It’s okay. We’re home.” He took a shaky breath before repeating, quieter, “We’re home.”

* * *

Even though it was nearly three in the afternoon, Hide guided Kaneki to the bed where they lay, feeling drained from the emotional argument. Rather than laying side by side, Kaneki immediately pressed himself against Hide, wanting to feel the other’s warmth and beating heart. It may have been childish, but in that moment Kaneki needed to remind himself every second that Hide was alive and well.

_Alive and well._

Sometimes Hide would gently break the silence with a soft, murmuring comment, his chest vibrating against Kaneki’s cheek. After a couple hours they drifted into a light sleep, a warm breeze wafting through the window and washing over them. Content with his thoughts, Kaneki decided that the summer wind, neither hot nor humid, smelled much like Hide.

Kaneki awoke to Hide shivering. When he reached his hand to Hide’s cheek, he found it covered in a cold sweat. Kaneki quickly shook the other boy awake, who quickly apologized, trying and failing to hide the panic lacing his voice.

“Was it... a flashback?” Kaneki inquired quietly, his hand searching for Hide’s.

Hide gave a shaky laugh. “Y-yeah.”

Their fingers intertwined. Without releasing their hands, the two repositioned so Kaneki was more on top of Hide, his head resting against the other’s heart.

_Alive._

* * *

_Kaneki re-entered the old greenhouse, his fingers itching to hold something, preferably his guns, but he was willing to compromise at this point. He was trying desperately to regather the shattered pieces of his mind scattered throughout his brain -- the fact that his emotions were just as broken was not helping him do this. Thus, he filled the encroaching silence with a quiet hum._

_y... o... u... r... ... l... o... s... s..._

_He finally knew where the voice was coming from. It wasn’t from Yamori; no this voice was affiliated with the “therapeutic treatment” he received after from one Rize Kamishiro._

_Back on the basement floor, Kaneki approached the first of three closed doors. Lifting the rusty, iron bar, he forced it open on old hinges. In the tiny space were huddled two carcasses, each clinging to the other by strings of muscle and flesh, likely having died that way. Along their arms and faces the flayed skin looked similar, as if those places had been wounded at the same time. Blood smeared the walls and floor around the two, androgynous corpses. Likely following their death, both their eyes had been brutally carved out to leave ominous holes that stared at Kaneki no matter the angle from which he looked._

_He let that room be, turning to the next closed door. The victims kept down here, Kaneki remembered, as been Yamori’s “special” playthings, those whose survival rate was zero-percent._

_Opening the second door, he suspected the victim had been nailed to the wall based on the massive blood stain painted between two detached arms, nails driven through the palms. The torso had fallen and was slumped on the floor, the bone structure supporting what was left of the skin. The insides of the torso had been carefully removed and set up in a row in the middle of the room, a couple fingers laid out to point at them. The legs and head were missing._

_Behind the third door was the one he was looking for._

_Chains were cuffed to her wrists and attached to the ceiling, suspending her so that her knees hovered above the ground -- at least, that’s what Kaneki assumed had the parts of her legs still been discernible. One leg from the knee down was nothing but spaghetti tissue, the other severed entirely and laying a couple feet away._

_She was completely nude, hair matted with grime and blood, one eye gouged, half of her left breast cut away and cauterized. Despite the dirt covering her skin, Kaneki could still clearly make out the one scar that had not been put there by Yamori. Hunger shrinking her frame, Kaneki could easily count her ribs and pick out the bottom left one missing, a souvenir he still had._

_Her parched lips parted, the movement causing her to body to sway ever so slightly. Blood dribbled from her mouth as she rasped,_ **_“He...lp... m....me...”_ **

_Kaneki gazed upon the sight for a moment longer before turning away, knowing she would be dead in minutes based on the amount of blood still dripping from her wound -- clearly the job had been recent, perhaps only half an hour ago. He left, planning on never seeing her again._

* * *

_Some time later, her body was discovered by Yomo, who took her away, knowing the voice she had given Kaneki would be needed once more._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cries thinking about writing more of this*  
> also more thanks to my beta reader he's still awesome


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidekane more like Kanehide amiright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember the rating M for mature?? yeah? okay, proceed  
> i had like 4 people edit this so if it's good please give them a round of applause  
> also sorry this chapter took so long to get out I fell int Iwaoi HELL so here's a bonus: this chapter is like 8k words long which is twice as long as my normal chapters so yay!

Hide admitted to himself in the middle of the night that he was in love with Kaneki. He knew the feelings had to be valid, after everything that had happened. Kaneki had saved him -- though he often wondered about the gap in time between when Kaneki had arrived and when Hide’s blindfold had been removed. It wasn’t a gap, per se, because Hide could remember the voices and the curses and the sounds of gushing blood -- he simply didn’t care. He had known from the moment he first met Kaneki that falling in love with him met his love had to encompass all aspects of who Kaneki was.

Waking up when the first streaks of gray were breaching the horizon, Hide found himself a tangle of arms and legs with Kaneki. He felt his heart accelerate at the intimate image before him, and less pure thoughts rose to his mind. Kaneki was always touching him, surely that meant Hide’s feelings were reciprocated?

His stomach growled and he reluctantly pulled himself away, stepping on the chilled floor.  Summer was coming to a close as the days ceased being so unbearably hot. Slipping a sweater over his t-shirt, Hide walked over to the little kitchen and dug around for any food that might still be edible.

What he found as a lot of spoiled fruit and milk, leaving nothing but a box of stale cheerios for breakfast. Sighing, he dumped the bad food in the equally foul smelling trash can and hauled the thing outside, down the stairs, and into the apartment complex’s trash collection. Yesterday, the smell had been covered by dish soap; now, with the trash gone, the place would surely smell a whole lot better.

When Hide opened the door, he was immediately knocked back by Kaneki barreling into him. The two fell back, Hide ramming his head on the railing. With Hide’s sore back pressed against it, Kaneki’s legs fell to either side of Hide’s own so that Kaneki practically sat in his lap.

“Whoa, what was that for - ” Hide started.

“Don’t leave again!” Kaneki exclaimed, his fists curling into Hide’s sweater. “I thought... I thought you... I thought something bad had happened...” His words were choked, tumbling out as if he were forcing them into coherent sentences. “And I don’t want that... to ever happen...”

Hide’s shocked expression softened into a smile and he placed his arms around Kaneki, resting his head against the his own shoulder. “Okay, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”

Not that he would ever want to, anyway.

* * *

Kaneki admitted to himself the following morning that he was not in love with Hide. He wasn’t entirely sure how he felt, but he _was_ certain it wasn’t anything romantic. To him, Hide was like a saving grace, someone who had not seen him as a monster. Kaneki had been fully prepared to never see Hide ever again, but that was before Hide had been kidnapped. Mostly, Kaneki saved Hide because he didn’t want Hide to go through the same things he had; but it had also been because Yamori had at last revealed his face and Kaneki was ready to repay old debts.

_Kaneki slowly reached his hand down, easing his fingers between the split flesh and into the soft gore hidden below. Blood rose and spilled quietly over the edges, its warmth surprising. His fingers wrapped around something soft and he pulled, dragging a loop of intestines through the hole, cruor spilling out with it._

_Handling the intestine delicately, Kaneki lifted it to his nose, sniffing it in curiously._

The butter knife Kaneki was holding tumbled from his grip, startling himself and Hide. Almost immediately Hide started laughing as he bent over to pick it up. “Honestly, Kaneki, your head’s in the clouds.”

“I think I just lost my appetite,” Kaneki said, bringing a hand to his mouth, his mind insisting that the cream cheese, if only for a moment, had smelled like blood. _Impossible_.

The pout that was on Hide’s face was evident in his voice as well. “But you haven’t eaten anything at all.”

Kaneki hesitated for a moment, realized he was quite hungry, and shakily raised the bagel to his mouth, sinking his teeth into the untoasted bread, cream cheese squeezing between his teeth. The bite liquified in his mouth, turning into soft, broken mucosa, his teeth nipping where they pierced and met through the flesh, hitting the empty space between -

Kaneki stumbled to the side, retching the bagel to the floor as hard coughs shook his chest, tearing at his throat. Behind the darkness of his eyes he saw the scene all too clearly.

_What scene?_

“Kaneki!” Hide exclaimed, jumping to his feet judging by the sound of the chair being knocked over. “Are you - never mind, come here, come here.” Hide placed either hand firmly on Kaneki’s upper arms and hurriedly guided him away from the kitchen. “Here, the toilet is right in front of you,” Hide said calmly, the voice itself tranquilizing. Kaneki half-collapsed to his knees, hanging his head over the bowl, hands gripping the cold ceramic as his stomach tried to force out contents that weren’t there.

Meanwhile, Hide gently stroked Kaneki’s hair away from his face, murmuring soft words that Kaneki couldn’t hear. After several minutes of heavy breathing Kaneki’s panic subsided to convulsed shivers. He leaned back and Hide caught him against his own chest, gentle hands rubbing Kaneki’s tense muscles. Kaneki continued to choke on his thoughts, trying with all his might to simply lose himself in Hide’s embrace.

_Hands sunk into the pools of blood, the rivers of red climbing up his arms, dragging him down. He let out one strangled cry before his vision was consumed by redness followed by darkness._

“Hide,” he gasped, pressing his face against Hide’s chest, focusing on his beating heart. “Don’t... don’t leave me.”

Hide gently kissed the top of Kaneki’s head, the gesture like a priest's purifying blessing.

“I won’t.”

* * *

A week passed.

Two weeks.

Nothing changed.

Hide was happy, Kaneki was happy, but an awkwardness divided them. Hide was hesitant whenever he was around Kaneki, often flinching away from the other’s touch -- thus Kaneki, who needed constant reassurance Hide was there and alive, found himself trapped between forcing himself away from Hide and wanting to touch him even more.

At first Hide wasn’t sure why he shied away, but then he realized it was combination of two things:

One, he was helplessly in love with Kaneki and desired, with a passion that almost hurt him, to touch and kiss and feel Kaneki around him to a point where it almost drove him mad; and two, he discovered that Kaneki was not in love with him.

These feelings swirled inside Hide, creating a torture almost on par with what Yamori had put him through. The tension clenched his chest and made it hard to breathe, turned his tongue to sand and made words thick and immovable in his mouth. When he thought about it at length he grew dizzy with confusion and fear and needed to leave the room -- but he always had to calm down within five minutes or else Kaneki would panic, and the terror Hide would see on Kaneki’s face was always worse than his own, selfish feelings.

Hide needed a break. He needed a chance to catch his breath. He needed a moment to be alone where the thoughts of Kaneki’s skin covered in a thin layer of sweat -- lips soft and grazing over Hide’s, hands tangled in hair creating faint sparks of pain, and legs quivering atop bed sheets as he clenched around Hide’s fingers -- weren’t so powerfully guilty every time Hide watched Kaneki change his shirt.

But where could Hide go? He hadn’t talked to Akira about going back to work and hadn’t emailed any of his teachers about re-enrolling in school. Takizawa had called a couple times, and his nextdoor neighbor, Shinohara, had stopped by once with cake -- other than that, Hide hadn’t had any human contact besides Kaneki.

Kaneki, on the other hand, noticed and drunk in all of Hide’s reactions to his words and gestures. Even though Kaneki was blind, nearly nothing was hidden from him, a skill he had perfected during his career of crime. Now, he felt he was putting it to good use as he slowly solidified the idea that something was bothering Hide. Afraid Kaneki was about to lose him again -- a small worry that had eaten its way into Kaneki’s mind -- he urged himself even closer to Hide, holding onto a corner of the other’s shirt as Hide did the dishes, sitting with their shoulders touching as they ate meals, falling asleep in Hide’s lap when they lounged on the floor or bed, even going as far as to demand they bathe together. But the more he pushed, the more Hide seemed to try to squirm away.

It was becoming a problem. Both boys were antsy with words growing and dying on their tongues in a matter of moments, each always thinking, _I have to say something... but will he listen?_

Their break came on Tuesday in the third week since Hide’s release from the hospital. Someone knocked on the door around one-thirty in the afternoon. The two were on the floor, Hide resting against the bed as Kaneki leaned against his side. Hide was reading aloud ‘The Old Man And The Sea’ by Ernest Hemingway. Kaneki was hesitant to let Hide answer the door, grabbing his shirt, but Hide gently pried Kaneki’s fingers away and stood, padding across the floor and looking through the peephole.

On the other side were two, tall men, one who looked vaguely familiar and the other one Hide had never seen before. Not feeling threatened by their presence, Hide unbolted the door and swung it open.

The first man, black hair hanging around one side of his face as part of his scalp was shaved, sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose, dressed all in black despite the seventy-degree (fahrenheit) weather, waved happily. His pale skin was marked with multiple tattoos, which seemed to enunciate his slim frame.

“Hello~” he sang, moving past Hide uninvited. “Wow, what a tiny place.”

Hide gave the man an incredulous look before turning to the other man. He was tall, broad-shouldered, and looked like he could crack a man’s skull between his hands. His strange, white hair fell in slight waves around his ears and his face was deadpan.

“Can I help you guys?” Hide asked, motioning the silent man in, closing the door behind him.

But the first man was already kneeling in front of Kaneki, poking his forehead. “Woooow, you really are as blind as Touka was saying, isn’t that a pity?”

Kaneki batted the man’s hand away. “What do you want, Uta?”

 _Uta..._ Realization dawned across Hide’s face. “You’re the one from the weird shop below the club!”

Uta turned to him, grinning and splaying his fingers out, wiggling them. “That’s me!” He stood only to sit down on the bed a second later. “Ooh, not very comfortable, how do you guys do it?”

Hide frowned. “Do what?”

“You know~” Uta made a circle with his thumb and pointer finger on one hand and put a finger on his other hand through it, moving it back and forth.

Hide stared at it a moment before his face bloomed red. “N-no. No no no, we don’t... Not that... That’s not...” He clamped his mouth shut as Uta burst out laughing. Kaneki moved his blank eyes between the two, confusion clear on his face.

The other man sighed. “Uta,” he said evenly.

Kaneki perked up. “Yomo’s here too?”

“Yes, we’re here to take you two out of your love nest,” Uta said, tapping his fingers together. “The manager thought you two could use some... fresh air.” He winked at Hide who felt his face heat up again. “Also Kaneki has people to talk to whom he’s been ignoring the past two weeks. So!” Uta jumped to his feet and took Hide’s hands, bringing their faces level. “I’m going to take you shopping!”

There was a long pause before Hide and Kaneki said in unison, “ _What_?”

Kaneki scrambled to his feet and almost vaulted face first back to the floor. He stumbled towards Hide, catching himself on Hide’s arms. “No, no we’re fine,” he said hurriedly.

Uta _tsk_ -ed. “Nope, this is happening, it’s already been planned. You’re going with Yomo and I’m taking this little sunflower out!”

“Sunflower?” Hide asked over Kaneki’s panicked, “Absolutely not.”

Uta pouted at Kaneki’s stubborn expression. “Why not, my glum snowflake? Besides, I’m sure you two need to go shopping, as you’re probably all out of con - ”

“Sounds great!” Hide interrupted. “Let’s go now. Right now.” He started shoving Uta towards the door. “Weather is great, I’ve got some money, let’s go out.”

“Fine,” Kaneki started with a frown, “But I’m going with - ”

“Nuh uh uh!” Uta said sternly, dragging Kaneki away from Hide. “Manager’s orders, do something for the old man, wontcha?”

Kaneki growled something, a curse probably.

Uta clapped his hands. “Wonderful! Let’s go, sunflower.”

Ten minutes later, after more haggling with getting Kaneki to go in the other direction with Yomo, almost looking on the verge of tears at one point, Hide was walking down the road with Uta. Uta’s gait, Hide decided, could not be described as anything other than ‘a swagger.’

Once they were a good deal away from the apartment, Uta turned a wide grin to Hide. “So? How is he?”

Hide glanced at him with a skeptical expression. “How is who?”

“How good is Kaneki in bed?”

Hide nearly tripped, his feet tangling with one another. “Wh-what?” he gasped.

Uta gaped. “No? But you’ve been living with each other for over two weeks! You’re head over heels for him, he’s heels over head for you, so what are you waiting for?”

Hide glared. “He could be asexual for all I know.”

Uta waved his hand dismissively. “Kaneki is no virgin, though he’s also never been in a, should we say, _healthy_ relationship.”

“Oh.” Hide thought a moment more about his relationship with Kaneki before his face fell. “Also... I don’t think he feels... towards me...” He sighed, turning heavy eyes to the sidewalk. “I mean... he seems to enjoy touching me, but it never seems particularly... romantic.”

Uta nodded sympathetically. “Ah, I see. Well, that should be all fixed by tonight.”

“You think?”

Uta grinned. “I _know_.”

* * *

“Are you in love with Nagachika?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

Those were the only words Yomo and Kaneki exchanged on their way to Anteiku. Kaneki used his walking stick, but he still looped one arm around Yomo’s for direction.

When they arrived at the coffee shop -- closed for the afternoon based on the lack of ambient noise of conversation -- Kaneki received an attack hug from a small form. “Brother!” Hinami exclaimed. Kaneki dropped his walking stick to return the embrace happily.

Hinami and her parents, Ryouko and Asaki Fueguchi, had been abroad for her father’s medical work for the past six months, graciously returning after Yamori had been dealt with. Kaneki and Himani had bonded over their love of literature and had been his one, saving grace while she had been in town.

A tart voice from across room interrupted the reunion. “Long time no see,” Ayato said scornfully. “And I’m trying to be an asshole right now because I’ve heard a certain someone is still a virgin and for some reason that pisses me off.”

Kaneki frowned as he let Hinami go, though he still held her hand. Assuming Ayato was talking about Hide, though Kaneki wasn’t sure why he assumed that, he replied, “Why would you be mad at me that Hide’s still a virgin?”

“Oh my _god_.”

“Ayato, shut up,” Touka snapped.

Kaneki sighed. “What did the manager want to see me about?” He was already getting antsy and nervous being away from Hide, though holding Himani hand helped his nerves.

The scent hit him before the words did -- wine and roses -- and a familiar reluctance settled down among the butterflies jumping in Kaneki’s stomach.

“I asked him to summon you here,” Tsukiyama said from Kaneki’s left.

“ _Summon_?” Kaneki repeated.

“Mm, yes, but before we get to business, do I not receive a welcoming embrace?”

In response to that, Kaneki wrapped his arms around Hinami’s shoulders, pressing her back against his stomach. “Please... get to the point,” Kaneki demanded, trying to keep as much emotion out of his voice as possible.

It was clear Tsukiyama was disappointed by the tone of his voice, but he said nothing more on the matter. “Very well.” He cleared his throat and a tension fell over the room. “As you well know, Chie was one of Yamori’s victims. While she was there, she had Nagachika... became acquainted.”

“How?” Kaneki couldn’t help but ask.

There was a pause, then the _snap_ of a camera shutter. Kaneki’s head jerked forward, sightless eyes staring hard into the darkness before him. Someone else was here, someone who had not spoken a word.

“Chie?”

“Hi!” the girl said, strained happiness pulling at her voice. Realization then regret twisted Kaneki’s face, painfully even. In all his heated worry for Hide, he had all but forgotten about the others who had been kidnapped and tortured.

Kaneki reached forward. When his hand only felt air, he paused. A second later, a small, soft hand took his and guided it to a shoulder covered in wool. Slowly, kaneki knelt, his knees running into something metal, and moved his hands against the chin, down arms, and lightly over sitting legs covered by a blanket.

“A wheelchair,” he whispered hoarsely.

“She’ll never walk again,” Tsukiyama said gravely. “Her knees... The doctors say they’re beyond repair.”

“But we’re not here to talk about that, Shuu,” Chie said, dismissing the topic. She then addressed Kaneki directly. “I know it wasn’t Nagachika’s fault, in fact he did his utmost to save me.” Even as she said the happy words, there was a hoarse undertone of her voice that pained Kaneki. “And... I want to meet him. Thank him properly.”

Kaneki sucked in his breath. “That’s...” he began, blinking. “Are you sure?”

“It’s not your place to deny her,” Ayato sighed irritably. “Everyone just thought you should know, since you’re in love with him and all that.”

Kaneki heaved himself back to his feet. “Why does everyone keep - ”

“Because it’s true, dammit!” There was a sound of someone landing a jump, likely Ayato jumping from sitting on a table to the floor. “Jesus, I don’t even know why this bothers me so much, but it _does_. Maybe it’s because you ignored my sister for this bastard, maybe it’s because you made me dress like a girl. Fuck! I’m getting as worked up over this as Hinami does over her fictional characters.”

Kaneki gritted his teeth. Why did everyone think he was in love in Hide? Hide was the same to him as Hinami was -- a saving grace, someone who didn’t see him as a monster, someone who accepted both sides of him (though Himani didn’t know the full extent of that). When he heard Hide had been kidnapped it felt like his heart had been ripped from his chest, and he was sure that he would feel the same if anyone else went missing...

The realization hit him like a wall. His heart started beating like a caged rabbit. _If anyone else went missing..._ If Touka, or Hinami, or even Ayato or Nishio went missing, Kaneki would of course try to get them back, but would he lose multiple nights of sleep over it? Would he half-starve himself since he would be so caught up in work? Would he bear going to see Rize for information? Afterwards, would he need constant reassurance in the form of physical communication that any of them were still there and alive?

His heart rang in his ears, his blood pumping beneath his skin, head buzzing. He clutched his forehead as he gasped out, “Is that... what... love is?”

It had been so long he had forgotten. It had been so long since he had first met Eto in the library and discussed classic literature that it had all but vanished from memory. No, it hadn’t been long at all, but the days and nights of those blood-laced memories -- of needles and rotten food, of deep cuts oozing life, of pain so great he lapsed into a world of white flowers where his mother worked with her back to him, humming a lullaby -- had made the concept of love seem impossible.

Until Hide.

Kaneki couldn’t recall a time in his life he had so quickly wanted to protect someone.

He was always touching Hide because he needed to make sure Hide was still alive... Equally, he was always touching Hide because he _wanted to_.

Ayato was smirking, Kaneki could tell by his voice. “Well, look who finally realized it.”

A smile tugged at Kaneki’s lips, but it slipped away as Ayato’s earlier words repeated in his head. _“Maybe it’s because you ignored my sister for this bastard...”_

“Touka?” he called.

There was a long pause, then a soft, “Yes?”

Another smiled worked its way across his mouth, an apologetic one. “I’m sorry.”

He knew she knew what it was for. “It’s okay.” She gave a quiet laugh. “I’m happy for you. It’s good... seeing you happy.”

“He better damn well be,” Ayato sighed.

Hinami took Kaneki’s hand. “Um, brother?” she asked.

“Yeah?”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” She paused. “You’re smiling, but...”

It was a genuine smile, Kaneki knew. His paranoid worry for Hide had been replaced with a gentle longing that warmed his chest. “I’m... good.”

* * *

Uta dragged Hide into multiple stores and made him purchase increasingly embarrassing things. 

First were condoms. Hide could put up with that, no one ever questioned a guy buying condoms (though Hide had never done it), because apparently every guy just happened to have a stock of condoms for “whenever” (Uta iterated this by pulling one of his wallet and his back pocket -- Hide stopped him as he reached in his shoe).

Second was lube. Lube for sex, not tires, as Uta had to explain when Hide asked. Hide then received a long lecture about two men “doing the do” right in front of the poor cashier, and Hide wasn’t sure he had ever been more red in the face.

Third were sex toys, for “lonely nights” and “just in case.” (Hide just wanted to go home.)

Fourth was equipment for bondage. For Uta. Hide sighed in relief and felt like praying right there on the store floor surrounded by leather outfits and whips. With everything that he had done so far today, he wondered what Kaneki was doing.

The two walked awkwardly down the street towards the more touristy part of town while Hide carried one, paper bag and Uta carried a fucking briefcase. Or perhaps it was only awkward for Hide because he knew what was _in_ the briefcase.

“Please tell me we’re done,” Hide pleaded, sweaty palms constantly rearranging their hold on the bag.

“Almost,” Uta sang. “You gotta meet someone, and then you’ll be reunited with your lover so the two of you can make sweet, sweet - ”

“Can you please stop?” Hide all but begged.

Uta laughed.

“Are _you_ in a relationship?” Hide inquired, hoping to turn the tides of the embarrassing conversation.

“Hmm, what kind of relationship are you asking about?” Uta replied.

Hide turned away. “Never mind...”

Uta pulled him to a stop outside the entrance to the local zoo. Hide stared curiously up at the decorative, wrought iron gates. By now the afternoon had grown quite warm, but still not hot enough for someone to find themselves drowning in their own sweat. The cloudless sky wasn’t glaring down at everyone, instead offering a cool breeze that carried the scent of animals out onto the street.

“We’re going here?” Hide asked.

“No, _you’re_ going here. _I’m_ staying here and guarding our stuff.”

“Why?”

“You have someone to meet. Rather, someone who wants to meet you.”

“Who?”

“You’ll recognize who soon enough.” Uta dug a crumpled ticket out of his cardigan pocket. “Head to the giraffes’ area.”

Hide was hesitant with the vague instructions, but decided to go along anyway -- after all, it couldn’t be worse than the “shopping” he had already done. And either way, he did like giraffes.

He handed his bag off to Uta, who then waved him off, and made his way to the entrance, giving away his ticket in return for a blue stamp on his hand.

_I wonder if Kaneki likes zoos._

As he walked, hands in pockets, a small frown creeped up his face. _Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, Kaneki likes me too, as Uta said,_ he started, _then where would we go for dates? He’s blind, so it’s not like we could go to the zoo or movies. I suppose a restaurant could work, but not somewhere fancy -- I don’t think he would like those kinds of places anyway._ He paused in front of the flamingos. _What about a hands-on museum?_

All thoughts vanished when Hide came to the fence overlooking the giraffe pen. He froze mid-step as his eyes landed on the small figure in a wheelchair, dark hair combed, face melancholy, legs covered by a green and purple blanket.

From the news, he knew she was Chie Hori.

But from the torture sequences, he knew she was the one whose knees he had been unable to fix.

He wanted to turn and run, run back to Kaneki, forget that others had gone through that kind of experience, pretend it was just the two of them who suffered in the world, if only to not feel the guilt threatening to crush his stomach.

Before his mind could reorganize his thoughts, she turned large, brown eyes to him, a forced smiling pull at her lips. Hide gulped, panic settling in next to the regret. What if she blamed him?

She raised her hand, and Hide noticed a camera resting in her lap, her other hand covering it protectively. Swallowing, he walked towards her, legs stiff like wood.

When he was about two feet away, he stopped and looked down at her, trying to find within himself the motivation to smile, to say something comforting -- but nothing came to mind.

She pointed to the bench on the other side of her wheelchair, a place for weary tourists to rest their feet while they watched the giraffes nibble on leaves and prance around.

Hide took a seat on the wooden bench, resting his elbow on the iron armrest. The two gazed silently at the giraffes for a long moment before Chie finally spoke.

“Sorry for asking to see you so randomly.” Her voice was quiet, like a bird’s.

Hide shook his head. “It wasn’t a problem.” His eyes slid to her blanket-covered legs, then back. Guilt twisted his stomach. “How are... things?” He mentally slapped himself.

She cradled the camera. “Shuu gave me this as a get-well present.” Her face visibly fell and Hide squirmed. “But nothing... nothing is the same, is it?”

He knotted his hands together. “Are you mad at me?”

A laugh hissed between her lips. “No, of course not, in fact, I wanted to thank you.”

“What?”

She stroked the edge of the camera as she continued. “I mean, I’m going to miss a lot of things, and it will be hard being a photographer who’s not being able to walk.” She lifted the camera, peering through the viewfinder as she adjusted the lenses. A moment later she snapped a picture of a giraffe leaning especially close, so much so Hide believed he might be able to reach and touch it.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more,” Hide said, voice quiet.

She shook her head, lowering her hands again. “I wanted to meet you so I could ask that you not blame yourself for what happened to me -- because I know I don’t blame you.” Her smile was more real now, but it was still veiled with pain. “So, I guess what I’m saying, is that if you felt responsible for this at all... don’t.”

Hide swallowed. “And there’s no way...? To fix...?”

She shook her head, smile slipping away. “No.”

* * *

Kaneki and Tsukiyama were in the rabbit tent, sitting side by side on a bench while three rabbits crowded themselves on Kaneki’s lap. He gently stroked their backs and ears as Tsukiyama explained what each looked like.

“So...” Kaneki started, slowing his petting, “I have a question.”

“What would you like to know?” Tsukiyama asked as he took a sip of coffee.

“How do two men have sex?”

Tsukiyama choked on his coffee.

After coughing viciously for a moment, Tsukiyama asked, “Why do you ask, Kaneki Ken?”

His face warmed and he started greatly regretting asking. “Well... you see... I thought...”

Tsukiyama’s hand rested on Kaneki’s shoulder, his fingers curling against Kaneki’s neck. “If you’re curious, I can show you all the techniques.”

Kaneki brushed Tsukiyama’s hand away. “If that’s your answer I’ll just ask Uta.”

The other man sighed and Kaneki went back to petting the rabbits. “Kaneki, you’re a guy, you know how dicks work.”

“Yes. Carefully.”

“Not if your partner likes it rough.”

Kaneki paused. “I don’t know how he likes it.”

“How have you been treating him up until now?”

“Gently, I guess.”

“We’re talking about Nagachika, right?”

“...Yes.”

Tsukiyama hummed in thought before continuing. “He looks like the bondage type.”

“ _No_.”

“True, you can’t see, it won’t be as fun.”

“I’m blind but I can still punch you.”

“I would love to be punched by you.”

Kaneki connected two dots. “We’re talking about what Hide would like, not you.”

Tsukiyama sighed. “Very well. As Ayato said, this would be Nagachika’s first time, and since you’re the experienced one here, you’ll have to take the lead.” Kaneki felt him shrug. “Remember to prep him before entering, do it slowly so his ass doesn’t hurt after, wear protection, use anything for lube as long as it’s not a food topping or hand-sanitizer.”

Kanei grimaced. “Please tell me that’s not from personal experience.”

“Not the hand-sanitizer.”

“Gross.”

“And there’s still the problem that you’re blind.”

“I don’t see how that’s a problem.”

“How will you find his entrance? How will you angle everything correctly to make it feel good? How will you gaze upon his naked body and drink in his gorgeous abs?”

“Can you please stop? That’s really creepy.” Kaneki paused, then added, “You think his abs are gorgeous?”

Tsukiyama snickered. “If his face is anything to go by, I’d say yes.”

“I still have my hands.”

“Well, they do say blind people have increased touch sensitivity.”

“Increased... touch... sensitivity...” Kaneki slowly repeated, his mind playing before him an image of Hide’s hand gliding down his chest and stomach, trailing towards his inner thigh, stroking against the base of his cock towards his entrance and -

Suddenly, Kaneki’s body was threatening to turn him half hard.

Tsukiyama snickered again. “Ah, to think all it would take is returned love for you to lose that stony mask you wear all the time.”

“Jesus Christ, Tsukiyama.”

“No no, don’t mind me, but I do hope my advice has helped.”

“It hasn’t.”

A phone rang, playing _‘Born This Way’_ by Lady Gaga. Tsukiyama answered it. “Hello?” A long pause and Tsukiyama grew still. Kaneki ceased his petting of the rabbits and one of them wiggled its way from his lap. “I see. Yes we’re still where you left us. ... That shouldn’t be a problem. ... I’ll come get her in a couple minutes, thank you.” He hung up and addressed Kaneki once more. “It seems the meeting has been concluded. Uta has sent Nagachika over here, so I’ll leave you two... some space.” The smirk on his face was evident in his voice. “Remember what I said,” he sang.

Kaneki just waved him away, and gave a sigh of relief when he was gone.

He sat in quiet for a minute longer, listening to the ambient chatter outside, before he felt a warm presence sit beside him.

Almost immediately, Kaneki reached out for Hide’s hand, feeling his way down the other’s arm until he ran into Hide’s fingers, lacing them in his own. Hide gripped Kaneki’s hand in an almost urgent way, readjusting it every few seconds. He was clearly uncomfortable and Kaneki knew why.

“Are you okay?”

Hide took a long, deep breath. “Yes. No?” He paused. “She told me it’s not my fault and not to blame myself, but...” He took a shaky breath. “How can I not, ya know?”

Kaneki leaned towards him, resting his own forehead against Hide’s shoulder. “You should listen to her, it’s not your fault.”

“But it’s...” Hide trailed off, leaning into Kaneki’s touch. “It’s hard.”

Kaneki paused, then slowly raised his face, pressing his nose against Hide’s neck, his lips brushing the skin just under the other’s ear. Tentatively, waiting for a sign that Hide didn’t want this, Kaneki moved his head closer until their lips were millimeters apart, their breaths mingling. Kaneki’s heart was pounding in his ears and he was sure his face was more or less bright red. Heat was also pouring off Hide’s skin, but he still made no move to flinch away.

Kaneki closed the distance, their lips meeting in a soft kiss. Hide’s lips were wet and Kaneki tasted salt. _Tears._ Kaneki’s free hand creeped forward and gripped Hide’s shirt as he continued the kiss, urging it deeper, and Hide’s mouth opened to him. Kaneki felt a hand caressing his cheek and the other left his hand to move to his back. Kaneki leaned forward, wanting more, the warmth where Hide touched him spreading through his body in gentle, pleasurable waves.

Hide was the one to pull away, breath coming in faint pants. “We can’t,” he gasped. “Not here.”

Kaneki took a deep breath, realizing his own was coming in short bursts too. “Y-yeah.”

Hide stood, grabbing something based on the crinkle of paper, and Kaneki brushed the last rabbit from his lap. As he did so, Hide chuckled and said, “These rabbits are going to live a long time.”

“Why do you say that?” Kaneki inquired, reaching for Hide’s hand again.

“Because rabbits die if they’re alone too long. These ones are receiving lots of love.”

A smile pulled at Kaneki’s lips as he picked up his walking stick. “At least that doesn’t apply to humans.”

“I guess not.”

Hand in hand, they walked out of the zoo, entering back into the noise of the city. Kaneki clutched Hide’s arm, relying completely on the his patient walk back to the apartment.

The voices and car engines quieted. The scent of flowers and warm asphalt replaced the noise. As they neared the apartment, Kaneki’s heart started thumping again. The desire was so vivid he could almost physically feel it. Hide’s warm hands drifting up and down Kaneki’s back and thighs, fingers gently caressing the more sensitive parts of his body, the scent of sweat and heavy breaths hanging in the air as moans and whimpers and Kaneki’s name dripped from Hide’s lips and filled the corners of silence in the room.

They started climbing the stairs and Kaneki’s hands began to sweat. He nervously wiped his free palm on his shirt, flexing his other fingers against Hide’s hand. A mix of anxiety, fear, and overwhelming desire were a tumult of savage butterflies in his chest and stomach -- but overriding all that was an immense sense of _relief_.

Hide loved him, he loved Hide.

And for some reason it had been very liberating to admit that.

The door clicked open, they shuffled inside, the door clicked shut.

Hide was forced to drop the bag as Kaneki came at him, aiming for his mouth, missing it, and kissing his way from Hide’s cheekbone to his lips. Kaneki’s arms wrapped around Hide’s shirt, lifting it, running his hands over Hide’s skin and up his back as their mouths opened for each other, tongues intertwining. Hide returned the gesture, though with a bit more hesitancy. His hands first cupped Kaneki’s face, then ran through his hair, then wandered to his shoulder and around his back, unsure of where to put them.

Feverently, Kaneki kicked his sneakers off as he all but forced Hide’s shirt off his body. Hide happily complied, and once it had been discharged to the floor, he guided Kaneki away from the door and -

Hide’s knees knocked against the bed and Kaneki pushed him down, climbing over him as he planted kisses down Hide’s jaw and neck and chest -

He paused as his lips brushed over the scarred and corrugated skin, his fingers rising to gently trace where the scar branched from Hide’s abdomen to his sides. Brief images flashed before Kaneki’s mind, _the pools of blood spiraling like lace around the checkered floor and rusted implements carving away at skin._

Hide said nothing, only brought hand against Kaneki’s face, caressing it gently, his touch a welcoming warmth to combat the cold fear creeping up Kaneki’s spine.

Kaneki resumed his kisses, following the lines of the scars like stitches of love. Hide shivered against Kaneki’s touch, his fingers finally settling in Kaneki’s hair, the tug encouraging Kaneki to go further.

A hot pressure growing between his legs, Kaneki’s lips found one of Hide’s nipples. Hide’s whimpers increased Kaneki’s heartbeat as his hand traced Hide’s stomach to the crease of his thigh, teasing the waistband of his pants. Kaneki’s tongue darted around the erect nipple as his hand slid between skin and cotton, fingers parting around Hide’s completely hardened member. This earned another whine that sent shudders from Kaneki’s toes to his scalp and back to the head of his cock.

Hide’s fingers gripped Kaneki’s hair, forcing his mouth away from Hide’s skin. A growl of protest rose in Kaneki’s throat and his hand tightened around Hide’s cock. Hide’s cry of surprise was lost as Kaneki’s mouth met his, ensuing a fierce kiss, tongues meeting before Kaneki bit Hide’s lip. His kisses moved back to Hide’s neck, where he sucked and bit the flesh, sure to leave a mark he would never see.

Kaneki’s hand left Hide’s cock, and he brought both his hands to either side of Hide’s face. Their noses were a hair’s breadth apart and it saddened Kaneki that he could see _nothing_. The face of his lover so close and all he could see was darkness.

Distracted by the thought, his fingers gently started caressing Hide’s face, running along his hairline and across his eyes and nose, tracing his jawline before stopping at his lips. Kaneki could feel his face twisting in slight anger that all he could do was feel Hide’s features, not see them.

Hide propped himself up on his elbows and bumped their foreheads together. “You’re bright red,” he breathed with a small laugh.

Kaneki immediately became aware of the heat flooding his body and he turned his head away. “S-so?”

Hide chuckled again. “Well, so am I.”

“Well I wouldn’t know,” Kaneki replied, albeit a little harsher than he meant to.

Hide gently pushed Kaneki to the side so he could stand. “I have a solution for that.” The mattress tilted as Hide reached for something, and the sound of curtains being drawn followed. A moment later, Hide had stood from the bed, his footsteps retreating to the other side the room to flick off a light, search a paper bag, pause, then return.

Hide practically tripped climbing back onto the bed. “Now we’re even.”

Kaneki laughed, the sound tumbling from his throat before he could think twice about it. “You’re amazing.”

Hide must’ve smiled, Kaneki couldn’t picture any other reaction.

“Though I do feel a little weird being the only one naked.”

The comment went straight to Kaneki’s cock as his hand shakily reached forward to feel Hide’s chest before drifting downward to find nothing but warm skin slicked with precum.

Kaneki said something -- a prayer? a surprised swear? -- as he gracelessly threw his shirt off and pushed Hide back down, meeting their mouths as one hand weaved into Hide’s hair (deliciously golden, Kaneki decided) and the other wrapped around Hide’s cock.

Hide moaned against Kaneki’s mouth, the sound vibrating his chest, as Kaneki worked his hand up and down. Hide’s hips bucked at the sensitive touch, and after a moment Kaneki let their hips grind against one another as Hide’s hands went from the bed sheets to Kaneki’s hair.

Unable to take the pressure between his own thighs anymore, Kaneki reluctantly released Hide to struggle in removing his own pants, his fingers feeling thick and senseless. Hide reached to help him, hands lingering longer than needed between Kaneki’s thighs as he kicked his pants and underwear to the floor.

He heard Hide suck in his breath and Kaneki could guess where the other was looking. A smirk pulled at his lips as he hooked a finger under Hide’s chin, lifting his head so their eyes could, theoretically, meet.

“You know that since I can’t see,” he started, voice low and teasing, “I’ll have to feel you all over.”

Hide’s reply was his lips against Kaneki’s neck, his hot and wet tongue licking the skin while his teeth nipped at it. Pulses of pleasure radiated across Kaneki’s skin as he positioned himself over Hide, straddling his hips before lying atop him, grinding their fully erect cocks together.

Kaneki broke Hide’s mouth away from his skin so he could gently press two fingers between Hide’s teeth and into his mouth. A surprised noise squeaked from Hide’s throat as Kaneki’s fingers pushed against his tongue and cheek. After a second, Hide took a hold of Kaneki’s wrist as he moved his tongue over Kaneki’s fingers, swirling around the tips and covering them in saliva. Kaneki stroked the inside of Hide’s mouth, utterly enjoying the sensation, but looking forward even more to what he planned next.

Once satisfied his fingers were thoroughly slicked, Kaneki removed them and shifted their position so he now knelt between Hide’s legs, one hand helping Hide lift his hips. With a little fumbling and whole lot of guesswork, Kaneki found the tensed entrance. One finger gently circled it and Hide gasped, hands gripping Kaneki’s shoulders.

“That’s - ” he started, but cut off as Kaneki pressed against it. It naturally resisted him, but he slowly worked one finger in, enjoying the feeling of Hide’s body quivering beneath him. He patiently let Hide’s body adjust to the new sensation, Hide meanwhile holding back groans.

Kaneki’s other hand gripped Hide’s thigh as he further pushed into Hide, working the finger slightly back and forth, moving deeper each time. Hide spluttered out words that were lost on his heavy breathing, but at last he cried Kaneki’s name when Kaneki pulled out only to re-enter with two fingers.

“Kaneki,” Hide panted, nails digging into Kaneki’s shoulders. “I can... I can’t hold it.”

Kaneki couldn’t hold it much longer either. The burning pressure in his cock was about to make him lose it too, and he was slightly surprised with himself that he could get off by fingering Hide alone.

“Just... wait a little,” he replied, amazed by his own lack of breath. Before he pulled out, he curved his fingers and happened to hit Hide’s sweet spot, eliciting a pleasurable groan from the other that forced his hips down, pushing Kaneki’s fingers deeper. However, Kaneki withdrew, bending his head to scatter kisses from the base of Hide’s throat down to his stomach.

_He does have really nice abs._

Kaneki’s hands moved to grab Hide’s hips, fingers digging into the soft flesh, when he paused and asked sheepishly, “Do you... have a condom?”

Hide fumbled for a moment at the side of the bed before pressing a small package against Kaneki’s hand. “Uta... took me shopping,” he said, voice wavering.

Kaneki chuckled. “The tricky bastard.” But he didn’t dwell on it, he didn’t want anyone else’s name on Hide’s lips besides his own. As if to try to get that point across, Kaneki almost viciously attacked Hide’s mouth, biting his lips and forcing his tongue against the other. Hide took a sharp intake of breath through his nose as he tried to match the kiss’ rhythm, though Kaneki remained faster, sucking and biting, taking away all the words on Hide’s tongue.

He broke away, struggling with the condom. Getting the wrapper off was easy enough, but with one hand supporting himself over Hide, he had a lot of trouble working the rubber over his dick. As the moment dragged on, Hide finally chuckled and brought his hands down to gently, _erotically_ , ease it over Kaneki’s cock.

“For the dominant one here, you’re not very coordinated,” Hide joked, earning himself a fierce nip on the neck that was sure to leave a bruise.

But the pressure was still too great. Kaneki almost needed the relief as much as he needed himself inside Hide.

He paused. “L-lube?” he stammered. “Not hand-sanitizer.”

Hide grunted and fumbled at the side of the bed again before there was a click, a pause, and then Hide’s hands were rubbing a lotion across Kaneki’s hard cock, massaging it probably longer than needed, but that was the least of Kaneki’s concerns.

Once Hide had removed his fingers, Kaneki rested a hand on Hide’s thighs, lifting them to a more comfortable angle. He breathed, “Ready?”

Hide grabbed Kaneki’s shoulders in response, pressing his hips against Kaneki’s cock. Kaneki pressed the head of his cock against Hide’s entrance, holding it there for a moment before pulling away, extracting a whine of protest from Hide. A devilish smirk pulled at Kaneki’s lips as he rubbed his pulsing cock around Hide’s entrance, precum dripping and mixing with the lube.

And then, without warning, Kaneki slid in.

God it was _tight_. Pleasure danced across the darkness of his eyes. He paused so Hide could adjust around him before starting a slow, rocking motion. With every thrust he pushed deeper, and with each Hide moaned his name, “Kaneki, _Kaneki_ , Ka...Kane _ki_.” His voice sent thrill and hunger coursing through Kaneki’s veins as his free hand wrapped around Hide’s cock slick with precum. He rubbed his thumb over the tip and a mix of whimpers and moans tumbled from Hide’s lips. Their hips fell into an increasingly quicker rhythm, jostling the bed against the wall, but neither cared.

Kaneki wished he could see what was happening, but he satisfied himself with moving his free hand down Hide’s cock. He imagined Hide’s yellow hair slicked with sweat and clinging to parts of his face, the rest of it splayed out on the pillow like the sun’s corona flares.

Hide’s fingers weaved through Kaneki’s hair, and in Kaneki’s mind, those fingers clutched white-gray locks, not black ones.

A groan escaped Kaneki’s throat, “Hide... Hide...yoshi,” and then Hide was cumming over his stomach and Kaneki’s chest, a slightly bitter scent mixed with the smell of sweat already in the air. A moment later Kaneki was filling up Hide. Hide’s cry was a mix of surprise and a gravelly moan; Kaneki gasped Hide’s name once more before pulling out, taking a second to get his breath back, his arms shaking from the effort.

The two collapsed on the bed, Kaneki on his stomach with one hand thrown over Hide’s chest, enjoying the feel of its harsh rise and fall.

“Jesus,” Hide breathed, his fingers crawling up Kaneki’s arm. “That... was...”

Kaneki leaned over to nuzzle against Hide’s side. “Good, I hope.”

“ _Amazing_.”

“Fuck, that’s even better.”

Hide laughed before turning over to wrap his arms around Kaneki, pulling him close. Kaneki breathed in the scent of Hide’s warm skin, cum, and fading sweat. Hide’s heart was pounding against his chest and Kaneki smiled as he listened to it.

“You know...” Hide started, “I’m not sure how to say it.”

“Mm, say what?”

“That... That I love you,” Hide said quickly. “Because, yeah, I love _you_ , but it’s not just you, is it?” When Kaneki said nothing he continued. “It’s you, and then there’s the you back in Yamori’s chamber, the you who rescued me.” He paused for a long moment, and Kaneki waited patiently, desperately wanting to hear where this went. “So I feel like I should say ‘I love both of you,’ but that sounds little weird, you know?”

Kaneki laughed. “You can just say ‘I love you,’ I’ll know what you mean.”

“Okay.”

And Kaneki felt free. With Hide, he didn’t have to divide who he was, because for once the ‘him’ with black hair and the ‘him’ with white hair were loved equally and unconditionally.

“Kaneki?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You know...” Hide started, “I’m not sure how to say it.”  
> “Mm, say what?”  
> "That you still have the condom on."
> 
> okay i'm sorry NOT SORRY
> 
> also also: sweet spot definition: the area around the center of mass of a bat, racket, or head of a club that is the most effective part with which to hit a ball
> 
> okay now i'm done and still not sorry
> 
> i chaaaaaanged the rating to E because I think this hit the explicit level as if the torture wasn't already there ^_^"
> 
>  
> 
> PS: CHECK THE COMMENTS, someone asked how the conversation went when Kaneki demanded he and Hide bathe together, so i replied with exactly that >:)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my roommate thinks im insane

Seidou knew.

Seidou knew everything and Hide regretted everything.

For some, unknown reason, Hide had decided to tell Seidou about Kaneki, about their relationship, and even about the _sex_. Hide didn’t know why, he would never know why, but now Seidou wouldn’t stop throwing mischievous smiles at him and turning everything into a sexual innuendo.

It was probably payback for all the times Hide tried to set him up with Akira.

“Nagachika!” Akira called down the hall into the printer room. Hide poked his head out, surprised to find her looking slightly frazzled. “You know the fastest way to the publishing company just outside the city, right?”

“You mean the Rosewald one? Uh, yeah,” Hide replied. “Why?”

“Takizawa and I need to go there for a meeting and if we take the normal route we’ll be five minutes and twenty-seven seconds late, but if you show us the way we might make it with one minute and ten seconds to spare if we leave within the next three minutes and thirty seconds.”

“I, uh, sure, I guess,” Hide replied.

Next thing he knew, Hide was being pulled down the halls to the elevator and towards the parking garage. Takizawa was waiting impatiently by a sleek, black hair, foot tapping incessantly.

“You guys are _late_!” he snapped. “You’ve been out of the hospital for three months, Nagachika, I know you can walk faster than that.”

“Not everyone is a perfectionist like you, Seidou,” Hide replied with a teasing grin before getting shoved into the passenger seat by Akira.

“How come I get the backseat?!” Seidou complained.

“Because he’s giving directions,” Akira replied tartly as she also got into the car. “Now hurry up or we _will_ be late.” And with that, they careened out of the parking garage and Hide almost tumbled out of his seat.

Other than Hide’s directions and the occasional yelps of panic from Hide and Seidou as Akira half-ran red-lights and sped around corners, the car was silent.

“Make a right,” Hide said, grabbing the armrest in preparation for the turn. Once it had been made, Hide said, “Then you’ll want the highway ramp on your left.” Akira nodded. There was about ten seconds of silence before Hide reminded, “Get on here.”

Seidou muttered something from the backseat. Akira frowned and Hide gave them both confused glances. “What was that?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Seidou smirked.

They rode on in silence. After a minute or two Hide said, “You’ll want to take exit fifteen to the main interstate in a bit.”

“Alright,” Akira affirmed.

The couple minutes passed quickly, then Hide was saying, “Okay, get on here.”

This time he caught what Seidou muttered.

“That’s what he said.”

Hide threw his hat at the backseat man.

“Unneeded commentary!” he exclaimed.

Seidou just laughed and dodged the projectile.

“Nagachika,” Akira started stonily, and both men froze.

“Yes?” Hide squeaked.

“Did you have intercourse with another man?”

Her bluntness made him choke and start coughing. “P-pardon?”

She just gave him a sideways glance, green eyes stern.

Probably blushing furiously, Hide nodded. “Y-yeah.”

Akira just stuck out her hand, palm up, towards Seidou. “Pay up.”

“What?!” Seidou exclaimed. “No! I was the one betting on him being gay!”

“Yes, but I bet that he would have sex with another man.”

“I don’t see the difference.”

“Which one did he admit to first?”

“That’s - !” Seidou started, but cut short. Hide could only look between his two superiors and suppress the urge to throw his hat at the both of them.

“You are both terrible people,” Hide grumbled. “I should just let you get lost.”

As Seidou passed some money to Akira’s waiting hand, Akira said, “I know the way from here. I’ll treat you to a good lunch after, though, to make up for this.”

“Just... don’t make any more bets on my love life, please.”

“Fine,” Seidou mumbled, but he was smirking.

Hide couldn’t help but smirk, too.

* * *

“This is a really, _really_ bad idea,” Ayato sighed.

Kaneki didn’t reply, didn’t even shake his head.

“You know the saying ‘forgive and forget’? Well, you should try it out.”

He spoke at last. “This is the only way I can ‘forgive,’ Ayato.”

The boy grumbled something under his breath that Kaneki didn’t bother to catch.

The afternoon was cool, tailing the end of autumn. Winter was right around the corner, but not close enough to need anything more than a jacket and maybe a hat.

If there was one thing Kaneki would miss about being able to see, it would be the colors of autumn -- that and Hide’s face, but that was a given.

“You’re on crazy son of a bitch, you know?” Ayato sighed.

Kaneki smirked. “Of course I know.”

They came to a halt and Kaneki felt his heart beat a little faster.

A door swung open. Ayato detached Kaneki’s hand from his arm and turned away. “Call me when you’re ready to head back.”

Kaneki nodded as Yomo’s hand came to rest on his shoulder. “You’re sure?”

“Can everyone please stop asking that?”

“You don’t need to force yourself.”

“But I have to, otherwise my mind will never be at ease.”

Yomo may have nodded, but all Kaneki knew was that Yomo said nothing more, only guided him through the door, down a hall, and towards some steps.

Slowly, Yomo helped Kaneki descend the stairs where it grew chillier. The scent of decaying flesh seeped into the originally fresh air, and Kaneki fought back coughs. Soon, Yomo was helping him into a chair and any words Kaneki had prepared fled his tongue.

He took a shaky breath and breathed out the one word he could muster.

“Rize.”

There was nothing but a crushing silence. Growing worried, Kaneki turned his head ever so slightly to where he presumed Yomo stood. “Is she here?”

Yomo’s grunt was one of affirmation. Kaneki nodded and turned back to the space before him.

“I, uh, just wanted to tell you that Yamori is dead. ...Well, you probably already knew that, but I needed to tell you myself.”

Kaneki’s knee started to involuntarily bounce. He rested his fist on it to cease the shaking. “I’m kind of curious about how you’re doing, but I don’t think I want to know -- not that you would tell me anyway.” He toyed with a strand of hair between his thumb and pointer finger. “I guess what I’m really here about is... to say thank you. Not for what you’re thinking of, though.” He paused and took a deep, calming breath. “I just think... that if you hadn’t met me after I escaped Yamori’s... I wouldn’t be who I am today... and I would never have met Hide...”

He raised his head and imagined himself meeting her tired, defeated eyes. In his mind, she was just as beautiful as when they had first met. There was no denying her beauty, but if she wasn’t such a serpent, they could have been good friends.

Maybe in another life.

Over the past couple weeks, Kaneki had looked deep inside himself, searching for any scrap of forgiveness he could spare for Rize Kamishiro -- and he had found some.

Rize didn’t reply to his words, not that he expected her to. He breathed the putrid scent of the basement, came to a conclusion that both crushed and relieved him, then stood.

“I’m done,” he said to Yomo, who grunted. Yomo guided Kaneki back up the stairs where they had a quick, silent lunch. Yomo didn’t pester Kaneki for an explanation about Kaneki’s motivation to see Rize, but Kaneki wouldn’t have minded if he had.

When they finished and Kaneki was standing at the door waiting for Ayato, he paused, gathered the words in his mouth, before saying, “She was already dead, wasn’t she?”

Yomo was quiet for a long moment before replying softly, “Yes.”

Kaneki nodded. His heart felt a little lighter.

Ayato arrived soon after. Once the two had departed, Kaneki asked, “Can we stop at a flower shop?”

Ayato did his trademark _tch_. “You fucking romantics.”

Kaneki could only smile.

* * *

After a very long wait for Akira and Seidou to get out of their meeting, Hide was elated to being treated to lunch.

They stopped at a fairly nice noodle shop where Seidou complained about the producing department and Akira complained about the editing department. Hide could only stay silent and hold back sarcastic comments.

On their way back to the city, Hide received a call from Uta.

“Hello?” he asked, silencing Akira and Seidou’s banter.

“Hide, Hide!” Uta exclaimed happily. “I have the best news.”

“I, uh, okay, what is it?” Hide questioned.

“A certain someone we all know and love is currently standing here taking my picture!”

Hide blinked, trying to connect the dots. “Pictures... Standing...” His hand slammed down on the car’s armrest. “ _Chie_?!”

Uta laughed. “Our one and only.”

Hide was speechless for a solid minute before he choked out, “But... I thought... She said...”

“Come to Anteiku to get the full story.”

After getting directions, Hide hung up without another word and turned to Akira with earnest eyes. “Can you drop me off at the corner of East Ave. and Pearl?”

“Sure, but why?” Akira inquired.

“A friend just went through surgery, I have to go see her.”

Akira glanced in the rearview mirror at Seidou. “I don’t see why not.”

Hide continued to bounce in his seat until the car came to a halt. He hurriedly thanked Akira -- who insisted she was the one who owed him thanks -- before leaping from the car and bounding down the street.

_He knotted his hands together._ **_“Are you mad at me?”_ **

_A laugh hissed between her lips._ **_“No, of course not, in fact, I wanted to thank you.”_ **

**_“What?”_ **

_She stroked the edge of the camera as she continued._ **_“I mean, I’m going to miss a lot of things, and it will be hard being a photographer who’s not being able to walk.”_ ** _She lifted the camera, peering through the viewfinder as she adjusted the lenses. A moment later she snapped a picture of a giraffe leaning especially close, so much so Hide believed he might be able to reach and touch it._

**_“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more,”_ ** _Hide said, voice quiet._

_She shook her head, lowering her hands again._ **_“I wanted to meet you so I could ask that you not blame yourself for what happened to me -- because I know I don’t blame you.”_ ** _Her smile was more real now, but it was still veiled with pain._ **_“So, I guess what I’m saying, is that if you felt responsible for this at all... don’t.”_ **

_Hide swallowed._ **_“And there’s no way...? To fix...?”_ **

_She shook her head, smile slipping away._ **_“No.”_ **

Of course there was a solution. Hide had started school again, and after all, he was a med student. He had done hours of research to see if Chie could walk again and Kaneki could see again. Of course he had found nothing on either, he was only in his second year.

He rounded the corner and Anteiku came into view. His pace quickened and soon he was leaning over his knees, breath panting, before the door. Through the window he had glimpsed Chie and Uta, as well as several more he didn’t know.

Collecting his composure, he entered the cafe.

The first to greet him was Uta. Hide spotted Yomo in the corner, but the older man paid him no attention.

A tall man dressed in a gaudy green suit approached him. “Ah, _monsieur_ , a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance.” He shook Hide’s hand firmly.

“Ah, Nagachika?” a voice chirped from behind the man.

Hide peered around to see Chie grinning.

And she was standing.

She wore a sleeveless dress that just covered her knees despite it being nearly winter. Black, knee-braces poked out from underneath it.

Hide’s hand flew to his mouth to keep from making some pathetic noise of joy. In response, Chie only smiled wider and raised her camera, snapping a picture of his messy state.

“R-rude,” he stammered, earning several laughs from the people around him. By the looks of it, they were all workers at the cafe, save Uta, Chie, and the man who had shaken his hand.

“Sorry to call you out so suddenly, but... I thought you would like to know.”

_Hide swallowed._ **_“And there’s no way...? To fix...?”_ **

_She shook her head, smile slipping away._ **_“No.”_ **

“I thought... I thought you said there was no way to fix it,” Hide started.

Her smile softened. “I hardly think anything is impossible, but it turns out there was a procedure overseas. It had a low chance of success, but... I couldn’t pass up the chance.” Her fingers fiddled with the buttons of the camera. “I owe most of it to, Shuu, of course” -- the green-suited man smirked and crossed his arms -- “but I knew I had to tell you.”

Hide was a blushing, near-to-tears _mess_. He looked away to hide his embarrassment. “Th-thank you. For telling me.”

She giggled. “I knew it’d be weighing on you. And now I know it’s not anymore.”

Hide couldn’t wait to tell Kaneki.

A ringing phone cut through the atmosphere. A girl, dark hair covered one eye, _tch_ -ed and fished the phone from her apron pocket, snapping, “What?” into the receiver.

Hide turned back to Chie. “How long until your knees are fully recovered?”

Chie looked to the green-suited man, who Hide presumed was Shuu.

“Another couple months with therapy, if she decides to go,” Shuu replied with a wave of his hand. “Nothing I can do if she insists on going to the zoo and aquarium every other day.”

Chie grinned. “Time will heal them well enough - ”

She was cut off by a phone clattering to the ground. Everyone turned to the girl from before, who was on her knees, hands covering her mouth as her eyes stared in shocked horror at the floor. She was saying something, but it was muffled by her hands and quiet screams of anguish.

The temperature in the room dropped and shivers ran up Hide’s spine.

Uta picked up the phone. “Hello? ...Ah, is that you, my favorite customer?” Whoever was on the other end of the line spoke for a long time, or perhaps their words were so jumbled it took a long time for Uta to unscramble them. Finally, he closed his eyes and passed the phone to an elegant looking woman.

The woman didn’t even speak, only listened. At last, she hung up the phone and went to kneel beside the first girl. Resting a hand on her shoulder, the woman said, “Come, Touka, he’d want you to be there. Ayato would - ”

At the sound of the name, Touka completely broke, shoulders shaking with uncontrolled sobs.

Hide, feeling uncomfortable, debated leaving, but found his feet glued to the floor.

Uta walked over to him. “Ayato and Kaneki were out together, you may want to come.”

Hide could only nod.

* * *

“This is so romantic I’m gonna puke,” Ayato sighed.

“I don’t remember asking for your opinion.”

“Well you’re getting it free of charge.”

“Thanks.”

“What is your life, a rom-com?”

“I doubt it.”

“Yeah? Then what is your life?”

Kaneki thought for a long moment. “A tragedy, I suppose.”

“Jesus, why so depressing?”

“You didn’t give me restrictions.”

“ _Tch_.”

Kaneki could only smell the flowers. Well, at least he could try, but the scents of all the flowers permeated every corner of the air, thus everything smelled the same. He had to really focus on smelling each flower, and Ayato had to all but shove the flower up Kaneki’s nose to make it work.

“I want sunflowers.”

“Those don’t smell like anything!”

“I think it’s more for the symbolism.”

Ayato sighed. “Fucking romantics.”

Ayato guided Kaneki to one corner of the store and brought his hand to the stock of a sunflower. Kaneki worked his hand up to feel the softness of the petals and roughness of the black seeds. He tried to smell it, but couldn’t distinguish its scent from the rest of the atmosphere.

“I want another flower.”

“Why? Because you’re a needy fuck?”

“Are you bitter because you don’t have a significant other?”

“I’m bitter because you’re dragging me along flower shopping. Why didn’t you just ask that creep, Tsukiyama?”

Kaneki frowned. “Because you were immediately available.”

“God I hate you.”

After much consideration, Kaneki decided on pink carnations.

“Sunflowers and pink carnations, this is hideous. I wish I didn’t have eyes.”

Kaneki just glared until Ayato offered a begrudging apology.

Once the flowers had been paid for and Kaneki was craddling them in his arms, the two stood at the edge of the street waiting to cross to head back to Anteiku. Ayato had told Kaneki about Chie’s surgery and regaining the ability to walk, and that Uta had called Hide over so they could meet.

Cars were raging down the street and someone was slamming on their car horn. Kaneki grimaced and rubbed his forehead, a dull ache blooming in his temple.

Ayato cursed. “Why isn’t the light changing? Fuck this...” He moved away and started stabbing at the crosswalk button.

Kaneki smirked. “Ayato, that’s not going to - ”

He wasn’t sure if he said the last few words of the sentence. There was suddenly a pressure across his chest and the ground left his feet. He felt the flowers slipping from his arms and he reached from them, because he had just gotten them and he couldn’t lose them now, they were for Hide.

**_“Honestly, I’m surprised you’re even alive. By the way, I'm Hideyoshi, but you can call me Hide.”_ **

**_“Kan...”_ ** _He swallowed._ **_“Kaneki.”_**  

* * *

When everyone arrived, Hide found the street scattered with yellow and pink petals, like spring had passed through this one intersection, ignoring that the rest of the city was morphing into winter. A wind picked them up and let them drift from sidewalk to sidewalk, some resting on the toes of Hide’s sneakers.

Ayato knelt at the edge of the road, clutching the stock of one sunflower still in tact, half its petals and seeds missing.

A woman walked out of the flower shop nearby, set a purple hyacinth in the middle of the road, and brought her hands together in prayer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sunflowers - “summer”  
> pink carnations - “I’ll never forget you”  
> purple hyacinth - “I am sorry”
> 
> note: the flower-shop lady (presumable the store owner) sets the hyacinth down as a metaphorical gift from Kaneki to Hide okay bye
> 
> stay with me we just got the epilogue left (i hate myself)


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hhnnggg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your comments may have been sad but they really made my day :'D

It was snowing.

It made sense, in an ironic kind of way.

Not many people were there, since not many people knew Kaneki Ken, but Hide thought that was a good thing. If any more people came, Hide would shut down to avoid the pestering, and he didn’t want to do that.

Hide had become acquainted with Kaneki’s friends over the past week, especially siblings Ayato and Touka. Both had been supportive in a roundabout sort of way. Touka took Hide around town, explaining the things Kaneki had down in various places.

**_“We met here.”_ **

**_“At the theatre? Seems kind of... mundane.”_ **

_Touka laughed._ **_“Ever heard of the theatre massacre? Nine corrupt officials got their heads blown off by our dear friend Kaneki.”_ ** _She sighed contentedly._ **_“You’ve never quiet seen beauty until you’ve seen_ him _kill someone.”_**

Hide would never have guessed the kind of life Kaneki had lived, but he wasn’t upset that he hadn’t know. Kaneki, given the time, would have told him. Ayato assured that.

**_“I mean, well of course, do you understand how head-over-heels that guy was in love with you? It was sickening. I was making fun of him for it up until the end... Shit, I didn’t mean it like that.”_ **

**_“Ah, it’s okay, it’s always a good thing to hear, that he was happy even when he...”_ **

Irimi came with a bouquet of white lilies, which she set beside the fresh gravehead. She was the only one to bring flowers, everyone else found the sight of them still too painful.

White lilies. White snow. It was a strange kind of irony.

A gentle wind ruffled the branches and blew snowflakes into their faces, but no one flinched. Hide slipped his hands into his pockets and blocked out the roaring of cars in the background.

_Maybe I’ll move out of the city,_ he thought.

An image flashed before his mind. A lonely one.

_It was the middle of winter; endless, twilight-esque days of soft snow and quietude. Minutes were counted by the gathering inches of pearly dust, white banks climbing up only to be swept away hours later by loud machines that broke the silence. They came at six AM, noon, four PM, and nine -- it was the only way to know that time was truly passing._

Hide decided he would be okay with that future.

Ayato elbowed him in the shoulder. “You still gonna do med school, yeah?”

Hide’s eyes widened. _Right... that’s what I was doing before everything happened._ He nodded towards the ground. “Yeah... I guess I will. Maybe I can find a way to reverse blindness.” He gave a small smirk to his own comment.

_Living alone... I’ll do it someday. Maybe in another life._

_Maybe when we meet again._  

* * *

_9 years later_

Seidou put his hand on Hide's shoulder. “Congratulations, you deserve this.”

Hide laughed. “Of course I do. Eleven years of med school? I’m so indebt I’m sad.”

“What were you expecting? You just _had_ to graduate at the top of the class.”

Hide’s phone buzzed. Checking it, he smirked. “Duty calls, I’ll catch you for the after party.”

“I can’t believe you still want to hang out with an old man like me,” Seidou joked, giving him another pat on the back before shifting back into the crowd.

Hide made his way over to the edge of the reception area, dodging other graduates and teary-eyed families and friends. He finally spotted Ayato and Touka leaning against the wall, dressed in matching black-ties.

He grinned as he walked over. “Glad you guys could make it.”

“You better be more than glad, this was a fucking four hour drive,” Ayato complained half-heartedly.

“Ecstatic, really.” Hide embraced both of them. Touka returned it, as did Ayato. “Thank you.”

Stepping back, Touka asked, “Ready to become the best doctor in the city?”

“I’m all set to patch you two up,” Hide replied. “Still living dangerously?”

“Pwft, when have we ever not?” Ayato replied, running a hand through his hair.

“Has anyone approached you about jobs?” Touka inquired.

“Yeah, like, four places, two from overseas.” Hide laughed. “Turned them all down.”

Touka asked, “Looking for an adventure?” But she knew the answer.

“You romantics,” Ayato smirked.

As they exited the graduation hall, the sky was overcast and Hide thought of snow.

And thinking of snow reminded him of Kaneki white hair.

**_“Just... looking for someone.”_ **

**_“Did you find them?”_ **

**_“...Yes.”_ **

It almost seemed ironic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> As you may have forgotten, this was a Batman AU, so I thought I’d include the list of which characters were paired with which Batman character.  
> Kaneki -> The Joker -> Nameless Joker of Cards  
> Touka -> [Katana](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katana_\(comics\)) -> Claymore  
> Ayato -> [Slipknot](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slipknot_\(comics\)) -> Nexus  
> Rize -> Harley Quinn -> Marionette  
> Yanori -> Scarecrow -> Shanghaier  
> Amon -> Batman -> Dark Knight  
> Akira -> Catwoman -> Lady Sable  
> Seidou -> Robin -> Cardinal  
> Shinohara -> Detective Gordon  
> Juuzo -> Starfire -> Ember
> 
> I wish I had more scenes with Amon, Akira, Seidou, Shinohara, and Juuzo with their Batman characters, but I couldn’t find an appropriate place to put those scenes in ;-;
> 
> I was also inspired by a couple songs: [Dark On Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-kCm6gpu2A) by Starset and [Wake Up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YthChN1Wq8M) by EDEN.
> 
> Also you guys’ comments literally made my day everyday all of your are beyond lovely and I don’t know how to thank you enough S2 ^_^
> 
> Hope you'll all stick around for the sort-of-ish-not-really-but-actually sequel because these precious cinnamon rolls need to be happy :'D


End file.
